Do you have a Catholic loved one or friend who is no longer a ‘practicing’ Catholic? This is the first in a series of 15 articles aimed at helping you to get your lapsed Catholic loved going to Church again and once again practicing his or her Catholic Faith.
In 2017, according to various surveys, some 56 million out of 70 million Catholics in the U.S. were not going to Mass every week. And this was prior to the COVID-19 outbreak.
Flip those numbers. Just 14 million out of 70 million U.S. Catholics were regularly attending Mass on Saturday/Sunday prior to COVID.
Thanks to the outbreak, however, our churches were pretty much closed and our Bishops dispensed Catholics from attending Mass altogether. The more devout Catholics took to watching live streamed Masses online during the outbreak. But for the millions of ‘lapsed Catholics,’ the other activities they had already chosen over keeping the Lord’s Day holy just continued as usual.
So what happened post-COVID?
Villanova University’s Center for Church Management, projected that post-Covid regular attendance at Saturday/Sunday Mass could fall to just 12 percent of U.S. Catholics. So instead of 14 million U.S. Catholics regularly going to Mass each week, just 8.4 million U.S. Catholics would be going to Mass every week.
More Lapsed Catholics
The Archdiocese of Detroit lifted Mass dispensations on March 13, 2021. Yet from what I’ve seen in my parish, a sizeable number of Catholics still have not returned to Mass. I estimate that Mass attendance at the Saturday evening and Sunday Masses in my parish is easily off by at least one-third, post-Covid.
If the Villanova projections are correct, and it looks like they may be, this would mean 61.6 million out of 70 million Catholics in the U.S. are no longer going to Mass on Saturday/Sunday. (So instead of 14 million Catholics regularly attending Mass on Saturday/Sunday, only 8.4 million may now be regularly attending Mass.)
And if 61.6 million Catholics are voluntarily breaking the Third Commandment every week, it’s a pretty safe bet that that are no longer practicing other tenets of their Faith. The devil must be doing handsprings and jumping for joy.
We need to get our lapsed Catholic friends and loved ones going to Mass again as the first step in bringing them back into the Church. Their immortal souls are in jeopardy.
We need to help all the lapsed Catholics out there to realize that going to Mass every week is not just a suggestion. It is how we keep the third Commandment. It is how we keep the Lord’s day Holy.
But what these lapsed Catholics may not realize is that by not going to Mass they may also be breaking the first Commandment. When someone chooses to sleep in, go golfing, go shopping, etc., instead of going to Mass they may be creating a false god. They are making that activity (or their own desires) more important than worshipping God.
Bring ‘Em Back
The chances are pretty good that you have a Catholic friend or family member (probably more than one) who has stopped going to Mass on Sunday. Perhaps you have a son or daughter who has stopped going to Mass. You may even have aunts, uncles, cousins, daughters-in-law or sons-in-law who no longer go to Mass. You may be praying for them, but you may also be wondering if there is anything you can do to get them to go to Mass again. There is.
Prayer and setting a good example are always good practices. But a talk, or even a series of talks with your lapsed Catholic loved one may be just the ticket to getting them turned around.
An old truism is ‘never discuss religion or politics at family gatherings.’ And there’s a good reason for this. Such discussions at family gatherings can easily turn into heated disagreements. People take sides, feelings get hurt, and family members sometimes end up not talking to one another. But this does not mean ‘never discuss religion or politics one-on-one.’
Some people, however, may stress over the thought of having a one-on-one talk with a lapsed Catholic loved one or friend. But it does not have to be a stressful experience. All it takes is preparation. Preparation enables charitable responses to the different excuses offered up as ‘reasons’ why your friend or loved one has stopped going to Mass.
A Plan
This article is the first in a series of 15 articles. The goal of the articles is to help you have a discussion, or a series of discussions with your lapsed Catholic loved one(s) and friends. The articles will offer a strategy – a plan for making the conversations non-stressful, non-threatening conversations. Hopefully the conversations will result in your friend or loved one deciding to start going to Mass regularly and living his or her faith once more.
This series of articles will run every Monday for the next 14 weeks. Copying and pasting the articles will give you a free eBook that just may be the roadmap for helping your lapsed-Catholic friends and loved ones find their way back to practicing their faith.
Next Monday, Part 2: What caused them to lapse?
