Bring ‘Em Back! Part 11

This is the eleventh in a series of articles aimed at helping you to get your lapsed Catholic loved one going to Church again and once again becoming a practicing Catholic. 

Excuse #5

Excuse #5 is “I don’t agree with the Church’s teachings on sex / contraception / marriage / divorce / homosexuality.” And as an excuse for not going to Mass it really does not make a lot of sense.  It’s like a U.S. citizen saying, ‘I’m not going to file an income tax return anymore because I think the 17^th Amendment to the Constitution is dumb.’

Of course, not paying your taxes will only bring the IRS down on you. But not keeping the Lord’s Day Holy has consequences that are far direr.

Another variation of Excuse #5 is “I stopped going to Mass because the Church is anti-women.” This variation is every bit as poor as the others. None of these variations abrogate the Third Commandment.  This is what you need to make clear to someone who offers up Excuse #5.

A Possible Conversation

So, let’s say you ask Sam, your 26-year-old son, how come he’s stopped going to Mass.  And Sam offers up excuse #5:

“I’ve stopped going to Mass because I’m having sex with my girlfriend, and I felt funny sitting there when everyone else is going to Communion.  I felt like everyone was looking at me and thinking “SINNER!” 

“But on top of that, I don’t think pre-marital sex is a sin.  And if I went to Confession and confessed it, I wouldn’t be sorry for it, so I guess my Confession would be invalid.  And I’d probably have sex with my girlfriend again before the next Sunday, so why even bother going to Confession!”

Your first reaction to such a statement might be “YIKES! I’ve opened a can of worms!” But take heart; it’s not that bad.  Your response, however, does require some tact.

Remember that your immediate goal is to get Sam to start going to Mass again, not to get into a lengthy discussion about Church Teaching on sexuality.

If you can get Sam going to Mass again and praying and opening his heart to Jesus while he’s at Mass, there’s a real good possibility that Jesus will take it from there.  Just maybe Sam will come to realize his thinking on pre-marital sex is in error.  And this would also hold true if Sam was disagreeing with Church teaching on contraception, marriage, divorce, or homosexuality.

Remember Your Goal

So, let’s say Sam is in his mid-20s and has been a fairly devout Catholic or even just a lukewarm Catholic all his life.  And say he has a college degree, earned at a state-run university.  More than likely Sam’s ‘beliefs’ about pre-marital sex are the result of strong secular influences.  You could say to him:

“Well Sam, even though you say you don’t think sex outside of marriage is a sin, it sounds like you are still feeling some guilt because you are not going to Communion.  Could it really be that in your heart you know premarital sex is a sin?  What it comes down to Sam, is that we don’t get to pick and choose which teachings we think are unimportant or incorrect. Catholic teachings are God’s truths.

“Let’s just say for a minute that what the Church, the Bible, St. Paul, and all the Church Fathers say about sex outside of marriage is wrong.  Do you still believe that the 10 Commandments came directly from God and that He wants us to keep His Commandments?”

Since virtually every Christian on the planet endorses the 10 Commandments, Sam will most likely say “yes.”  At the same time Sam may reply with a “yes, but . . .”  But the ‘but’ is irrelevant.  Sam has admitted the 10 Commandments are non-negotiable.

You could then say, “So why are you committing a mortal sin over and over by not going to Mass on Sunday just because you disagree with Catholic Teaching on sexuality?  That doesn’t make a lot of sense, does it?”

Tread Carefully

Note that you’ll need to ‘tread carefully’ at this point.  You want to avoid any urge to get into a discussion on Catholic teaching on sexuality.  Sam is certainly sinning in more ways than one, but you need to take things one step at a time.  Your intention is to get Sam going to Mass again.

Follow with something like:

“Sam, do you agree that God knows your thoughts?  Do you think that just maybe God knows you are having doubts about Catholic Teaching on sex outside of marriage?”

