Damaging the Reputation of Others

Gossip–damaging the reputation of others by what we say–constitutes sinful behavior. In fact, it can be gravely sinful. Yet how frequently we run into people who use this tactic! You’re not alone if you’ve experienced it at work, even at work in a parish or apostolate. Perhaps you have encountered a member of the clergy or religious engaged in it. It happens all too frequently, regardless of vocation.

Pride Shows Itself in Gossip

A manifestation of the root sin of pride, gossip puts others down to build oneself up. With the root sin of pride, a person seeks their security in their achievements and perceived superiority. Thus, they use gossiping about others to increase that security. Pride, according to the Modern Catholic Dictionary, can lead to holding oneself as superior to, and even despising, others.

On the other hand, someone with low self-esteem may use gossip in an attempt to boost their own image vis-à-vis that of another person. By damaging the reputation of others, the person with low self-esteem hopes to position himself or herself to look

In any event, gossiping about others ruins reputations.

Sin Against Charity

Gossip is a sin against charity. Speaking ill of others contravenes Christ’s commandment to us in John 15:12 – “This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you.” Damaging the reputation of others clearly does not constitute loving them as Jesus loves us. For that matter, Scripture is replete with references to gossiping—a few of which follow:

He who goes about as a talebearer reveals secrets, but he who is trustworthy in spirit keeps a thing hidden. (Prov. 11:13)

He who goes about gossiping reveals secrets; therefore do not associate with one who speaks foolishly. (Prov. 20:19)

For lack of wood the fire goes out; and where there is no talebearer, quarreling ceases. (Prov 26:20)

If anyone thinks he is religious, and does not bridle his tongue but deceives his heart, this man’s religion is vain. (James 1:26)

Let no evil talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for edifying, as fits the occasion, that it may impart grace to those who hear. (Eph 4:29)

They were filled with all manner of wickedness, evil, covetousness, malice. Full of envy, murder, strife, deceit, malignity, they are gossips. (Rom 1:29)

As well, Our Lord tells us “It is not what enters one’s mouth that defiles that person; but what comes out of the mouth is what defiles one. “(Mt 15:11) His teaching here covers purity of heart in both deeds and words. Gossip and purity of heart are at odds with one another.

Sin Against Justice

When we gossip, we sin against justice as well (CCC 2484). Under the virtue of justice, we are to recognize others’ rights, to do good and avoid evil. Everyone has a right to not have our reputations damaged by others’ words and deeds. Gossip also goes against the virtue of veracity, that is, of truthfulness, when lies or negative inferences and assumptions are shared with others about another person.

Even if we tell the truth, gossiping can result in damaging the reputation of others. This is what’s known as the sin of detraction, when we disclose someone’s faults or failings to others who don’t know them and don’t need to know them. We need to get better at guarding what we say, and to whom we say it.

Monastic Tradition

Spiritual masters from the monastic tradition knew that we need to guard what we say. They have weighed in on the gravity of gossiping and damaging the reputation of others:

“Lovers of slander and gossip shut themselves out from the kingdom of heaven.” – St. John of Karpathos

“Do not listen gleefully to gossip at your neighbor’s expense or chatter to a person who likes finding fault. Otherwise, you will fall away from divine love and find yourself cut off from eternal life…Silence the man who utters slander in your hearing. Otherwise, you sin twice over: first, you accustom yourself to this deadly passion and, second you fail to prevent him from gossiping against his neighbor.” – St. Maximos the Confessor

“For all the more reason, then, should evil speech be curbed so that punishment for sin may be avoided.” – Rule of St. Benedict, 6:2

Monastics, or not, we all will benefit from following their advice.

Undoing the Damage

Many probably have heard the story of St. Philip Neri and his advice to a woman who had a bad habit of gossiping. As I recall it, she had to go to a bell tower and throw the contents of a basket or pillow case of feathers into the wind. Then St. Philip told her to go retrieve them. She balked, citing the impossibility of gathering them all back up.

As the story goes, that was the point, he told her. Once you’ve spread stories about someone, there’s no telling how far the wind of human moral frailty will carry them. And you’ll never really be able to undo them completely. Damaging the reputation of others through gossip is not easily corrected. It may, in fact, be impossible to undo the damage once it has taken place.

What to Do

So, let’s say we’re in a meeting at the office and our boss, the office manager, begins to rail against someone not present. She begins to cite a litany of things allegedly done or not done by the absentee target. We have no authority over this person. We have no need to know any of this, assuming any of it is true. Besides the office manager probably conveniently omits her role in anything that’s gone on.

Now what do we do? I guess we could fidget uncomfortably in our seat as the tirage goes on–not the best option. Or, we can join in, to be one of the gang and gain favors with office manager. After all, we’ll never know when the tables will be turned and we’ll be in the unfavorable spotlight. This going along to get along is the worst option!

Each of us knows the right choice. It’s written on our hearts. Our conscience will tell us, at the least, get away from there. Just leave the discussion if we don’t have to sit in the meeting. If we must stay, we might simply suggest that this topic is not productive, and in fact, is inappropriate to discuss in this forum. If all of us did this more frequently, the person prone to verbal pollution would have no audience. No audience would lead to no gossip, no damaging the reputation of others.

Stop It

What if we are prone to be the one doing the gossiping? As Bob Newhart once advised while playing the role of psychologist in his comedy series, “Stop it!”  Yes, it sounds too simple, but that’s what we need to do. Can we catch ourselves and stop the negative thinking and talking before it begins?

How about proactively seeking to see the good in others, especially someone we might want to gossip about? God made them and each of us in His image and likeness, after all.

Above all, we need to take this whole issue to prayer. Invite Our Lord to show us why we have the terrible tendency toward gossip. Let Him, as the Divine Physician, begin to heal us of whatever’s driving this dysfunctional, sinful behavior. Allow Him to transform us to become as holy as we should be.

We can’t do this without Him. We desperately need His Grace. But–if we surrender to Him, and cooperate with His grace, all things are possible. Don’t be that person who goes about damaging the reputation of others through gossip, slander, calumny, rash judgment and the like. Be, instead, the salt of the earth and the light of the world.

Excessive, presumptuous, slanderous, and immoderate chatter often has disastrous consequences…If you open the door of a furnace, the heat will escape from it. ‘Beware of gossip,’ says Saint Dorotheus, ‘because it causes pious thoughts and meditation on God to flee. – Cdl. Robert Sarah, The Power of Silence