Bring ‘Em Back! Part 7

This is the seventh in a series of articles aimed at helping you to get your lapsed Catholic loved one going to Church again and once again becoming a practicing Catholic. 

Excuse #1 and Catholics in Name Only (CINOs)

If you get Excuse #1 and you’ve determined the person offering the excuse is a CINO, it’s a whole different ballgame.

With a CINO, the response to “I don’t get anything out of Mass; it’s boring” is still “How long have you felt this way about Mass”?  But when you ask this question don’t be shocked if the response you get is “Oh, for a really long time.”  If this is the response, you may have to re-catechize him or her.

Start From the Beginning

Start your discussion by asking him or her, “Why do we exist Sam/Samantha?  Why are we here?”

Some years ago, I asked the kids in the eighth grade Faith Formation class I co-teach with my wife these very questions.  They should have learned the answers to these questions in their very first Faith Formation class, seven years prior.  But I got 17 blank stares.  None of the kids knew the answer to these questions.  Their indoctrination into the secular world was already in full swing by the time they were in eighth grade.

If the answer your loved one or friend gives is some mumbo jumbo about science or evolution, you’ll know that the person is somewhat befuddled.  Step one is to find out exactly where his or her head is at in regard to God and the Faith.

Start with the obvious question, “Do you still believe in God?”  If the answer is ‘yes’ or even a qualified ‘yes,’ work your way through the basics.  Do you believe:

• that the Bible is the inspired word of God;
• in the Trinity;
• that Jesus Christ is the Son of God and the Word Made Flesh;
• that He was crucified, died, and rose from the dead to save us from sin and purchase our salvation;
• when we receive Communion we are receiving the real Body and Blood of Jesus Christ into our own bodies;
• the Catholic Church is the one true Church instituted by Jesus Himself?

If the answers to these questions are ‘yes’ you can ask, “So, what is it about the Catholic Faith that you are having a problem with?” and go from there.

A ‘no’ answer or an ‘I’m not sure’ answer to any of these questions, however, provides a starting point for further exploration.

A Teacher or A Guide?

Understand, too, that you do not have to take on the role of ‘teacher.’ It may be easier and less threatening to the person if you become more of a ‘guide’ in helping the person to explore the Catholic Faith.

If you are asked a question about, say, the Trinity, you could answer “You know, I don’t know if I can explain the Trinity in a way that makes perfect sense.  Let’s see what Catholic Answers says.”

If you are not familiar with the Catholic Answers website, get familiar with it!  It is your ‘ace in the hole’.  The website’s address is: https://www.catholic.com/

Typing a word or phrase into the “Find” box brings up a wealth of information on it.  It’s a great starting point to finding the answers to any questions your friend or loved one has.

Once you have a starting point, you’re on your way.  As the old saying goes, a journey of a thousand miles begins with a single footstep.  Now it’s a matter of patience and helping the person to see the light.

High Self-Esteem = Pride = Stubbornness

Far too many people today seem to be suffering from severe cases of high self-esteem.

In 2017 an article headline in Education Week was “Why Are Schools Still Peddling the Self-Esteem Hoax?” The headline says it all.

The idea that fostering high self-esteem in kids would boost academic achievement swept the country in the 1980s and 1990s. It turned out that this was not so.  But schools kept right on pushing programs aimed at increasing students’ self-esteem.

Self-esteem can easily turn into pride, one of the seven deadly sins.  Catholics, however, should be practicing the virtue of temperance which encourages humility.  Humility restrains us from having a false sense of our own excellence.  Just as Jesus was humble, so, too, should we be humble.

A comedian I heard once quipped, today we’ve got a lot of adults walking around who are dumb as rocks, but they don’t realize it because they have such high self-esteem.  Many people today may have become lapsed Catholics because of a false sense of pride in their own opinions. And pride is the devil’s favorite sin.

If your lapsed Catholic loved one is a product of public schools, he or she may be suffering from an inflated sense of self-esteem.  He or she has probably also been fed a steady diet of relativism for 12 or 16 years.  Your friend or loved one may have convinced him/herself (with the devil’s help) that Mass is a complete waste of time and may now think that his or her opinions about not going to  Mass are perfectly sound.

You may hear rebuttals such as “Well that’s your opinion” or “We’re just going to have to agree to disagree on this.”

Don’t Give Up

If you get one of the above responses don’t be discouraged!  You may not have upset the apple cart, but you’ve caused it to wobble.  You can easily re-open the conversation a week or two later with questions like:

• “Sam/Samantha, are you still convinced that you don’t have to go to Mass on Sunday?  I’m still trying to understand why you think this.  Can you explain it to me?”
• “Sam/Samantha, do still believe that the devil exists and that he’s always trying to turn us away from God?  Do you think it just might be possible that he’s managed to convince you that you don’t have to go to Mass on Sundays?”

Any response from Sam or Samantha that is an attempt to answer the question enables you to re-kindle the conversation.

But if Sam or Samantha comes back with a “Hey, I said I don’t want to talk about this” you can still gently reply “Sam/Samantha, I love you.  If, God forbid, you suddenly die of a heart attack without a chance to say an Act of Contrition or ask God for mercy, your soul is doomed.  God’s mercy is for the living.  Once you die it may be too late to ask for mercy.  And the thought of not seeing you in  heaven is on my mind every day.  Can you tell me why you don’t think it’s necessary to keep holy the Lord’s day?”

Don’t Let Sam or Samantha off the hook!  Your long-term strategy – because you are playing ‘the long game’ now – is simple: you want to understand Sam or Samantha’s thinking and you are asking him or her to help you.  In doing so you’re getting Sam or Samantha to actually think about his/her beliefs and the why’s behind them.

Some Additional Suggestions

Every time Sam or Samantha offers an irrational or nonsensical reason as to why he or she doesn’t think going to Mass is necessary, you will have to charitably offer a logical/rational reason (in the form of a question) for why his or her thinking is goofy!  Remember that you are planting seeds.

The website “Catholics Come Home” can also be of help. It was set up specifically to help fallen away Catholics find their way back to the Catholic Church.

Somewhere along the line it may be necessary to re-explain the meaning of the Mass.  If this is the case, a 17-minute You Tube video explaining the Mass might be helpful.  The video can be found here.

Another good source of material on the Mass is Jimmy Aiken’s book, “Mass Revision – How the Liturgy Is Changing and What It Means for You.”

Specific to the ‘I don’t get anything out of the Mass’ excuse is a wonderful book by Christopher Carstens entitled, “Devotional Journey into the Mass” subtitled, How Mass Can Become a Time of Grace, Nourishment, and Devotion.  Carstens offers eight simple ways to make the Mass a “joyful time of piety and intense devotion.”

The gift of a St. Joseph’s Sunday Missal may also help the person get more in touch with the Mass.

Final Note

Remember the video mentioned at the end of Part 5.  It is a powerful video that you might want to watch with your lapsed Catholic loved one.  The video can be viewed here.  As of this writing over 1.8 million people have watched it.  Check it out!  It is fantastic!

Next Monday, Part 8:  Excuse #2.

Part 1 is here; Part 2 here; Part 3 here; Part 4 here; Part 5 here; Part 6 here.