Keeping The Faith During Depression

Everybody gets the blues. But some people really get the blues in the form of depression.

For many people depression involves brain chemistry, which means it is a medical issue. Some people have life experiences which create or contribute to depression.  Depression usually involves some feelings of hopelessness which makes it a spiritual issue.

My own depression is part heredity, part PTSD (civilian), and part toxic family history. I take my pills, see my therapist, and try to practice good spiritual and mental hygiene. But sometimes that is not enough.

I am going to focus on my own struggles with depression here, not for sympathy but in hopes that my experiences can be of use to others who fight this same battle. I know for sure I am not alone.

When the Blues Go Bad

Recently I went through one of the worst downturns I’ve ever had – the first really bad downturn in years. It was a perfect storm: several weeks of gloomy weather, a flare up of toxic behavior in the remnants of my family of origin, the first anniversary of my retirement from software development, COVID isolation, and a painful injury to my knee that inhibited my mobility for a while. As one of my friends likes to say about himself at times, I took to my bed like a Victorian maiden who heard a bad word.

It was bad enough that for several days I almost didn’t even pray. And what prayers I did have were not especially useful.

This is what happens when the blues go bad and turn toxic. Depression turns us inward in unhealthy ways.  It threatens to lock us into cycles and spirals of despair and self-laceration.

Don’t Let Prayer Be the Last Resort

In the end I got up and got out to walk around the neighborhood in daylight and fresh air.  I also hauled myself in to Mass, after which I asked several people to pray for me.  One of my parish priests responded with a powerful prayer of healing and deliverance, as did one of our deacons. I began to feel better immediately.

More importantly, it turned out that one of the lay people I asked to pray for me was also dealing with an ugly bout of depression, giving me someone to pray for myself. The prayers of another person are a great gift to us from both God and our brother or sister . . . but the privilege of praying for another can be beyond price.

The best way to know that prayer works is to both give it and receive it. To pray for someone battling your own affliction, whether it’s depression, cancer, COVID, or any of life’s travails, is to be drawn out of yourself, to engage with God’s divine mercy, and reinforce the connection we share as children of the risen Lord.

This is why prayer should never be the last resort in times of difficulty.

Lies are at the Heart of Depression

Depression can have many origins. Whatever its origin, the devil is quick to infuse it if he can with some of his favorite lies.

People who are depressed can feel unloved and unlovable, worthless, hopeless, ashamed, oppressed by guilt for things that are past, and haunted by the idea that they are somehow beyond forgiveness. All of these feelings can quickly be weaponized by the enemy, who loves to whisper lies into our ears.

Of course none of us have lived so perfect a life as to be without reason for occasional moments of healthy regret and even a bit of – healthily proportional – shame. But we have the sacrament of Reconciliation for those moments; we are not required to live with unending shame. Repentance can be difficult, but it is another of our tools to fight both depression and the enemy’s use of it.

No matter how we feel in the moment, God loves us. He created us with worth and died on the Cross to give us hope. He forgives our sins and washes away our shame. When the devil seizes on to our worst feelings during a time of depression, this is what he wants us to forget, what he wants to hide from our minds and hearts.

Prayer Is Our Sovereign Remedy, But Not the Only One

Prayer is powerful and necessary, but it is not the only remedy for depression. If your blues have gone on too long or gotten too deep, it is time to seek other help as well – therapy and/or medication.

There is an old teaching story about a man during a flood turning down offer after offer for help, starting with a big wheel truck evacuating people, to boats, and eventually even a helicopter offering to pick him up from his roof and fly him to safety. He turns down ever offer by saying “They Lord will take care of me.”

His house later breaks up and he is swept away and drowns. When he gets to heaven he complains, saying “I trusted God to save me! Why didn’t he save me?” He is then told “God tried. He sent a truck, boats, and even a helicopter.”

By all means pray, and seek prayer. But do not ignore those whom God has gifted with healing tools, from patient listening and talking to prescriptions and physical therapy.

Cling To The Cross

We are often told that we are not alone, that there is no human trial or pain that Jesus did not experience.

Consider the night before the Passion and the Passion itself. To know betrayal is coming, to find your beloved friends asleep while you wrestle in prayer, and to finally suffer all that arrest and execution brought makes my depressed feelings seem mild in comparison. Nothing in my life is remotely comparable.

Jesus cried out from the cross his feeling of abandonment; how can my tepid feelings of isolation compare? For never have I had the kind of full experience and communion with the Father that the Son enjoyed.

Everybody gets the blues. Sometimes the blues turn bad. But no matter how bad, we are not alone in our experience. The Risen Lord remembers, and he will not abandon us.

A Prayer From Depression

Oh Resurrected Lord

Shining with the Glory of the Father

And seated at the Right Hand of God

Please hear me as I call to you from the depths of my sorrow.

You who bore all the pain and shame of the world in death

Hear me as I call to you from my own pain and shame.

I have lost sight of Your light

My eyes are overwhelmed by darkness

And my heart is heavy with dread.

The taste of life is ashes in my mouth

And death opens its arms in greeting.

Deliver me from my extremity, Oh Lord!

Open my eyes to see again your light

Fill my heart with gratitude for your blessings

And my soul with the sweetness of Grace.

Remind me of your Love

and give me the strength to return to the world you have made

Rejoicing in your mercy.

Fill my mouth with praises to Your name

And my days with works of Your will

So that raised with You, I may never return

To the emptiness and despair of self alone.

Amen.