Our Dark Night

We claim that we follow Christ but sometimes that relationship asks us for so much more than we realize at first. More than one saint has referred to what St. John of the Cross called, ‘The Dark Night of the Soul’ as God takes control of their lives and starts to purify them. It is a painful process. As St. Teresa of Ávila once remarked, “If this is how you treat your friends, no wonder you have so few”.

There must be more to searching for God than simply waiting. Waiting must be active! However, sometimes that waiting calls us to move into a deeper relationship with God and that relationship might be quite the challenge until we come out on the other side. He calls us constantly as he draws us closer to Him. Sometimes, that might bring us to this “dark night.”

I had read a book by Carlo Carretto once and in his Letters from the Desert, he said,

God does not hurry over things; time is his, not mine. And I, little creature, a man, have been called to be transformed into God by sharing his life. And what transforms me is the charity which he pours into my heart.

God’s Ways

The Lord works stealthily, mysteriously. We live in a world where everything is instantaneous and if we cannot find it, we look on Instagram or Twitter. The answers must be there. But those answers that we so desperately seek take time. We work and we want to be rich. We date and it should lead to marriage. We are ‘good’ and we should get to heaven. It is not so automatic. I do not think life works so easily and clearly, although we want it that way of course.

I recall once years ago, I had told my parish priest that I had felt God had forgotten me. He smirked at me with incredulity. His simple reply, “Daniel, you would disappear in an instant if he forgot you.”

In my thoughts of despair, I was sure I was right but I was not looking at the situation with God’s eyes but with my own limitations. I was sure that he was not answering my prayers because I had my own criteria as to what an answer should be and how it should be answered. How foolish! “There are more tears shed over answered prayers than over unanswered prayers”. Saint Teresa of Avila Wise words from a wise woman and a woman of prayer. It is at this moment that we must take heart. It is here where the Lord meets us. The road is difficult yet it is a road that is rich in beauty.

The Carmelites I visit tell me often that if we answered our prayers in the way we expect we would ruin everything. The world responds in this way but we as Catholics do not. We cannot because we must trust in what God wants for us which is what we really want inside. At times, when we experience desolation in prayer, we must look at Christ in his agony in the Garden and how he suffered.

Sometimes, we enter that ‘dark night’ and for sure it is not something that we enjoy. I do not think it is something that we should simply tolerate or endure but maybe, as the Carmelites say, we need to double down on our faith in Christ when we enter into that dark period. Surely he knows our pain. St. John of the Cross, whom I would not dare to try to understand said, “In the dark night of the soul, bright flows the river of God…….Silence is God’s first language.”

Other Examples

I often think about how important silence is in our lives and how much we lack silence. But, God needs this silence to teach us, to help us understand what we are looking for and what it is he wants from us. We have our own ruler to measure how our lives should be and what would make us happy. We place expectations on ourselves, others, our work, and our lives. We ask for clarity in difficult situations, in our vocation search, and in our happiness but it cannot be of our own doing. St. Gemma was another saint who experienced a dark night. “Let us go to Jesus. He is all alone and hardly anyone thinks of Him, poor Jesus.” We want to go to Him or at least for Him to come to us but it cannot be as we want or expect.

I look back on the struggles that I experienced. What doesn’t kill really does make us stronger. But, that is too cliche! The Lord allows us to enter into a relationship with Him but it cannot be based on what we think we desire.

The Dark Night

I can only conclude with a quote from Mother Theresa.

Jesus, hear my prayer. If this pleases you, if my pain and suffering, my darkness and separation gives you a drop of consolation, my own Jesus do with me as you wish, as long as you wish, without a single glance at my feelings and pain. I am your own. Imprint on my soul and life the sufferings of your heart (Mother Teresa of Calcutta in a letter to Jesus, from Mother Teresa: Come Be My Light).

Her words say it better than I can. That dark night that these great saints experienced are lessons for us. A most beautiful time in the liturgy of the Church for me is Easter morning when the Gospel is read regarding Mary Magdalene’s return to the tomb to look for Jesus. “Where is my Lord?” she cried out. He is not here, he has risen. She must have experienced that darkness but “He has risen.” He promised us and he would never betray that word. Something to think about during Lent.