NFP Cultivated Our Trust in God

downtime, moral, Baby, abortion
From the beginning of our marriage, it was necessary for my husband and I to use NFP (Natural Family Planning) to try to avoid pregnancy.  In spite of our efforts, we found out we were pregnant during a time we were avoiding for health reasons.  The modern world would say, “well, that’s what happens when you don’t use birth control.”  The modern world would say we should have been using methods outside of natural ones.  Yet, once again, the Catholic Church has proven that she has mankind’s best interests at heart.  With NFP, we have found a way to do our best within our limited knowledge, while still allowing God’s will to be done.

 

The Pain of Needing NFP

We had planned to enter marriage leaving our “family planning” to God’s discretion, meaning we were not going to try for or against pregnancy.  But a couple of months after we became engaged, a difficult appointment with my doctor made us change our plans.  It was strongly recommended that we avoid pregnancy until my health had completely recovered.

Avoiding pregnancy as newlyweds was not the experience we hoped for and caused both stress and tension.  Still being new to charting myself, it took a while to learn my patterns.  Irregularities added difficulties.  We used a couple of methods, but things still felt like a guessing game.  Making it through the first year without any “surprises” felt like a bittersweet accomplishment.

The Hidden Sacrifice
Though delaying adding little ones to our new family of two was hard, the time proved beneficial for us to figure out our plans and better our finances.  We hoped that a year would give us enough time to recover and prepare in the ways necessary.  But when our anniversary came, our life and my body were still not ready.

We struggled with sadness at having to put off starting our family even longer.  Already, we had been subject to unkind whispers from others who judged us for not being pregnant yet.  Little did they know avoiding pregnancy was a difficult sacrifice for us. We cried about it then kept moving on with life.

Being Open Through NFP

One fateful night after this I knelt down and prayed, “God, you know all the reasons we are avoiding pregnancy now.  We are trying to be responsible stewards of our life and responsible parents for our future family, by making the decision that seems best from our limited perspective.  You know how hard this decision is.  If we are misguided, then please overcome our efforts and let pregnancy happen.  If it is your will for pregnancy, please take care of us, because we honestly don’t know how we would be able to handle it.  As always, Thy will be done.”

A couple of months after saying this prayer, I found myself trying to discreetly buy a pregnancy test at the grocery store.  It was just to put my mind at ease: I didn’t think there was any way I could be expecting.  My husband had started a new job that same week and was out of town training for a couple of nights.  I figured I would take the test and get the negative result without even having to worry him.  I was wrong.

That night found me in the bathroom crying in fear over a positive pregnancy test.  I had two more tests done, at a pregnancy center and at a lab.  All came back the same: I was 4-5 weeks pregnant.  I put my hand over my belly as I stood alone in our apartment, underweight and sickly, and whispered “Oh baby, I am so sorry…”  I felt like I had doomed our first child to miscarriage by conceiving while so physically unfit.

 

God’s Will Be Done
The pregnancy was just as hard as we expected.  But God provided.  Literal miracles occurred, prayers received dramatic answers, and we had an army of faithful friends offering up petitions for us daily.  My daughter was born a remarkably healthy and beautiful baby.  As she has grown up, she has proven to have a spunky personality and a sweet soul.

She has been a light in our lives as we continue to struggle with many difficult things.  Becoming parents helped us see our family goals in a new light and shift our plans to better match what would be best for us as a family of three, rather than just two adults.  She may be a baby still, but we are the ones who need her and God knew we would.

We Can Only Do Our Best
This experience has been a powerful proof to me of the value of NFP.  The same method we had used to prevent pregnancy for over a year failed, and not because we gave in and came together at a time we knew was fertile.  My health struggles had never affected the signs we tracked, until this one flare-up.

Now that I have started a new method and have learned my body better, I can see what happened.  But I still consider it God answering my prayer that our daughter was conceived: He blessed our honest intentions in avoiding pregnancy but also gave us a child when He knew it was right.

NFP and Responsible Parenthood
Had we used artificial contraceptives, we would not have had the openness that made our daughter’s existence possible.  We would have been acting out of fear and control rather than trusting prudence.  Instead, we pursued “responsible parenthood”, as described in Humane Vitae, Section 10:
Responsible parenthood, as we use the term here, has one further essential aspect of paramount importance. It concerns the objective moral order which was established by God, and of which a right conscience is the true interpreter. In a word, the exercise of responsible parenthood requires that husband and wife, keeping a right order of priorities, recognize their own duties toward God, themselves, their families and human society.

That is the true beauty of NFP: it continually reaffirms that God is in control.  It enables us as humans to use our limited knowledge of our lives and circumstances, make the best choice we can about whether to try for or to avoid pregnancy and trust that God will bless us for trusting Him and remaining open, even within the unfertile times.

NFP: The Only Option
I will always be grateful we were taught that NFP was the only option.  Had we used other methods, our miracle of a daughter may not be here.  And though it has been the most challenging thing to have her in the midst of so much struggling, it has also been the most beautiful and rewarding experience of our lives.

NFP is not Catholic contraception.  It is not saying no to God’s design.  For us, it was being responsible stewards of our fertility while allowing God to be in charge.  The results speak for themselves.  God is good.

(I want to add that this was our personal experience.  It is not meant in any way to discredit or judge any other couple’s experience of NFP, reasons for trying to avoid or conceive, or the difficulties surrounding this area of married life.  It is only to share that for us, NFP was a beautiful gift that allowed God to send us a child when He knew it was best, but is also allowing us now to continue putting off another child until my health is finally restored.  May God bless all those couples struggling with any stage of NFP.)
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Abigail C. R. Gripshover

Abigail C. R. Gripshover is a published Catholic author and business owner, passionate about Catholic Apologetics. She has been a voice for the Church online for over 10 years, encouraging her fellow Catholics to embrace the teachings of the Faith in every area of life. Her business, Open Doors Media, provides copywriting and digital brand strategy for industrial service-based companies. "Wife" and "mom" are her favorite titles, and she loves reading poetry by the ocean in her coastal hometown. To God be the Glory!
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4 thoughts on “NFP Cultivated Our Trust in God”

  1. Sergio

    NFP is never allowed when used to prevent a pregnancy, but only to achieve a pregnancy. The primary end of marriage is the begetting and raising of children. Any secondary ends: the quieting of concupiscence, mutual aid etc. must be subordinated to the primary end: children. You simply did not resign yourself to God’s will in your prayer when you were concocting a scheme to reap the benefits of engaging in the marital debt while avoiding its primary end: children. It’s really no different than artificial birth control, both have equal rates of success when used effectively, both have the same goal, and both the avoidance of children. A real response of faith would to be throw away the NFP instructions and trust completely in God as all Christians did for thousands of years before the discovery of fertility awareness.

    Reply
    1. Gene M. Van Son

      In all charity Sergio, you are wrong. Per the “Catechism of the Catholic Church” (2368) “For just reasons, spouses may wish to space the births of their children.” Gaudium et Spes says this as well, and Humanae Vitae (16) also says that a couple may morally space births if there are well-grounded reasons “arising from the physical or psychological condition of husband or wife, or from external circumstances.”

  2. Karen

    Your experience is not the only one. Most people will be different and should not have their rights restricted because things worked out for you.

    Reply

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