No Formal Services Will Take Place, But They Should

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“At his request, no formal services will take place.” If you read the obituaries from time to time, you may notice a statement to this effect in many of them. In fact, you may see it in the obituaries of people you knew to be Catholics. Recently I talked with a deacon who was on his way to a graveside service for a departed Catholic. We both wondered aloud why it seems so many Catholics choose not to have a funeral Mass upon their passing. Why wouldn’t you want the blessings available through the most powerful prayer of the Church?

The Mass–The Ultimate “Formal Service”

The eucharistic sacrifice of the Mass is “the summit and source of all worship and Christian life.” (Can. 897) Indeed, it is “the center of the whole Christian life” (GIRM, No. 16) Jesus instituted it at the Last Supper when He said to “do this in remembrance of me.” (cf. 1 Cor 11:23-26) The Mass has infinite value. When we bring our offerings and petitions to Mass, we are praying with the entire Church. We’re combining our prayers to God with those of all the living and the dead, uniting them with Jesus Christ crucified.

At the consecration, all the saints and angels are present. Our Blessed Mother is there, very near to the priest who is saying the Mass. The holy souls in purgatory are there as well. Jesus Himself is there, taking the place of the priest at that moment. If we could really see all that is happening and all those present in the sanctuary, we’d be truly amazed. All the more reason for a Catholic to have formal services, including at least a funeral Mass, upon death.

Funeral Rites and Praying for the Dead

Through its funeral rites, including the Mass for the Dead, the Church commends the soul of the departed to God’s mercy. In this day and age, of course, many Catholics and other Christians believe that most everyone’s going straight to heaven anyway. I’ve attended more than one funeral Mass over the years where a member of the clergy gave what sounded like an informal canonization to the deceased during the homily.

But we can’t know for sure the state of a loved one’s soul at their passing. That’s why we should pray for them, why we should offer a Mass for them. It’s why every Catholic should ask others to pray for them, and insist on the funeral rites of the Church upon their departure from this life. Take advantage of the graces available to you through the Church. Insist on “formal services” within the structure of the Church’s funeral rites.

Your Right to a Catholic Funeral Mass

The Order of Christian Funerals encourages the celebration of a funeral Mass when a Catholic dies. And Canon law states, “Deceased members of the Christian faithful must be given ecclesiastical funerals according to the norm of law.” (Can. 1176 §1). It’s your right as a Catholic to have a funeral Mass when you die. Don’t give up that right. 

Unfortunately, in this day and age, some relatives of departed Catholics may have fallen away from the faith. To them, what’s important is to “celebrate the life” of John or Jane, have a meal and some libations, and then split up the estate. Other Catholics may have family members who are, at best, uninterested in anything spiritual, and at worst, openly hostile to Catholicism. If you think it’s of benefit to your immortal soul, spell it out in an addendum to your will. Give a copy of that addendum to key parties, including your parish office. Insist on your right to Catholic funeral rites. Specify those formal services of the Catholic Church that you desire regardless of what anyone else thinks. Don’t take anything for granted.

Prayers of the Funeral Mass

Do you still need convincing? Consider some of the beautiful prayers available during a funeral Mass. One option for the Collect, for example, asks:

“O God, who have set a limit to this present life, so as to open up an entry into eternity, we humbly beseech you, that by the grace of your mercy you may command the name of your servant__________ to be inscribed in the book of life. Through Our Lord, Jesus Christ…”

At the prayer over the gifts, the priest may pray:

“Be near, O Lord, we pray, to your servant__________, on whose funeral day we offer you this sacrifice of conciliation, so that, should any stain of sin have clung to him/her or any human fault have affected him/her, it may, by your loving gift, be forgiven and wiped away. Through Christ Our Lord…”

And after Communion, the priest asks in prayer,

Grant, we pray, almighty God, that your servant__________, who has journeyed from this world may by this sacrifice be cleansed and freed from sin and so receive the everlasting joys of the resurrection. Through Christ Our Lord…”

Throughout the Mass offered for the soul of the departed, the priest and the congregation are praying for that person in a way that’s only available through the Mass with all its inherent power. And it continues right up to the very end of the Mass, prior to processing out of the church, with the final commendation.

At the End of the Mass

At the end of the Mass, the priest prays the prayers of final commendation, such as:

“Before we go our separate ways, let us take leave of our brother/sister. May our farewell express our affection for him/her; may it ease our sadness and strengthen our hope…To You, O Lord, we commend the soul of __________ your servant; in the sight of the world he/she is now dead; in your sight may he/she live for ever. Forgive whatever sins he/she committed through human weakness and in your goodness grant him/her everlasting peace…”

Perhaps you’re far more certain of the disposition of your soul than I am of mine. I believe I need all the help I can get. Please prayerfully consider this matter for your own sake. Take some time now to plan for your departure. You can, with the assistance of your local parish and mortuary, plan out the formal services that will benefit your immortal soul. Set it all up in advance. You will be able to rest assured that the services you wish to have are taken care of, and you will save your loved ones the hassle.

“In Paradisum deducant te Angeli in tuo adventu suscipiant te Martyres et perducant te in civitatem sanctam Jerusalem.”

“May the Angels lead you into paradise: may the Martyrs receive you at your arrival and lead you into the holy City of Jerusalem.”