[This same line of reasoning can be used if Sam or Samantha is having problems with other Catholic Teachings.]

If Sam is any kind of honest individual at all, he will answer “yes.”  So follow up with:

“Well Sam, God is our Father and He is the best, most loving, most caring, parent there is.  In fact, He is the perfect parent.  Do you think it just might be possible that it makes Him sad knowing that you are having a problem with one of His teachings and because of this you’re disobeying one of His Commandments?  Don’t you think it might make more sense to go to Mass and ask Him for help in figuring out if you are right about whether or not pre-marital sex is wrong?

“Even if you can’t go to Communion, Jesus is physically right there with us in the Eucharist at every Mass.  Sit in the back of the Church if you really think people are judging you.  But you know what?  I bet anyone who notices you there intently praying during Communion is going to have compassion for you.  Someone may even be inclined to say a short pray asking Jesus to ‘help that guy intently praying who seems to be troubled about something’!”

Don’t Rest on Your Laurels 

If Sam gives you any kind of an opening, like, “Ya, that does kind of make sense,” give yourself a pat on the back.  But don’t rest on your laurels.

As soon as Sam leaves the room the devil is going to go to work on Sam, so help Sam to be prepared.  You might say:

“Just remember, Sam, the devil does not want you to go to Mass.  He wants to keep you as far away from God as possible.  He’s going to start whispering all kinds of lies to you as soon as our conversation is over.  He’s going to try to weaken your resolve to go to Mass.  He’ll also try to stop you from discovering the truth of God’s teaching.  Don’t listen to him.  Jesus is the way and the truth and the life.  Look to Jesus for the answers to your questions.”

Urge Sam to read the Bible and the “Catechism of the Catholic Church” for more understanding of God’s teaching on sexuality.  You could also suggest that he read Humanae Vitae and/or Pope St. John Paul II’s teachings on the “Theology of the Body.”

Once Sam is going to Mass again, ask him how his search for truth is going and offer to assist him in any way you can.

Don’t Let the Confusion become Confusing

Far too many Catholics today are sadly ignorant about many Church Teachings. Confusion following Vatican II, poor Catechesis, and the anti-Catholic/anti-Christian relativistic secularism being espoused by the media, in the education system, and in the entertainment industry are all contributing factors.

Today far too many Catholics disagree with Church teaching on abortion, euthanasia, contraception, fornication, cohabitation, homosexuality and same-sex marriage, and the newest stupidity – transgenderism.  But none of these teachings can be changed.  They are either dogma or definitively proposed doctrines.

Priests like Fr. James Martin and prelates like Cardinals Cupich only add to the confusion.  Even Pope Francis sometimes adds to the confusion when he expresses an off-handed personal opinion.

Monsignor Charles Pope provided a parish priest’s perspective on such confusion in regard to Pope Francis’ comments on civil unions.

“As a priest, I can say his remarks here, and in the past, make my work of teaching and preaching a lot harder. Dissenters are emboldened and the faithful are discouraged. It is also very awkward to have to “popesplain” and remind people that private opinions of the pope can be ignored and do not bind.”

The main point is that Dogma – first level truths revealed to us by God – are not open for debate.  And when it comes to dogma, The 10 Commandments were given to us by God himself.

It’s Not Optional

Keeping Holy the Lord’s Day is not optional.  It’s not an ‘if you feel like it’ kind of Commandment.  And it does not say ‘keep Holy the Lord’s Day in whatever way suits you.’

Similarly, the Third Commandment does not say, ‘if you are confused about Church teaching or disagree with some aspect of Church Doctrine, it’s okay to not go to Mass.’

Next Monday, Part 12: Excuse #6.

Part 1 is here; Part 2 here; Part 3 here; Part 4 here; Part 5 here; Part 6 here; Part 7 here; Part 8 here; Part 9 here; Part 10 is here; Part 12 here; Part 13 here; Part 14 here; Part 15 here.