“Do not grumble,” St. Benedict tells his monks. (RB 4:39) The first time he mentions this is in the fourth chapter of his rule for monasteries. He goes on to address grumbling, murmuring, or complaining in another eight chapters of the rule. Why does he mention this issue so many times? Are monks, crotchety, curmudgeonly complainers by nature? Or did St. Benedict know something about human nature? Whether we live in a monastery or a metropolis, we can all learn why we shouldn’t grumble from the “Father of Western Monasticism.”
Do Not Grumble: It’s In Scripture
Actually, St. Benedict wasn’t the first person to tell us, “Do not grumble,” or that we shouldn’t complain or murmur. We can find numerous passages in Scripture telling us something similar. Consider the following, for example:
“Do all things without grumbling or questioning …” (Phil 2:14)
“Do not grumble, brethren, against one another, that you may not be judged; behold, the Judge is standing at the doors.” (James 5:9)
“Be hospitable to one another without complaining.” (1 Peter 4:9)
St. Benedict is in good company—St. Paul, St. James, and St. Peter also tell us, in so many words, “do not grumble.”
Types of Complainers
Why does anyone grumble or complain in the first place? Dr. Robert Biswas-Diener is a specialist in positive psychology. He tells us that there typically are three types of complainers. One type is the chronic complainer. They seem to focus on everything that’s wrong—they’re never really satisfied. The second type is the venter who wants to blow off steam. They’re self-absorbed, they like attention and validation, but don’t necessarily want to solve the problem. The final group he mentions are those who want to solve a problem. An example of the latter that I’d provide is assuming that a steak you ordered has come out at the wrong temperature. Talking to the waiter about it—complaining to solve a problem—can be a good thing, especially if done tactfully.
Pride, Complaining, and Sinning
What’s really behind most of the inappropriate complaining and grumbling? When things don’t go our way, we can do one of two things, it seems. We can accept them as God’s active or passive will. Or we can become upset, grumbling and complaining about the self-perceived injustice we’ve incurred. G. A. Simon’s Commentary for Benedictine Oblates tells us that grumbling is a sign of pride. Sometimes that pride shows in our impatience or indignance. In any event, we do ourselves no spiritual favors when we complain, as St. Benedict tells us,
…even though he carries out the order, his action will not be accepted with favor by God, who sees that he is grumbling in his heart. He will have no reward for service of this kind (RB 5:18-19).
St. Francis de Sales, Doctor of the Church, states, “Undoubtedly a person who complains commits a sin by doing so…” Not only do we lose any possible merit for the work we do while complaining—we probably are sinning as well. St. Augustine goes even further: “Oh, what a miserable, deadly plague! Oh, how poisonous!” Considering what these saints are telling us, is it any wonder that St. Benedict was so concerned with murmuring in the monastery? It’s a clear and present danger to an individual’s soul. At the same time, it presents a danger to the community’s spiritual welfare. This is true whether we are in a religious community or in a family, a parish, or some other group when we complain.
Do Not Grumble: A Particular Examen
Time for a particular examen now: when I think back over the last day, have I violated the “do not grumble” precept? What about complaining to others about my perception of the homily from today’s Mass? How about grumbling over the delay in traffic as I’m on my way to an appointment? Perhaps I’ve murmured about someone’s attire of which I disapprove. Maybe I’m doing the dishes and grumbling, in my mind, about why someone else didn’t clean up after themselves. Let’s say I am blessed to perform some sacristan duties at my parish. People slop molten wax over the brass followers on the candles that I then need to clean. Can I clean them up without grumbling? We each probably can add more examples.
Break the Chains That Bind You
Pride, impatience, ingratitude—and any number of other sins can drag us down and lead to sinning through complaining and grumbling. When we learn to discern what’s going on in our hearts, we can begin to make the changes that will get us on the right track. We can begin to break the chains that bind us to sinful habits and replace those bad habits with positive, virtuous habits instead.
Change Your Thinking
If you find yourself with a bad habit or two—grumbling or otherwise—there are some things you can do. One practice that helps is to change your thinking. Simply change what you are thinking when you catch yourself heading into the negative mudhole. That will help you change your emotions, which will help to change your behaviors. Stop the thoughts that are dragging you down, and refocus. Follow St. Paul’s advice:
“…take every thought captive.” (2 Cor 10:5)
Give thanks to the Lord for His many blessings He has showered down on you, is in the moment giving to you, and will give you in the future. Think about all that you truly can be thankful for, and switch from thoughts of aggravation to thoughts of appreciation. St. Paul gives us a tip here, as well:
Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is gracious, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things (Phil 4:8).
Offer up the tribulations you may be experiencing with Jesus Christ crucified toward an intention you’re praying for. Unite your suffering to Jesus and offer it up—take advantage of redemptive suffering. Don’t let it go to waste.
Pray for God’s Grace
We need to lean on God for his merciful love and support. Some changes we need to make only can be made with, in, and through Him. Pray for his help. If pride and impatience are holding you back, creating negative thinking, complaints, or grumbling, pray for the grace to grow in the virtues of patience and humility, as well as meekness. Pray for the grace to grow in fortitude–the virtue and the gift–to support your change efforts. If you need to be more grateful, pray for the grace to grow in the virtue of gratitude and in the gift of piety for support therein.
Going back to the Letter to the Philippians,
Have no anxiety about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which passes all understanding, will keep your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus (Phil 4:6-7).