In Paradisum/Into Paradise

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20 thoughts on “No Formal Services Will Take Place, But They Should”

  1. The wording of some of the prayers you quoted are actually part of the problem.
    “should any stain of sin have clung to him/her or any human fault have affected him/her”
    And
    “whatever sins he/she committed through human weakness”
    Seem to suggest that it’s quite possible, even likely, that the deceased was totally sinless, or at most had committed some trivial misdemeanors and wasn’t really to blame even for them. Implying that it’s a waste of time to pray for his soul.

    1. JOHN M GRONDELSKI

      Nonjudgmentalism affects even the Church, even though Trent taught that absent a special grace of God, no one can avoid venial sin in this life. Leads to universalism (“dare we hope all men be saved” with a wink-wink, nod-nod, “yup”).

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  3. Last November I wrote a piece about a trend in France for “lay-led funerals.” The problem cuts both ways: fallen away Catholics and lazy Catholic leaders pretending their sloth is “pastoral.”

  4. A very good and informative article. And timely too.
    You’ve convinced me, Dom. I’m changing my instructions for my parish and my spouse.

  5. Thank you for your thoughts on cremation, Dom. I do feel strongly about it. I will start some action to get what I prefer. I’m glad you published your article today.

  6. Dom, do you have any thoughts about cremation? My Catholic parish here in Florida has a columbarium (right word?) in a separate section of the church. I know this is acceptable now but isn’t burial still preferred? My husband is Protestant; we have no children; my siblings are scattered across the country. I would prefer to be buried in my midwest childhood home town in a Catholic cemetery. I guess I’d better make a plan even though everyone will say that cremation and a Catholic Mass right where I live is more sensible. I don’t feel very sensible.

    1. Good questions you pose. CCC 2301 says “The Church permits cremation, provided that it does not demonstrate a denial of faith in the resurrection of the body.” And I believe you are correct in stating that burial is still preferred: “The Church continues to prefer the practice of burying the bodies of the deceased, because this shows a greater esteem towards the deceased” (Ad resurgendum cum Christo (“To rise with Christ”) 4)). So, if you believe in, and feel strongly about, burial, then go for it. Hope this helps! Thanks again, and God bless

  7. Fine article. My wfe’s funeral was very much appreciated by my family. I was surprised at who attended the service, some friends I never expected to see there. I will always remember them for their attendance.
    I always try to make it a pont to attend service for dead ones.
    Another thing I always make it a point to attend Church weddings that I have been fortunate enough to be invited. It is sad that many invitees skip the Church and the attend the reception.

    1. David, thank you for your comment and for your faithful witness. I am sorry for your loss–it’s good to hear how much your family appreciated your wife’s funeral, and the nice surprise of seeing folks there you hadn’t expected. And it’s also good to hear of your support for church weddings and your spiritual works of mercy in attending funerals. God bless you – Dom

  8. When belief in the Real Presence is suspended, nothing else matters. Churchmen have take so much from us and given us so little in return.

  9. People more and more in the USA are not having funeral Masses. One dying woman, a practicing Catholic told me they were “morbid”. Another person said they did not want to put their family through the “trauma” of a Funeral Mass.
    Adult children have said that no one in the family is Catholic anymore so no Mass.
    Some prefer a “Celebration of Life” complete with videos, the deceased’s favorite music (in one instance, “Leaving On Jet Plane” by Peter, Paul and Mary). Video recaps of the deceased most loved moments of their favorite sports team’s victories have played large part in these “celebrations” in my sports obsessed region of.the country. Balloons, specially decorated cupcakes and tee shirts with a picture of the one who had died are distributed. Booze and food abound. No prayers but “memories” are shared.

    I have found that the practice of cremation is much more common for those who have these “Celebrations of Life”. While this is all fine at a venue wake, it is useless for the one who has reposed.

    Someone has said, “Funerals are for the living”. This a fine example of an attitude that drives the lack of funeral Mass for the dead. Funeral Masses are for both the living to pray, to mourn and commend one’s loved one to God. For the deceased it is the great act of being united in the Lord’s sacrifice of the His death and resurrection. It is offered for the sins of the deceased and for their eternal life. The Sacrifice of the Mass cleanses sins, gives hope in the resurrection and commends a loved one to God. For someone planning their own funeral asking for no Mass this is deprivation of the grace of the Sacrifice. It shows an ignorance
    of the Faith of the Church since it denies any sign of belief when a person needs prayers the most. When adult children refuse a Mass for thier devout Catholic parent they add greatly to thier own sins.

    Where I serve we always offer a daily Mass for a soul deprived of the rites of Christian prayer and burial. If the Catholic decedent wouldn’t have approved or the adult children are angry, too darn bad. Christians of the ancient Faith (Catholics and Orthodox) always remember their dead through prayers, good works and continued supplications.

    “Forgive them all thier sins, for you alone, O God, are without sin, Your justice is eternal justice and your word is truth, for You are the resurrection and the life of Your departed servant and to you we send up glory, with Your eternal Father and Your all holy, good and life creating Spirit, now.and ever and unto ages of ages. Amen. -Eastern Christian Funeral Service

  10. It seems to me that the Covid epidemic changed the practice of having a funeral of any kind. Families have private funeral Masses, or a “memorial” service months after the death, or just nothing. Thank you for the reminder to make a plan. Of course I want a Mass!

    1. Thank you for your comment, Mrs. Bridge! I agree that the virus and related changes had an impact on funerals, together with other factors that some of the other comments mention as well. God bless – Dom

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