32 thoughts on “Bring ‘Em Back! Part 1”
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“Jesus replied, “And you experts in the law, woe to you, because you load people down with burdens they can hardly carry, and you yourselves will not lift one finger to help them.” Luke 11:46
“We have met the enemy and he is us.” ― Walt Kelly
It came to me quickly, these laments from wives, mothers and family, worried about the souls of their kin over Mass attendance. Their lament can be solved in one fell swoop. Take for example the 6th; commandment, factor this: some young person practicing manumission under the covers – some young or old person violently raping another: all the same penalty – mortal. Jesus did not think the adulteress committed a capital crime,
a mortal sin. The problem with the CC is those who labeled missing Mass AND mass murder as one in the same – mortal. It would be like getting caught going
one mile over the speed limit and the next guy driving 50 over the same and wiping out a family of five – both mortal. Every Catholic who left did so knowing one thing, that their wanton labeling by theologians as ‘damned to hell’ is a sin in itself, a pharisaic throwback to Luke 11:46. Norman Rockwell’s famous depiction of dad in his pj’s reading the newspaper as mom and four kids walk past in their Sunday best, going to church, was billed not as sin but (poor) personal choice -and that it probably is – but mortal, not on your life. Mass should always be an invitation, not go or be damned. It’s this kind of flat out illogical reasoning that will keep those pews vacant; it’s this sin list that needs to be
“ (un) loosed in heaven.”
Careful, OP, that you do not let pride in your own opinions take the place of the Word of God. Breaking any of the 10 Commandments has been considered a grievous sin since they were given to Moses by God Himself. Jesus also said in Mathew 23:3, as a counter to your Luke verse – “Therefore, do and observe all things whatsoever they tell you, but do not follow their example. For they preach but they do not practice.” And consider also Mark 7:21-23, where Jesus said – “From within the man, from his heart, come evil thoughts, unchastity, theft, murder, adultery, greed, malice, deceit, licentiousness, envy, blasphemy, arrogance, folly. All these evils come from within and they defile.” Also, Norman Rockwell was not very religious, nor was he much of a theologian.
Then, there was the other Rockwell, a very famous depiction of a woman and her two children at a small café, all heads bowed, saying grace while two scruffy workmen sharing
the table look on in wonder as they munch there food – powerful example. With all respect, you’re the one collecting ‘why’s’ here. Don’t shoot the messenger.
Not sure why you might think that. I’m not collecting ‘why’s’. I’ve already written all 15 parts in the series and most of the whys are already laid in the parts to come.
We have plenty in our family and the one big excuse many use is the abuse crisis as if abuses don’t happen anywhere else in society. They have made this abuse issue the justification for never going back to Mass BUT I know they were already looking for a way out of these obligations.
The biggest problem I see…APATHY. I’m looking forward to these articles to see if I can use anything but to be honest…I’ve tried a while back sending articles to them, various catholic documents, texts at various times to let them know we have religious obligations before family events, etc….anything to plant seeds.
Nothing worked and everyone ignored my attempts so I moved on….pearls before swine even if they are my own family. I can’t force them to have faith or believe or convert their heart….I pray daily as do the few other family members still faithful but we’ve put our trust in Christ and His Blessed Mother to help. Culture has completely corrupted them and it requires a miracle at this point to turn them back to Christ. They’ve embraced all of the bad things in culture and seem blind to GOD at this point, sadly.
I’ll see what I can use from this series….maybe something will jump out at me and I’ll be able to at lease send an ’ember’ to them for that spark…
Dear IF, The don’t care about apathy. Guy, Texas
As one who has struggled to return to the habit of weekly (and at one point daily) Mass, I can provide a short list:
1) Music that doesn’t sound like a 1970s folk hootenanny. Lose the guitars. Bring back the pipe organs. Don’t be “relatable.” Be awe-inspiring.
2) Priests who understand that while “If your parish isn’t crying, it’s dying” is true, it does not also hold true for the Mass, and who would gently remind parents of young children that instruction on respect, both for sacred space and the ability of others to hear the liturgy, includes teaching them correct behavior at all times.
3) Homilies on Catholic themes like sin, repentance, hell and Salvation instead of comedy acts, pep talks, puppet shows and/or social justice screeds. Homilies that teach what the readings are conveying. Homilies that are the topic of discussion at the after-Mass coffee and donuts klatsch or the drive home.
4) Encouragement to dress more formally. It is difficult to take a religious rite seriously when its participants look like they’re running late for the poolside BBQ.
Hopefully there’s not a need to yell “Spoiler Alert,” or maybe there is. In any event, I look forward to hearing your takes.
Viva Cristo Rey!
Maybe the effects of 60+ years of corrosive de-sacralization and clueless, tone-deaf “leadership” by the bishops will be addressed, too. I can’t wait.
