Avoiding Occasions of Sin in Our Thoughts and Words

Discussions with others can, for many of us, become occasions of sin. The more invested in our opinion we are, the more sensitive the issues we discuss, perhaps the greater the chance they will become the occasion of sin.  When we start to disagree with another, or when they challenge our thinking, we may, if not careful, step right into sin. For one thing, we may end up with uncharitable thoughts or actions, which can include the sin of anger. For another, we may be tempted to drift into what the Catechism of the Catholic Church labels as “offenses against truth.” This is because we too often forget that the people seemingly aggravating us also are made in the image and likeness of God.  And–we also forget that the agitation, and irritation we’re experiencing aren’t of God, but of the enemy. Don’t let the demons get the best of you.

Avoiding Attitudes Driven by Occasions of Sin

The Catechism tells us that, “Respect for the reputation of persons forbids every attitude and word likely to cause them unjust injury.” [emphasis added] (CCC 2477) Not only should we guard our words, but also our attitudes. How well do we guard our attitudes? We ought to consider this question not only when we’re talking with others, but also when we spend time on social media, or reading and responding to emails. If we’re attempting to live in accord with God’s will, avoiding sin, then an agitated attitude most likely is coming from the enemy. He wants to push us into sin. He knows our weak spots–we should be aware of them, too. Which capital sins do you struggle with? Pride, anger, envy, or…?

In our thinking, in our attitudes, if we assume as true, without sufficient foundation, a moral fault of someone, we commit the sin of rash judgment. To avoid rash judgment, we need to be careful as to how we interpret another’s thoughts, words, and deeds. The Catechism, citing St. Ignatius of Loyola, urges us to first assume charitable intent.  (CCC 2478) That’s great advice, any time of any year, for any of us. It’s all too easy in our wounded human nature to ascribe negative intentions to others’ actions. We give ourselves credit for all we think, say and do. Yet we only give others credit for what we see them say and do. We then infer and assume, often incorrectly, their intentions. Give them the benefit of the doubt; assume charitable intent to begin with.

Detraction and Calumny Arising from Occasions of Sin

Calumny essentially is lying about someone which harms someone’s reputation and thereby gives others an occasion for making false judgments concerning that person. We’d hope that we, as faithful Christians, don’t do this. Yet, gossiping can lead to this and the sin of detraction. That’s another good reason we should avoid being in a gossip-filled conversation.

A sin related to calumny is that of detraction, which we commit when we, without an objectively valid reason, disclose someone else’s faults and failings to persons who don’t know them. Do we commit detraction in talking about neighbors, relatives, or fellow parishioners? The Catechism tells us that detraction and calumny destroy the reputation and honor of another. As such, they represent offenses against the virtues of justice and charity. (CCC 2484)  How can you avoid stating something that may only be partially true, or that is true and not necessary to disclose? A good starting point is to not speak or blog before thinking about what you’re doing. Avoid the temptation to jump right into the fray–and excuse yourself from discussions that lead into gossip.

Occasions of Sin Leading to Flattery?

So, we should avoid rash judgment, lying and detraction. But what about just wanting to be liked? The Catechism tells us that we should avoid words or attitudes, such as flattery, that encourage others in malicious acts and perverse conduct.

Adulation [flattery] is a grave fault if it makes one an accomplice in another’s vices or grave sins. Neither the desire to be of service nor friendship justifies duplicitous speech. Adulation is a venial sin when it only seeks to be agreeable, to avoid evil, to meet a need, or to obtain legitimate advantages. (CCC 2480)

In other words, speaking the truth in season and out of season, whether convenient or not (cf. 2 Tim 4:2), is what we’re charged with as Christian disciples. If you feel somewhat fearful about this, consider praying for the grace to grow in the virtue of courage, and for the Gifts of the Holy Spirit, particularly fortitude. As well, consider praying about, and talking with a spiritual director about a perceived need to be liked that’s getting in the way of your spiritual growth. Basing your self-image on others’ approval, approbation or praise will only lead to worry, anxiety and fear.

Occasions of Sin Make Us Angry

Sometimes, people do or says things that just push our buttons. At times they even may do this intentionally. It doesn’t matter what their intent is, though. We each face challenges that can raise our ire every day, from a variety of sources. The initial reaction to the challenge, if we recognize, catch and reject it, is not sinful. However, letting ourselves get worked up, and yielding to anger, is not good for our physical or spiritual well being. Unrestrained anger can lead to disliking, hatred and revenge. Our sinful nature, personal makeup, and the enemy can make us agitated, worked up, and ready to do battle. It’s a bad path to follow. But we can reject sinful habits of anger with God’s help. With God all things are possible (cf. Mt 19:26)–so pray for the grace to grow in meekness in order to replace those angry behaviors. He will give you the opportunities and the graces. Be thankful for both.

Guarding What We Say

When occasions of sin present themselves, how well do we guard what we say and how we say it in general? We need to remember that Jesus tells us it’s what comes out the mouth that’s sinful (cf. Mt 15:11-18) Fr, Mike Schmitz tells us that swearing (not using God’s name in vain, but using foul language) is an offense against charity. If we have an issue with a potty mouth, we’d do well to clean up our language.

As well, in his Rule, St. Benedict tells us, “…let leave to speak be seldom given, even to perfect disciples and even though they are words of good and holy matters tending unto edification,…” (RB 6:3)  In other words, the less spoken, the less there is to guard. Another saint, Claude La Colombiere, tells us, “…Really humble people are never scandalized: they know their own weakness too well…We have no reason to despise anyone…” Thus, if we are open to growth in our own humility, it will be easier to curb our tongue and to banish improper thoughts about others. No one is perfect, including you and me.

Harboring or Banishing Certain Thoughts

Your confessor will tell you that the temptations that pop into your consciousness are not sins per se. Rather, it’s what you choose to do with them that matters. If I get worked up and begin thinking judgmentally rash thoughts about another person or group, and I don’t let it go, I am heading into sin. If, as soon as I recognize it, I reject and rebuke it, dashing it against the foot of Christ’s cross, then I am not committing a sin. No need to be scrupulous here, but we do need to take St. Ignatius of Loyola’s advice to “be aware, understand, and take action.” Be aware of what’s going on inside you, understand what or who is causing it, and act accordingly. If you’re getting hot under the collar, understand that this is not from God–take action–calm down and regain your composure. For more on dealing with potentially sinful thoughts, please refer to I Confess My Thoughts…

The Best Offense Against These Types of Temptations

Through our prayer to The Father, in the Holy Name of Jesus, with Mary’s intercession, we should ask for the grace to see others not with our natural eyes, but with the eyes of God. We should ask for God to give us His love for them, so we can give that same love to them. In the most difficult moments, we need to remember that they, like us, are children of God, made in His image and likeness. Is this easy? In many cases, it is not. Yet, as with so many other trials we face, we need to rely on God’s help.  Pray for His help, and for the grace to grow in the virtues you need in the moment. And keep in mind what Jesus tells us (Lk 6:27-36):

²⁷ But I say to you…Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, ²⁸ bless those who curse you, pray for those who abuse you. ²⁹…If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? For even sinners love those who love them. ³³ And if you do good to those who do good to you, what credit is that to you? For even sinners do the same… ³⁵ But love your enemies, and do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return;^[a] and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High; for he is kind to the ungrateful and the selfish. ³⁶ Be merciful, even as your Father is merciful.

Pray for these other people who present challenges for you–pray for them fervently–“be merciful, even as your Father is merciful.” And praise God for putting them in your path and giving you the opportunity to grow in virtue.

“Be gentle to all, and stern with yourself.” – St. Teresa of Avila