Evangelizing our Children with Joy

Nineteenth century American short story writer Ambrose Bierce is credited for this definition of a sweater: “garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly”. I think for many parents, this sounds true and probably telling of the agony or at least lack of confidence mothers and fathers experience when they reflect on how they raised their children. This is true for my husband and myself when it comes to our children.

After over 26 year of marriage and raising our children, there a few things I am certain of. Without a doubt, I know that there are no guarantees in life – that is, worldly or human-backed guarantees. I know that much depends on me doing what I ought to do, but I cannot do many things on my own. Finally, I have made so many mistakes, but I cannot give up hope, for as long as I have a breath of life in me. This, I believe, is what is at the crux of our personal and ongoing journey of New Evangelization.

Reaching Out…to Whom?

During the time of the 2013 conclave, Vatican and National Catholic Correspondent reporter John Allen, Jr. wrote a post regarding the New Evangelization. Although this is from over seven years ago, what he wrote then is still very much valid today. In the article, the new evangelization was defined as follows: “outreach to baptized Catholics who have become distant from the faith”.

In fact, we who are children of God are all called to evangelize:

Afterward he appeared to the eleven themselves as they sat at table; and he upbraided them for their unbelief and hardness of heart, because they had not believed those who saw him after he had risen. And he said to them, “Go into all the world and preach the gospel to the whole creation. He who believes and is baptized will be saved; but he who does not believe will be condemned. (Mark 16:14-16, RSVCE)

Through the years, there are many who were baptized and have fallen away from the faith, whether consciously or otherwise. The reasons for such are varied and run the gamut of indifference to anger or anguish. Yet, each one continues to be a soul whom the Church longs to welcome back into its fold. It is on these children of God that the New Evangelization is centred and carried out. In the archdiocese of Toronto, for example, Thomas Cardinal Collins has often said that the pastoral plan in effect can be summed up in the following way: “Care for the gathered, reach out to the scattered.”

Closer to Home

The thing with this New Evangelization is that you really do not have to go very far in order to be engaged in it. For my husband and I, we find ourselves immersed in it as parents of our six oldest “children”, who are legally adults. These are the same ones who were made to wear the aforementioned sweaters when their mother felt cold all those years ago.

In some ways and on some days, it would seem easier if the evangelization we carried out involved people we are not related to….or live with. Familiarity, it has been said, breeds contempt. In our case, it is an almost tired, mildly annoyed perhaps, acquiescence to what they may have heard many times while growing up. (If it is contempt, I would like to think that there is an undertone of affection for us somewhere in there.)  As challenging as it has been and continues to be so, to give up is not an option. This is not just close to home. This is home.

Domestic Evangelization

In the Dogmatic Constitution of the Church, Lumen Gentium, we read:

From the wedlock of Christians there comes the family, in which new citizens of human society are born, who by the grace of the Holy Spirit received in baptism are made children of God, thus perpetuating the people of God through the centuries. The family is, so to speak, the domestic church. In it parents should, by their word and example, be the first preachers of the faith to their children; they should encourage them in the vocation which is proper to each of them, fostering with special care vocation to a sacred state. (Number 11)

The importance of the family and what it is cannot be overstated, especially during these times in which we live. When our oldest children were much younger, knowing this helped to remind me of the need for me to do as much as I could. Of course, most children grow up and become of age. Now, after years of trial and error, trying again and again and not wanting to give in to frustration or discouragement, taking this to heart has convinced me of the need to pray more and live out my faith better. There is more to domestic evangelization than simply teaching our children how to pray and the tenets of the faith through catechism.

Sell, Sell, Sell!

In John Allen, Jr.’s 2013 article I mentioned earlier, he writes further about what is involved in the New Evangelization:

“In a nutshell, the “New Evangelization” is about salesmanship. The idea is to move the Catholic product in the crowded lifestyle marketplace of the post-modern world. When cardinals say the next pope has to be committed to the New Evangelization, therefore, what they mean is that he should be a pitchman, someone who can attract people to the faith. Just as in other markets, there are different ways of doing that – some salespeople are brash and in-your-face, some much kinder and gentler. Some work the street, others work the high-end markets. The key, however, is to be always be closing.”

Although he talks about the next pope – who turned out to be Pope Francis – this “salesmanship” Allen refers to is in fact for anyone who seeks to bring those estranged children of God closer to Him. Our Holy Father obviously has an extremely special and uncommon call as the Vicar of Christ on earth, but we are all called to “always be closing”. While that may seem like a very cold way to talk about evangelization, in fact, it makes sense to do so, considering that the market for people’s hearts and minds – their souls! – is saturated with those, which purport to take the place of God Himself.