I await further installments in this series with a bit of skepticism. I’ve read several articles on this topic, and they frequently fall into “blame the victim,” or offer bumper-sticker platitudes or ignore glaring institutional problems that literally drive people out of the Church. The same day this article appears to help “Bring ’em Back,” I’m reading how Cardinal Cocopalmario (of cocaine-fulled gay orgy fame) is leading an effort to “dialogue” with the Masons. I hope your articles don’t exclude the Elephants in the room, such as corrosive effect of pastors such as Father Unicorn-Rainbow-Glitter’s “It’s all about ME” liturgies.
My husband of 30 years was a practicing Catholic faithfully attending Mass when we got married. He continued to attend regularly after our daughter was born. However, about 20 years ago he stopped going because our daughter was autistic and it was too “stressful” to deal with her sometimes unpredictable behavior. Daughter (who still lives with us) and I still go every Sunday to this day.
In 2020 he experienced a brief revival of his faith and began going to Mass again when the churches in our area reopened. But that fizzled out after about 3 months because he got tired of the masking and social distancing restrictions. Nothing I say or do will get him to go back. He’s even more adamant about not going back since Pope Francis came along, because in some ways, he still prefers the traditional ways. He’s also very pro-life and was particularly upset by Fr. Pavone being dismissed from the priesthood.
The fact that he stopped going to Mass, for which he at one time blamed ME for “ruining” church by being “too fanatical” about it, is one of my greatest failures as a wife and mother and it torments me constantly. I had “one job”, to get him to heaven, and I think I failed and I don’t know why. I never tried to be pushy or overbearing about it but I made it clear that missing Sunday Mass was a mortal sin and that I would never, ever miss Mass without a good excuse. But that hasn’t been enough, neither have years of prayer. What else is there to do?
Elaine, your predicament is one of the reasons for the series and I hope the articles are of some help. Sounds like the devil has put some odd ideas in your husband’s head. Be patient and continue praying for him, but also continue to try to talk to him (charitably and without lecturing, and mostly listen), about why he thinks it’s okay to not go Mass.
Seeing as how the 10 Commandments existed long before Christianity, it is doubtful God was commanding the Jewish people to do what was at the time impossible (i.e., attend Mass every week). That said, there are good reasons to attend Mass regularly and sharing experiences and perspectives between and among those who do and don’t can be productive and meaningful. What turns people off, though, are lectures about obligations and scare tactics. The way to set an example is by projecting one’s own serenity, joy and goodness to people.
The virtue of Prudence would dictate holding off on such comments until you’ve read all 15 parts. Part 5 addresses your comment.
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Then there are the Catholics who go to Mass regularly but have retained their false gods. This reduces the percentage of lapsed Catholics even further; but, this may be a subject for a different series of articles.
A good endeavor. Gene, and you must have worked this out to extend the series four months. As to next weeks ‘why’ attempt, let me add something that would have been well below your radar. 1974, hippie couple come back to New England after 3 years in Hawaii. He Polish Catholic. She Irish, so. They sign up at their hometown parish, set intentions to be married and, like another couple they know of, they TOO wanted to get married outside in a beautiful setting. Priest said, ‘No’, must be in the church. They leave, find a Baptist minister who preforms a beautiful ceremony. Fifty years later their two children, now in their 40’s with 4 children between them, faithfully attend, like their surviving parent(s) the same Baptist church. I don’t know what category of ‘why’ you would put that in but without a doubt it wouldn’t be the right one because you’d have to have a million categories And Guy, I have three friends, former Catholics who still support their old parish church and one who faithfully says his rosary. Must be the dif between New Englanders and Texans.
OP, the New England couple are more than just lapsed Catholics. They have left the Faith. They are now Baptists even though technically, because they were Baptized into the Catholic Faith, they are still Catholics. Very Sad.
I hope you will not be telling them that to come back to Mass they have to support gun rights, oppose masking and other Covid precautions, oppose single payer health insurance, and vote for Trump. If so, that might explain why they stopped showing up.
Jumping the gun a bit aren’t you CC? Prudence would indicate taking a wait and see attitude rather than flying off the handle.
OK!
Dear Gene, In the truest sense, you have done a labor of love. I know you will address every aspect of this and every issue. One thing for sure: if they are not at Mass they are not putting anything in a basket 10% of which would typically go to a bishop. I have recently met 3 people who are studying to enter the Church and I told each of them in my eyes they are heroic for doing this now. God bless you. Guy, Texas