Each of us needs to show up if we want to develop a deeper relationship with the Lord. And not just once in a while—we need to show up every day to spend some dedicated time with Him.
Put First Things First
A spiritual director can help better integrate a person’s prayer and spiritual life into their entire way of life as an aid to growing deeper in relationship with the Lord. Growing deeper, i.e., growing closer and more in love with God, is His desire for all of us. We were put on this earth for that purpose—recall the wisdom of the Baltimore Catechism:
God made me to know Him, to love Him, and to serve Him in this world, and to be happy with Him forever in heaven.
A key element in all of this is one’s prayer life. And that necessarily includes time spent in mental prayer, or what’s often referred to as meditation, on a daily basis. We simply can’t get to know another person without spending quality time with them. Prayer is how we come to better know God and grow in our relationship with Him.
Why We Don’t Show Up
Yet, so many people in this day and age, with all of the technological “aids” available, believe that they have little to no time to spend quietly with God. Many reasons can come to mind—”my work keeps me too busy, my family needs me, the works of mercy I do as a volunteer take a lot of time,” and…on it goes.
Certainly, some individuals face incredibly difficult life situations at times—overwhelming job demands, a young family, sick family members, or their own illnesses, for example. In some cases, people face a combination of two or more of these which makes it seem nearly impossible to set aside much time for mental prayer.
For what may be the vast majority of us, however, a lack of time for prayer probably is of our own making. Perhaps we should recall the advice of St. Francis de Sales, spiritual director to many laity, who said that we need to pray daily, and when we’re busy we need to pray even more.
Solitude with God
Many of us simply fear sitting alone by ourselves without some screen to keep us occupied. Pascal noted this fear of sitting alone in the 17th century, long before the “time saving” technology of today. Our screens keep us from facing ourselves in the light of God’s love and grace. They keep us from recognizing and owning the fact that we have some spiritual growth opportunities ahead of us if we want to avoid hearing, “I never knew you; depart from me” (Matt 7:23).
All of the great spiritual masters tell us we need silent time, solitude with Our Lord. Without it, how can we build a relationship with Him? For many Christians, relationship building with the Lord looks like attending church once a week for about an hour or so. And some perhaps add some occasionally recited vocal prayers.
For others, listening to audio recordings or podcasts in the car during the commute substitutes for mental prayer time. Anyone who can do that, truly engaging from the heart, while still getting safely from point A to point B, is either far more talented most of us, or they’re kidding themselves. To be clear, this can be good and spiritually fruitful, but it’s not the same as time set aside with the Lord in mental prayer.
You Can’t Sit Down
Some of the inability to sit still with God may come from the capital vice known as acedia (also known as sloth). It can manifest as a sorrow and resentment that growing in virtue takes effort, that we need to do the hard work, even if we don’t feel like it.
Acedia can include an uneasy restlessness of mind which fights to block out the peace God wants to give us at the center of our being. This is worth noting in today’s hectic, fast-paced, screen-based world. It includes a sense of interior restlessness, of not being able to settle down, not being able to spend some quiet time—i.e., an inability to be in solitude with Our Lord for even fifteen to twenty minutes a day in mental prayer.
Properly Ordered Priorities
Sometimes, it’s simply a matter of priorities. If I really want to grow in my relationship with my God, am I willing to get up earlier, or stay up later, to spend time with Him? Yes, or No? Can I pray for and respond to the grace to establish the discipline necessary to do so? Do I really want to? Where are my priorities? In the programs for adult formation in the interior life at In Ispo, participants are given the following suggested order of priorities. God comes first:
- God
- Vocation
- Occupation
- Ministry/volunteering
- Hobbies
In addition to problems with priorities, other distractions away from prayer can come from a variety of sources. Living outside of God’s will—not in accord with the commandments and precepts—can get in the way. As well, harboring resentment and unforgiveness of perceived offenses received can make it hard to set aside time and keep commitments. And even if time is spent in prayer, it will be difficult to hear God speaking.
Attachments and Addictions
Disordered attachments to people and created things, including screen time—even screen time on good, Catholic content often get in the way of prayer. How many of us have wasted more time than we care to admit viewing various short, compelling videos? It’s far too easy to check out one link, and then get drawn into one more, and then another, and another. In fact, it’s all too easy to fall prey to one of many addictions to various internet activities, including social media. Over 50% of Americans between 30 and 49 years of age are addicted to social media.
And consider what Internet and Technology Addicts Anonymous says about “streaming addiction” for example:
Streaming addiction is the compulsive and harmful consumption of streaming video and audio content. It can involve binge watching TV, movies, documentaries, YouTube, Netflix…as well as listening to podcasts…or using other streaming platforms. As a subset of internet and technology addiction, streaming…can lead to changes in the brain that over time compromise our ability to focus, prioritize, regulate our mood, and relate to others.
Those of us who have come to identify as streaming addicts experienced several common symptoms. We streamed for longer than we intended, despite attempts to control or cut back our use. Even when we were aware of the consequences and wanted to stop, we were unable to do so…
Help is available for pretty much any addiction we face these days. But we must first acknowledge our need for help, and then search it out, show up and cooperate with it.
Show Up Prepared
If working with a spiritual director appeals to you, are you doing the basics necessary for a spiritual direction relationship to be fruitful? Without some regularity of mental prayer, you will not be able to avail yourself of the graces the Holy Spirit can provide in direction. In fact, without regular mental prayer, a spiritual direction session risks becoming just another discussion. There’s nothing wrong with that, if both you and the director have the time for it. But it’s not what direction is all about.
If you’re serious about upping your spiritual game and growing closer to God, by all means, spend time with Him every day in mental prayer. Tight time schedule? Start with just five to ten minutes a day and stick to it. Over time, you’ll see your way to add another five minutes a day—in fact, you’ll really desire to do so.
Make notes in a prayer journal about what you’ve experienced during your prayer time. Answer a few questions such as the following at the end of your prayer, such as:
- How has God been speaking to me in prayer?
- When I was praying, what was I thinking?
- What resonated with me?
- What challenged me?
- What was I feeling when I was praying?
- Did I talk with God about it?
- What do I think God was doing?
- Where do I think God is when I’m feeling…?
- What happened when I brought [an issue] to God in prayer?
You don’t need to make up long, eloquent answers—whatever works for you to help you capture what’s going on is all you need. You won’t show your notes to anyone else, but looking them over in advance makes for a more robust discussion with your director when you meet than you otherwise would have by just trying to recall things from your memory.
Show Up for A Great Adventure
If you’re serious about growing in your love for Christ, show up and pray daily; and engage a spiritual director to help you understand what’s going on in your prayer time. Pay attention to where the Lord is leading you. You’ll be in for an exciting adventure!
The more constant you are in the practice of virtue, the more easily will you resist temptation, and very speedily your sadness and sorrow of heart will be dispelled, if you fortify your soul by prayer (Fr. Ignatius of the Side of Jesus, The School of Jesus Crucified).
