The Little Things

Eight or nine years ago, before her memory started slipping away, my mother-in-law spent a summer sick with Lyme disease. She wrapped herself in a thick blanket and sat in her warm, south-facing room with neglected knitting on her lap, drinking cup after cup of decaf coffee. At some point during her long summer of recovery, I came over to clean up her house for her while my mother – visiting from Michigan – sat and chatted with her in her warm little room.

Now, with a drifting memory and few specifics, she’s made that simple day into something glorious. She remembers my mom spending hours tending to her, there’s a hazy, golden light around us both in her mind. With few other memories to compete with it, that day radiates love and comfort to her today. I’m grateful, it’s nice to be distilled down into something lovely and kind. Forgetting all of my disagreements, frustrations, and limitations – she’s cleaned up my edges and brightened up my shadows.

It’s a rich way of seeing other people that I keep coming back to in this new year. When all the distractions fade away – what is left over?

Remembering

This opportunity to see what really influences the hearts and minds of the people around me can be life-altering. At the end of the day – at the end of our lives – if someone is going to remember one thing about me, I’d rather it be like this – a golden memory of feeling loved and cared for. Not in the sense that I am a doormat, and not in the sense that I am unwilling to defend my values – but in a way that helps others see my values and my faith as an embrace, rather than a rejection.

Because of that, I don’t see activism the way it is enacted today, as an ideal way to influence anyone. Marches, protests, documentaries, conferences – they tend to exist primarily so that people who already agree with each other can gather together and agree publicly. They rarely influence the people on the margins. But a smile, a little patience, connecting over something small – those are the things that touch hearts.

It’s challenging – we all have a line that we can’t cross without losing respect for ourselves. A few lines, hopefully. But most of our interactions don’t require argument. I don’t need to beat the grocery store cashier over the head with my views on her rainbow pin. I just need to be someone kind in her line – turns out we both love cilantro and really good pens!

In a world that is continually snapped across a cultural divide on unrealistic, intentionally curated online platforms, the opportunity to really connect with other people can be life-altering. There are moments I’ll remember all my life – a 4-hour conversation with a sweet, talkative, drug dealer with a pet rabbit on a Greyhound bus, an off-hand remark from a construction worker that changed my whole day, a little old lady who held onto my hand all through Mass when I was a stranger, a Christian friend who encouraged me when I was searching for direction.

I’ll remember these people all my life. They brought me tiny snapshots of Christ’s love and helped me grow towards an imitation of Christ. I hope I am that person for so many strangers as well. I hope you are. I hope that we will all meet in eternity, wearing the golden glow of Christ’s own vision of us. Direct evangelization is important, I don’t want to ignore it, but no one is convinced by words without love. No one is introduced to Love Himself by programs, documentaries, lectures, or commissions. We meet Christ by meeting His people – whether they know they’re His or not.

Evangelization

Catholics can get wrapped up in activism. We all can. C.S. Lewis refers to this tendency in his Screwtape Letters as “Christianity And” in which faith itself is mingled with, and even substituted for by some “fashion with a Christian colouring.” And with so many intensely important issues surrounding us, it can be very hard to avoid substituting some real good for our faith: social justice, pro-life work, reverent liturgy, traditional marriage, classical education, healthy eating … for every Catholic there is a meaningful cause that can either spring naturally from our faith, or distract us from it.

How do we know when our faith has become “Christianity And”? Well, it can be very hard. But one of the ways I try to distinguish it is love. Can I still act in a loving way towards those promoting something that violates this good? Can I see the image of Christ in a pro-abortion family member? A gay cousin? Can I respect a friend whose Mass repels me? Or am I only engaging with these people in order to “fix” them? Is there a “fashion with a Christian colouring” that distorts my relationship with Christ? There usually is, for all of us. Being aware of it helps us to set it aside more often, and more intentionally. When we do, we give ourselves more opportunity to love as Christ loves.

The Little Things

Tomorrow, we’re meeting my in-laws for breakfast. It’s my mother-in-law’s birthday. She’s turning 76, but she might not remember that. What she will remember is the hugs of her grandchildren, the kindness of her son, and the constancy of her husband. She’ll remember feeling safe, loved, and cared for. It’s those memories, that sink into the soul even when the brain has forgotten them, that will help her walk toward Christ with confidence in these later years of her life. I’m grateful to be a part of that for her, and I hope that for each of us, the world is full of golden-haloed strangers, to help us walk the narrow road to Eternity.