My wife and I are both rushing into Church on a Sunday morning a bit late, the entrance hymn is starting to play. A nun in a white habit stops us and wishes my wife warmly, Happy Mother’s Day. It is a grace filled wish from the smiling nun.
My mind wanders during the Mass and I think of the sacrifices the religious make. A recent talk heard by a renowned preacher Father echo. I used to dream of my wedding often as a child, Father says, adding I have given up I like what I like for Him. Many sacrifices made by religious for Him including that of being an earthly mother or father.
Mother’s Day. No greater love than that of a Mother. As the Mass ends, all the Mothers are called up to the Altar for a special blessing and prayer.
Some lines penned in the past come to mind:
The Biryani*
I made the biryani lovingly, painstakingly put together with the best ingredients, the perfect way that he likes it to be. I carefully pack the biryani once ready and embark on my weekly voyage with it, unmindful of the scorn of others. I visit and give him the biryani, relishing the sight of him wolfing it down, his only weekly treat.
I do not say a word to him about the past when we are together. You see – he is in jail, and I am his mother. Nothing else matters when we are together. Love, that’s all.
This article is supposed to be about Father’s day and Responsible parenting with love, but I mentioned the background to share that Mother’s day gets much more recognition and mind recall than Fathers Day which falls on the third Sunday in June, and is celebrated in India on that day.
This is rightly so, as Mothers do have much more impact on the life of a child in the initial years than the role of a father.
Traditionally the role of a father has been one of enforcing discipline. We as Catholics are fortunate to have a great role model on what fatherhood and parenting with love means through God and His Son, the Good Shepherd.
Every Mass I attend, when it comes to the offertory and I hear the words, “This is my Body which I offer up for you, “, I marvel at how He could say these words knowing there was one at that very table during the last supper who was about to betray Him. A great example of what a Good Shepherd means.
Recently we are driving back from a program, my son and I, and I am not paying attention when he is speaking, distracted by a message on my mobile. “Dad, why are you not listening to me?”, he asks upset.
In such moments my human weakness comes out. No matter what troubles I have, business matters, financial, worries about the children’s education and their career path etc, I must not be troubled by them and radiate love towards them as He did.
So many examples are also present in the scriptures on how He prayerfully led His team by praying and fasting before important decisions. This maturity of mind and great love which enabled Him to lay down His life for all us is rooted in love. This love enabled Him to correct gently the mother of James and John when she tried to seek positions of power for them. This love enabled Him to select Peter as the rock on which to build the Church on, even after three denials, also to speak to the Samaritan woman in depth and change her life trajectory with gentle answers to her sometimes harsh queries. How He dealt with the woman in adultery, also shows me the way to respond when my children make a mistake. Not accusing anyone, but asking them to realize the folly of actions themselves is a great quality of leadership.
In spite of all these examples, I am human, I falter, in my leadership of my family. I might be harsh at them often, not radiating love, as I come back home sometimes disturbed by the matters of the day as well as the unruly traffic on the roads I have to battle. My dark mood on such days do nor radiate love to my wife and children, the most important treasures that He has blessed me with. I try and seek help in overcoming this attitude.
Sharing all these matters with a senior Father I speak to for spiritual guidance, Father asks me to read the Gospel of Mathew Chapter 6 when I have the time. I do what the Father says, reading the specified chapter in a quiet chapel and the following verses from this chapter stand out:
So do not start worrying where will my food come from? Or my drink? Or my clothes? Your Father in heaven knows that you need all these things. Instead be concerned above everything else with the Kingdom of God and with what he requires of you and he will provide you with all these things. So do not worry about tomorrow; it will have enough worries of its own. There is no need to add to the troubles each day brings (Matthew 6: 31-34).
Yes, really I need not worry too much about worldly matters. If I work sincerely in my God given vocation, the Lord surely will provide enough for my family’s needs. Let me focus on the Kingdom of God here on earth, my family, radiating love to them as much as possible, so they too can bloom and be the best version of themselves.
Help me, Lord.
Every family needs a father — a father who shares in his family’s joy and pain, hands down wisdom to his children, and offers them firm guidance and love (Pope Francis).
*Biryani- an Indian dish made with highly seasoned rice and meat or fish and vegetables
