Healed to Heal: A Miraculous Healing of My Addictions

In my last article, I shared how God transformed my grief and fear into a calling to open the Soul, Mind and Body Retreat—a place where twelve women can rest, heal and encounter Christ. That story was only part of the journey. Today, I want to open up more deeply and share how God worked a personal miracle in my life, one that freed me from the chains I had carried since my teenage years.

This is not easy for me to write. Addiction is something I carried in secret for decades, hidden even from those closest to me. Yet the Lord has made it clear: “Are you not going to glorify Me?” And so, I must tell the truth, not about my weakness, but about His strength.

Chains That Began in Youth

My struggle began in high school. I started smoking marijuana as a teenager, and before long, it wasn’t just recreational—it was daily. Every day, all day. Even as I climbed the ladder in corporate America as an executive and built an image of success on the outside, I carried this hidden slavery on the inside. I became skilled at hiding it, presenting myself as polished and professional while secretly living in bondage.

At the same time, alcohol became another chain. I drank heavily from my high school years onward. From time to time, I would “give it up for Lent,” convincing myself I was in control. But the truth is, I never truly let it go. These habits became the way I numbed pain, stress and emptiness.

Grace Through Mary

In 2013, two life-changing graces collided. After twenty-six years away from the Sacrament of Reconciliation and the Catholic Church, I finally went back to Confession. I can still remember the weight that lifted when I heard the words of absolution after carrying so many mortal sins for so long. It was the beginning of my true return to the Catholic faith.

That same year, I consecrated myself to Jesus through Mary. That act of surrender became another turning point. On the last day of my consecration as I prayed the final prayer, Mary took me to Jesus and He took away my desire to smoke marijuana. It was as if the chain had been cut clean. I walked in that freedom for a decade, more than grateful for that grace.

But after my husband retired, about a year before he passed away, he casually asked if it would be okay if he bought some marijuana. It is legal in our state and I was thinking I was strong enough to resist, I said, “okay.” At first, I believed I could handle it. But slowly, I began to slip back. Before long, the habit returned, and with it came the shame of failure.

I was embarrassed. I had been healed, and yet here I was, chained again. I hid it from others, just as I always had, but the weight of secrecy pressed heavily on me.

The Breaking Point

After my husband’s death, grief consumed me. On Christmas Day, my father had passed away, and just thirty-three days later—the same age Jesus gave His life—my beloved husband followed. I was crushed beneath sorrow. And yet, in my brokenness, I turned to prayer, clinging to Our Lady of Sorrows.

Lent in 2024 began on Valentine’s Day. My plan was to stop drinking and smoking during Lent, but after I thought I would do it only if other people were around and partaking in them. I didn’t want to quit completely.

The following Sunday of Lent, during prayer, something extraordinary happened. Suddenly, my whole body began to shake. Heat surged through me, wave after wave. I knew God was doing something, though I couldn’t explain what it was. I only surrendered to His presence.

When the experience finally passed and my body returned to normal, I knew—instantly—that something had changed. God had healed me. Not only from alcohol, which had been part of my life since high school, but also from marijuana! The desire was gone. Completely. From that day forward, I never picked it up again.

A True Miracle

To this day, I believe my father and my husband were interceding for me in heaven, pulling on Our Lady’s mantle and asking her to obtain this miracle for me. Because how could I open a retreat house for healing while still bound by addictions myself? God’s timing was perfect. He cut off the chains just as He was preparing me to step into this new mission.

It was a true miracle, and yet, I hesitated to share it fully. I spoke openly about being healed from alcohol, but when it came to marijuana, I was embarrassed. Admitting I had relapsed after years of freedom felt humiliating. So, I kept quiet.

But God does not heal us so we can hide His glory.

“Are You Not Going to Glorify Me?”

One day, during prayer, I heard the Lord speak to my heart: “Are you not going to glorify Me?” Convicted in my heart, I knew I had to be honest. I pulled out my camera and recorded a video confession. In it, I admitted publicly that I had fallen back into marijuana but that God, in His mercy, had set me free.

At first, I only spoke of alcohol. The shame still held me back from naming marijuana. But eventually, the Lord gave me courage to confess it fully. It was humbling, but also liberating. What I had hidden in darkness, God had brought into the light. And in the light, shame lost its power and so did Satan.

I shared that video testimony openly, so others can see not just my weakness, but the miracle God worked in me. Because it is not my story—it’s His. (I hadn’t showered, brushed my hair or teeth, this was how convicted I was to make it because I knew I couldn’t wait or Satan would convince me not to do it. Oh, there is a LOT of marijuana in the video, my husband and I planted a seed and it grew, we didn’t buy it. Many of you commented on the amount, just had to share this, too.)

Why I Share This

Why do I share something so personal, so raw? Because I know I am not alone. Countless women—and men—turn to the world’s false comforts when pain feels unbearable. Whether it is drugs, alcohol, shopping, food, or endless distractions, we all know what it means to numb ourselves. But numbing never heals. It only deepens the emptiness.

Only Christ heals. Only He can free us from the chains we have carried for years, sometimes decades. And when He does, it is always for a greater purpose.

From Chains to Mission – From Healing to Healing Others

This is why the Soul, Mind and Body Retreat House is so close to my heart. It is not just another event. It is a private, intimate retreat for only twelve women at a time. In that small, sacred setting, each woman can be seen, known, and given the space to lay down her burdens before the Lord.

I know firsthand that healing begins when we stop hiding, bring our wounds into the light and let God do the work we cannot do on our own. That is what He did for me and that is what He longs to do for others.

I am also grateful to be joined by incredible Catholic women speakers—Dr. Mary Healy, Sr. Deirdre “DeDe” Byrne, Sonja Corbitt, Patricia Sandoval, and many others—who will help guide women into renewal through prayer, teaching and testimony. You can see the full lineup for 2026 at www.soulmindandbodyretreat.com.

Looking back, I see how God was preparing me all along. What once was my greatest shame has become my greatest testimony of His mercy. He healed me, not just for my own sake, but so I could help lead others into His healing.

Jesus has healed me. He longs to heal you, too.