The Domestic Market: There’s No Place Like Home

While being a salesperson is a profession, parenting is a vocation. The former could have projections and forecasts, strategies and marketing campaigns, the latter is basically here, there and everywhere, a roller coaster ride of some stomach-churning as well as teary-eyed moments, and possibly an unexpected dip somewhere that can be a real doozy. Selling ends where parenting just keeps on going: day in and day out, in good times and in bad.

It is the “hard sell”, which is the hardest to sell. This is what preaching at one’s kids would amount to. Yet – I have to confess, it is what spills out of my mouth when I allow my tongue to control my brain. It never comes to anything good. This is usually the case when I “speak” out of frustration or exasperation. Those are my “Why on earth did you not just put on the darn sweater?!” moments when I am feeling the sub-zero wind blowing hard, and my kids are still in tank tops and a straw hat. This is probably one of the most difficult things for me as a parent – to be able to separate myself from my children and recognize them as individuals.

Not Mine, But God’s Own

The Catechism of the Catholic Church is clear on this point:

Parents must regard their children as children of God and respect them as human persons. Showing themselves obedient to the will of the Father in heaven, they educate their children to fulfill God’s law. (CCC 2222)

More than anything, what gives me great pause is to consider the fact that I must account for how I have been as a mother to my children. I remember being pregnant and giving birth to every single one of them. There are the everyday moments of family life, many good, some not so, and all very real. Still, it remains true that they are primarily God’s children, entrusted to me and my husband. In as much as I would willingly give my life for any of them, none of them are extensions of myself.

I suspect that while many parents of very young children are eager to compare notes on toilet training and proper nutrition, those of adolescents and young adults are not so willing to volunteer details of their parenting challenges. There is this sense that if we have done our job as parents well, they should be “all set!” and keep to the good habits and things we have taught them. It is almost as if we have failed as good Christian parents if our older children choose to forego Sunday Mass or “forget” to go to confession at least once a year, never mind choosing to live with a girlfriend or boyfriend or come out as gay or lesbian. Are they any less our children when they choose to do what we ourselves would not? Of course not! Neither are we any less their parents because they have reached the age of majority. We are each other for as long as life and God’s own now and forever.

Unique and Unrepeatable

Over the years, I have learned (many times, the hard way) that it is important to meet each person wherever they are at. Our Lord did this with such ease and naturalness, making it clear to everyone: “Those who well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick; I came not to call the righteous, but sinners.” (Mark 2:17, RSVCE) He met people on the road, at the well, in the crowds, and on their own. He knew them and spoke to them with love and interest, not contempt and condemnation. For many of us, the latter is easy to come by, while the former takes effort.

Jesus knew what was in their heart and spoke to their needs. I have found that it is in a genuine and interesting personal conversation that I have been able to talk with and get to know my children better. It is important to encourage and to speak with them, but more so to listen well – to know what their concerns are, their dreams and fears, their successes and failures. In this way, I have been able to better understand my children as the adults they are and what they hope to be. I cannot claim to know all the answers to their problems or challenges, and I do not want to. What I have told them repeatedly is what a good friend told me a long time ago which she tells her own children: There is nothing you can ever do which will make me stop loving you. This has made all the difference in my journey as a mother because I know that my Father God tells me the same thing all the time.

It Comes to This: Our Own Faith

This is what I believe is at the heart of this New Evangelization – in fact, all efforts to evangelize, for that matter: our own faith. For parents, it is crucial to have the kind of faith that overflows from our hearts and into everything we do. A living, vibrant faith cannot help but be joyful and hopeful. It is akin to trying not to smile when we are in love – how can you help it? If we as parents want to bring our children closer to God, there is no better way than to be the first example of a person in love with God whom our children know.

In order to do this, our faith must permeate every single pore of our being and what we do. It is ridiculous for Christians to be told to leave their faith at home as if it were a hat to be taken off on a whim. We are not called to stand on soapboxes and loudly proclaim to all and sundry Bible verses from every city corner. (Maybe some are – but most of us are not!) We are living witnesses of our faith, of Christ Himself, when we do our work well, in service of and for love of others, but ultimately for love of God and His greater glory. It is by our faith that others know who we really are. It is through our joy and hope as children of God that are able to help others discover the One Who loves them above all.

The cheerfulness of a man of God, of a woman of God, has to overflow: it has to be calm, contagious, attractive…; in a few words, it has to be so supernatural, and natural, so infectious that it may bring others to follow Christian ways.

St. Josemaria Escriva, Furrow, No. 60