For Whom Should I Pray? Part Two

In Part One, we considered the many pressing causes in the world that require your prayer – yes, yours! – with an emphasis on prayer for the life of the Church and for human suffering at large. In this article, we will turn inward and consider the ways that personal, contemplative prayer is vital to building a personal relationship with God.

Where to begin

As with all prayer, the pray-er wants first to put themselves in the presence of God by making an act of presence or simply stating, “Oh my God, I do believe that you are present with me in this prayer time and that you can see and hear me.”

Remember also the benefit of creating an environment conducive to prayer. Candles, silence, devotionals, and other items that you know will create a peaceful environment will go a long way. Be sure also to set aside time free from distractions.

Note that a sincerity of heart is also highly beneficial when getting into your prayer time. You may not have all the words, so to speak, but you can certainly love God and want to be with him in your heart. All of these elements are part of being in the correct disposition for prayer.

What are my goals?

In setting out to pray better, you may have a variety of goals, such as better stress management or growing in patience. Your focus, though, should always be the desire for deepening your relationship with God. Look at prayer as a conversation, which is vital to the formation and sustenance of any relationship.

Prayer is also a time to get to know yourself deeply, as God made you. You will encounter your own fears, prejudices, hopes, gifts, and weaknesses. That is why it is important to be truthful in prayer. Learn that the time you spend in prayer before God is the safest place to truly be yourself; indeed, it is critical to pray truthfully in order to hear God.

Start with the Examen

The Examen in the tradition of Saint Ignatius is a good place to begin. As the name indicates, this daily prayer allows us to go deeply into a self-examination: where was I attuned to the will of God today, or where did I fall short of his desire for me? The Examen looks like this:

1. Become aware of God’s presence. Ask him for the ability to look at your day – and life – with his eyes.

2. Review the day with gratitude. What was a blessing? Where did I fall short of showing others mercy or kindness? What were the highs and lows?

3. Pay attention to your emotions. What memories of the day trigger joy, worry, fear, frustration, gratitude, or something else?

4. Choose one feature or event of the day and pray from it. Respond to what God has shown you. 

5. Look toward tomorrow. Where will I look for God in my daily life? Where will I demonstrate greater virtue? 

By praying a daily Examen, you will become more in tune with the places where you need God’s presence, particularly those areas that cause fear, worry, loneliness, abandonment, and feelings of desolation. In those moments, you can pray for greater trust in God and for his grace to overcome whatever is before you.

What about scripture?

Just as the Examen can bring up emotional or personally insightful experiences in prayer, so can praying with scripture. One beautiful way to do this is by practicing “lectio divina,” which is similar to the Examen.

In lectio divina, choose a short passage of scripture. You could use the readings for each day, for example. Set aside 20 or 30 minutes to reflect on that particular passage. You may begin by reading it aloud, and read it slowly a couple of times. 

After reading, meditate. Notice how certain words, sentences, or passages made you feel. How did you respond to Jesus’s response to the woman at the well? What do you notice as the angel appears to Mary? Can you relate to the older son in the parable of the prodigal son? And so on.

Enter into prayerful conversation with God about what you have experienced. Ask him to open your heart so you can better understand what he is asking of you or where your response to the passage has implications for your mutual relationship. Close by simply being with God and thanking him for the time together.

What about “dryness” in prayer?

Many saints and spiritual leaders have spoken of what is called “dryness” in prayer, which is when you don’t, well, feel anything. However, as GK Chesterton said, “A thing worth doing is worth doing badly.” In other words, sitting down and trying to pray is better than giving up before even starting or assuming that nothing is “happening.”

As with the sacraments. even if you don’t feel something when you receive communion or confession, God’s grace is still working.

Spiritual direction

You may have heard of “spiritual directors,” or trained religious and lay people who help others work through their prayer. These individuals can be very helpful in teaching you in spiritual discernment, understanding mental or emotional roadblocks to successful prayer, and teaching additional forms of prayer as you progress down the spiritual road of life. Spiritual directors can often share the examples of the saints or other Catholic leaders who may have encountered the same obstacles or mystical insights, helping you to know that you are never alone in what you experience. A good spiritual director is professionally trained and will not ask financial compensation for their services. Spiritual direction is not the same as therapy or coaching. If you are interested in working through your prayer life with a spiritual director, talk to your Pastor or your Diocese, or contact a local religious community that offers spiritual direction. You may also consider going on a retreat guided by a spiritual director before committing to working with them one-to-one.

Prayer is a journey

Whether praying for others or for our own intentions,  we are called to communion with God in prayer. Prayer is an opportunity to change the world, to know one’s true self, and most importantly, to grow in relationship with God. Best of all, skill in the worldly sense is not required – just commitment and a willing heart. God will do the rest.