Bring ‘Em Back! Part 6

This is the sixth in a series of articles aimed at helping you to get your lapsed Catholic loved one going to Church again and once again becoming a practicing Catholic. 

Excuse #1

So you’ve asked the question, “Sam (or Samantha), I’ve been wondering, how come you’ve stopped going to Mass on Sunday?” And Sam or Samantha responds with Excuse #1.

“I don’t get anything out of Mass; it’s boring, the homilies are dull/uninspiring, and besides, I’m too busy to go to Mass.”

A student in a Catechism class my wife and I were teaching a few years ago actually volunteered that the ‘reason’ his family does not go to Mass is because they’re lives are just too busy.  They just did not have the time to go to Mass!

There is one good thing about this excuse.  At least the person offering it is being honest.  He or she does think going to Mass is all that important.  It’s the same for the ‘Mass is boring’ excuse.

If a person does not like Opera that person does not go to the Opera. A person who does not like musical stage plays, baseball, football, or horror movies does not attend these venues either.

The downside here is that getting Sam or Samantha interested in going to Mass again is probably not going to be an easy, carefree, stroll in the park.

More Variations

On the other hand, you may get lucky!  It may just be that Sam or Samantha finds Mass boring because he or she has somehow come to the misguided conclusion that Mass is all about the Homily.  You may get a response like –

► ‘Father is not an interesting or inspiring speaker. He puts me to sleep.’
► ‘All Father talks about is how things were back in Jesus’ day.  He never makes the readings relevant to today.’
► ‘All Father ever talks about is how much God loves us and how we should love our neighbor, and take care of the poor.  I want to yell out ‘things are going downhill really fast out here in the real world Father!’  Millions of babies are being murdered every year, people are getting divorced right and left, and now homosexuals are getting married.  How come you never talk about any of this?‘

The dull, uninspiring, and non-topical Homilies problem is not new.  In all my years on this planet I’ve heard maybe two dozen inspiring, meaningful, or impactful Homilies.

Sadly, many priests are just not great speakers.  In their defense, however, the purpose of the Homily is to explain the Epistle and Gospel readings.  Even so, some priests (and deacons) are just not adept at making the readings relevant.

But the Homily is NOT the focal point of the Mass. If this is not registering with Sam or Samantha, remember Part 5.  Also have him or her watch the video mentioned at the end of Part 5.

But also be ready for a zig zag.

A Crisis of Faith?

If the person has been either a devout or even a lukewarm Catholic up until recently, it’s possible the person is experiencing a crisis of faith.

To find out, your response to Excuse #1 should be something along the lines of, “How long has this being going on?” or “When did this start?”

A crisis of faith can occur as the result of the loss of a loved one, a divorce, or some other tragic experience that makes the individual begin to doubt God’s love for him or her, or even God’s very presence in our lives.

But it can also gradually occur over time as a result of secular influences. Once doubt takes hold, the individual’s faith begins to waiver and the devil really goes to work.

When encountering a crisis of faith, patience, prayer and compassion are key.

Patience is needed because there may be no ‘quick fix.’  Getting the person back to Mass and living his/her faith again will first require dealing with whatever it is that has caused the crisis of faith.

Pray for the individual, and pray that the Holy Spirit will give you the right words to help you help the person.  Remember St. Monica and St. Augustine.

Compassion for the person and what he or she is going through is also required.

Answering the ‘I don’t know’ Response

The response you get to the ‘how long’ question dictates the approach you need to take.

The response may be something like, “Oh, I don’t know. For a while.”   Or it may be more specific response, like “Ever since _________ died, I just haven’t been getting anything out of going to Mass.”

If the response is of the “for a while or “ever since” variety, you are going to have to ‘drill down.’

Your response should be something like, “Well Sam/Samantha, is it that you really do find the Mass boring, or is there something more going on?  Do you still believe in the teachings of our Faith?”

If the person answers, “I still believe all the teachings of our faith, but I just haven’t been getting anything out of Mass for a while now,” you can relax a bit.  The person is probably not having a crisis of faith.

The Right Mass

It’s possible that the individual may be finding the Novus Ordo (Ordinary Rite) Mass a bit too ‘happy-happy, Kumbaya’ to be meaningful.  If this is the case, finding and attending a Traditional Latin Mass (TLM – the Extraordinary Rite) may be just the ticket.

Or it could be that the modern architecture of the church he or she attends does not evoke a sense of reverence.  Maybe attending Mass at an older, more traditionally architected church that evokes a more pious, reverent feeling is the answer.

Conversely, if the person has always attended Traditional Latin Masses, suggest that he or she attend a Novus Ordo mass.  Maybe it’s time to change  things up.

Re-examining the Mass might also be called for.  There are a number of good books that may be helpful:

A Devotional Journey into the Mass, by Christopher Carstens
A Biblical Walk through the Mass, by Edward Sri
The Lamb’s Supper, by Scott Hahn
The Mass, by Cardinal Donald Wuerl and Mike Aquilina
Calvary and the Mass, by the Venerable Archbishop Fulton J. Sheen
The Prayers and Ceremonies of the Most Holy Mass, by Dom Prosper Gueranger

(Note that the last two are books on the TLM.)

Also find out when the individual last went to Confession.  Perhaps the underlying problem is that the individual feels a sense of guilt for receiving Holy Communion even though he or she may not be in a state of grace.  If so, making a good Confession is the only solution.

If it turns out that the problem is deeper than just a boredom problem, you may have to play 20 Questions to zero in on the real problem.

Answering a Specific Response

If the individual responds saying something like, “Ever since my divorce . . .” or “Ever since _________ died so suddenly . . .” you now know what has probably caused the person’s crisis of faith.

In the case of the death of a loved one, grief counseling may be called for.  Contact your local Catholic Services Office and also find out what kind of literature your parish has available about the grieving process.  Maybe pick Peter Kreeft’s book “Making Sense Out of Suffering.”  Also, find out if there is a grief support group at your parish.

Two excellent online articles about the grief process are:

“Dealing with the Loss of a Loved One” by Father Eamon Tobin, and
“Grief: The Journey Takes Time” by John Mallon.

Similarly, if the crisis of faith is due to a divorce, professional help is usually available through the local Catholic Services Office.  Most parishes or dioceses also have support groups for divorced Catholics.

Also check out divorcedcatholic.com, a website that that offers programs, books, workshops and even daily inspirational emails for divorced persons.   Another good online source is the website Catholic Divorced Ministry.

Addictions

Addictions – alcoholism, drugs, gambling, pornography, and so on – can also cause one to lapse in his or her faith.

An addiction is a sickness that is also a ‘false god’ that can really grab hold of a person.  Loosening that grip is not easy.  Addicts do not become addicts instantaneously and they are not going to overcome an addiction instantaneously.  It takes time.

Getting an addict to recognize that he or she needs help is step one, and quite often it’s a big one.  Getting the individual to seek professional counseling or help from support groups like AA or Gamblers Anonymous can be difficult, but it is a rare individual who can overcome an addiction without help.

Addictions don’t result in a sudden crisis of faith, but they can weaken a person’s faith over time.  When someone forgets ‘why we are here’ going to Mass is no longer important – it just gets in the way of the addiction.

Re-centering a Catholic or any addict’s life on God is not a quick and easy task.

Next Monday, Part 7: Excuse #1 and dealing with a Catholic In Name Only.

Part 1 is here; Part 2 here; Part 3 here; Part 4 here; Part 5 here.