Who’s Your Coach?

Who’s your coach? Who is your spiritual coach or director? In the secular world, organizations provide mentors or coaches to help people on their way to success. These mentors or coaches provide the wisdom to help protégés in their growth and development efforts. They help people learn what to do and how to do it in critical roles and activities.  If we value coaching or mentoring in our day jobs, shouldn’t we place an even higher value on guidance and direction for our interior lives? After all, our souls are at stake. That’s where the spiritual “coach” or director comes in. The director provides this guidance in the spiritual lives of others–the “directees.”

Integration through Direction

The primary Spiritual Director actually is the Holy Spirit.  Under His guidance, the human spiritual director walks with another person, the directee, on his or her journey to greater unity with God. Through this three-way relationship and the process of spiritual direction, the director helps the directee “connect the dots” in their life to see where and how God is leading them. In doing so, the director assists the directee in integrating their prayer life with their whole way of life to know and love Jesus more deeply.

This integrative aspect is important–we’re called to live out our faith through our everyday activities. God is there with each of us in those activities. The spiritual director helps the directee find God and His hand in these things.

The prayer aspect is really important–especially the relational, or mental prayer, of the directee. Prayer is the means we use to build our relationship with the Lord. Spiritual direction looks through the lens of that prayer. It focuses on what the Lord is doing in a person’s prayer life, how He’s been speaking to them in prayer, the movements of their heart, and more.

Direction and Relationship

When we speak of one’s relationship with Jesus, we’re talking about “heart knowledge,” not head knowledge. It’s about knowing the love of God in the very depths of our heart, knowing in our heart that we are loved beyond all imagination. We’re loved by a merciful God. This God loved each of us so much that He took on human flesh to suffer and die for us. He’d do it again for any one of us. But do we really know that in our hearts?

Many have an intellectual knowledge of God–that’s good, but it’s head knowledge. Unless we have heart knowledge of Him, we don’t really have the personal relationship He wants for us. Through the process of spiritual direction, the coach can help the directee to grow in their relationship with God–in their heart knowledge of Him.

The Direction Process

What does this direction process look like? It depends; it can vary among direction-based relationships. Normally, you and the director would start with a get-acquainted meeting. This gives you each an opportunity to learn about one another, including your goals for direction. If it seems to be a fit for both of you, then you’d enter into a relationship which involves periodic meetings between the two of you. The frequency can vary from every couple of weeks to begin with, to a month or so. Meetings normally run no longer than an hour. The director maintains strict confidentiality over all information shared in these meetings. In fact, that confidentiality extends even to the identity of directees unless a directee chooses to divulge the relationship to someone.

After an opening prayer by the director, you would share your experiences during the last few weeks or month. The director might ask you questions such as:

“What’s the Lord been doing with, in, and through you?”

“What’s been going on in your prayer time?”

“How has God been speaking to you in prayer?”

Ongoing discussion and follow-up questions would occur as appropriate. This might include where  you, the directee, experienced God’s presence outside of prayer. The director may make suggestions about what you might want to take to prayer after this session, based on the conversation during the session. As well, he or she may suggest tips regarding prayer and your interior life.

Coming to Terms

The director can help you interpret your religious experiences within the context of your life as a whole. He can help you pay better attention to what God is saying to you and what He’s doing in your life. But you are the primary discerner in this relationship. You have to make the decisions and take appropriate action.

Although your spiritual coach may provide you with some information or knowledge, direction is not primarily informative or pedagogical in nature. Similarly, while you may ask for advice on some matters within the realm of direction, the process does not consist primarily of providing advice. Nor is it meant to take the place of psychological counseling. However, in some cases, psychological counseling by a qualified professional may be needed in addition to direction.

Most direction relationships have no commitments as to ongoing duration over time. In other words, if the relationship between the director and a directee does not seem to be working, either party can suggest a termination of it.

Some directors have no other significant sources of income. In those cases, they may suggest a free-will offering that directees can make if they wish. Other directors may suggest that if a directee wishes to make a donation, they do so to a charity.

Clergy, Religious, or Lay Director?

Spiritual direction used to be carried out only by priests and religious.  Now, lay spiritual directors also offer this much-needed ministry. Some people have a bias against going to lay directors, though, and that’s worth exploring here. Spiritual direction is serious business–people’s souls are at risk–so everyone should want access to qualified directors.

Not everyone is cut out to be a spiritual director. I’ve met priests who are good directors and others who probably wouldn’t be a good director. Providing direction for another requires gifts, together with training, to do it well. As well, the type and apparent quality of training can vary widely from program to program. 

Ask Some Questions

If you’re seeking direction, get to know something about the director you’re considering. What program did your prospective coach graduate from? Are there any teachings of the Catholic Church that they take issue with?

Finding A Director

Don’t know a spiritual coach–spiritual director–to contact? Reach out to a faithful site such as SeekDirection and see who’s available there. SeekDirection vets the directors who are listed on it.  Each party–director and seeker–answers a set of questions about themselves. So, if you are seeking direction, you can then check out the profiles of the available directors and identify the director or directors you believe may be most compatible with you. From there, you can contact them to get acquainted.

What Are You Waiting For?

We are all called to holiness. You don’t need to be a saint to have a spiritual director. You just need a desire to work toward sainthood. Find someone to guide you as your spiritual director–to hold up the mirror for you and help you discern God’s next right step for you on your journey to holiness. Enjoy the journey!

Progress in holiness is a long and painful ascent over a steep path bordered by precipices. To venture thereon without an experienced guide is highly imprudent. It is easy to deceive oneself as regards one’s own condition.” – Fr. Adolphe Tanquerey, The Spiritual Life