This life is short. Let’s not spend it grumbling and complaining. Rather, let’s pull up the habit of grumbling by its roots. Let’s give thanks to God for the gift of the breath of life this day, and for all that He chooses to give us in this day of our life.
“When [the roots of our vices] have been pulled up from…the depth of our thoughts, our mind will then be able to abide in utter patience and holiness.” John Cassian: The Institutes
18 thoughts on “Do Not Grumble: No Murmuring And No Complaining”
Thank you so much for this article. I was just speaking with a close friend who is a lapsed Catholic about reasons that affect her decision not to go to mass, and one of the things she brought up was that I often pick apart/complain about the masses I go to here. She’s right- I do. I’ve spent the past 6 or so years at the Catholic University of America and have been spoiled with beautiful masses, mentors, and philosophy/theology classes that left me feeling very spiritually fulfilled. I’ve often quipped since moving a few months ago that I feel like I’m in a spiritual desert, and I’ve been dissatisfied with my faith life.
Without going into the full story, I can say I didn’t realize how much my complaining has affected her thinking about the church, and I came upon this article when I was in a true panic about not being a good enough Catholic and potentially giving off the wrong message about the church by grumbling about parts of the mass. It was weighing heavily on my heart. This article has given me a path forward that I hope with God’s grace I will be able to follow; I never leave comments on articles but I just had to say thank you because this really is my life preserver in my panic.
Thank you very much and God bless.
Emily, thank you for sharing. Praised be Jesus Christ! It is good to hear that the Holy Spirit has used this article to help you. May God abundantly bless you, and your friend, as you go forward cooperating with His grace. God bless you – Dom
To Teresa, who commented on 5-10-24 –
Teresa, thank you for your comment. In my piece, I noted three types of complaints/complainers, the third being, “…those who want to solve a problem. An example of the latter that I’d provide is assuming that a steak you ordered has come out at the wrong temperature. Talking to the waiter about it—complaining to solve a problem—can be a good thing, especially if done tactfully…” So, yes, it can be good to speak up when something is wrong.
The question we need to ask ourselves, if after speaking up (so as to not “bottle” it up as you mention), and nothing changes, what then? Continue to complain? Rather, we can let the Lord show us what He’s trying to teach us, and cooperate with His grace, in order to grow in virtue and thereby attain the peace only He can give. Each person must choose.
.
So, I have a problem with what you wrote. My Dad worked in mental health and taught me one of the most important rules of mental health is to not “bottle” things up. It’s damaging to mental health to keep everything inside. Of course there’s a balance, between constant whinging and letting off steam, which is dismissed above. I’d love a more nuanced article that acknowledges mental health and the need to vent (could also vent through physical exercising, music, art) and how to avoid that descending into grumbling.
Besides, Jesus himself expressed when he experienced frustrations and when he said “my soul is sorrowful unto death”.
Yes we express to God, but He made us social animals and I’ve received wisdom and consolation on countless occasions by God working through others. “Go direct to God” smacks of protestant-ism. We Catholics believe in mediators.
Thank you, Dom!
Wonderful and faith-filled lessons to be learned and practiced here.
Praise God for your insight and reflections from the saints.
Thank you, Mary Ann! Praised be Jesus Christ!
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Thank you for an insightful article. And in my case, timely as well! Recently I’ve been finding similar clues and signs in my attempts at spiritual growth. Reading your article at this time was like a flashlight in the dark! Thanks for using your talents for the Lord, and letting God work through you to reach others, like me! Have a joyous Easter season!
Jan, thank you for your kind words! All praise and glory to God! And a joyous Eastertide to you as well!
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Catholics tend to take this idea way too far – to the point they accept sin and evil from their Church.
“Do all things without grumbling or questioning …” (Phil 2:14)
“That quote works in certain situations,”
The point of the article is to address those “certain situations” – hence, my question, “What’s really behind most of the inappropriate complaining and grumbling? ” Note the emphasis on inappropriate complaining. Note also in a previous paragraph that complaining to actually solve problems is not inappropriate.
That’s reasonable, but what aspect of the current environment are you trying to address? Many of our current problems seem to be partially driven by the exact attitude expressed in this article.
It sounds a lot like an airline passenger giving a speech on how much aviation fire suppressants can harm the environment while the plane is burning up with people on board. It’s just not the right time, and the message does more harm than good – even if there is some truth in it.
“That’s reasonable, but what aspect of the current environment are you trying to address?”
Re-read the article, please. It’s not addressing the “current environment,” but rather changes a person can make to grow in their relationship with God. Hence, the suggestion for a particular examen, “…How about grumbling over the delay in traffic as I’m on my way to an appointment? Perhaps I’ve murmured about someone’s attire of which I disapprove. Maybe I’m doing the dishes and grumbling, in my mind, about why someone else didn’t clean up after themselves…”
This is about one’s interior life. It’s not about the “current problems” you raise. It’s about looking in the mirror and seeing how far, with God’s grace, one needs to go in their quest for sanctification.
“even if there is some truth in it”
Thank you for acknowledging that. There is truth in it; it’s based on Scripture, and on the word and works of multiple saints cited in the article.
Great article and very insightful. I think I’ll try an examen of “do not grumble” starting today.
Thank you, Peter! May God bless you in your examen and in your cooperation with His grace for ongoing change that brings you even closer to union with Him – Dom