Are You Willing to Suffer Shame For the Sake of the Name?

Have you ever wondered how many Jane and Joe Catholics are walking around, working, raising families, and wrapped up in the day to day who have no idea what road they might be on? Have you ever thought that maybe, just maybe, the majority of the average Catholics you encounter on the street have no idea that it is a sin to miss Mass on Sundays, to practice contraception, to get remarried without an annulment (adultery), to have an abortion or live a life totally ignoring the poor?

The Church knows that these situations need a remedy, so it has given us the Spiritual Works of Mercy to remind us of our obligations to help others practice the faith. Two of the seven are very hard to practice today, and I see them as going hand in hand: “Instructing the Ignorant” and “Admonishing the Sinner.”

Prophetic Mercy

With regard to the former, we all know where this has gotten us. Being ignorant or “in the dark” is sometimes happenstance (“You know, I never thought about that before!”), but sometimes it can be willful (“I don’t know, and I don’t want to know.”) A shameful example of men remaining willfully ignorant in order to acquit themselves of culpability can be seen in Cardinal Donald Wuerl’s desire to remain “in the dark” when confronted with instances of abuse:

[Fr] Zirwas informed the diocese in 1996 that he knew of other Pittsburgh priests’ involvement in illegal sexual activity, the report found, and “demanded that his sustenance payments be increased” in exchange for that information. Wuerl replied with instructions to provide the names of the priests involved or to “state that he had no knowledge of what he had previously claimed” to get any additional assistance. The priest then disavowed any knowledge of priests being involved in illegal sexual activity in a letter to the diocese. “Zirwas was granted an additional financial stipend and his sustenance payments were continued,” the report said.

Sometimes, however, people of general good will, due to faulty or insufficient catechesis, can be effectively ignorant of the teachings of their religion. If a Catholic couple is fornicating or living together before marriage, they might just believe this is normal in today’s culture and go along with their lives with a skip and a smile.

To confront the situation, one might be afraid of turning them off altogether, or having them shut you down or hate you. But when opportunity presents itself to speak the truth in love (Ephesians 4:15), you are presented with an opportunity to save your brother or sister.

We know that the divine law is written onto the hearts of men, even for pagans and unbelievers. We know conscience is an endowed gift of God. So says St. Paul:

For when Gentiles who do not have the Law do instinctively the things of the Law, these, not having the Law, are a law to themselves, in that they show the work of the Law written in their hearts, their conscience bearing witness and their thoughts alternately accusing or else defending them. (Romans 2:14-15)

Admittedly, I have always been bad at instructing and admonishing because I’m not that different from most people: I like to be liked and have thin skin, generally. But God is working on me, and I care less about human respect these days, so I’m more inclined to bring attention to these things, when presented with the opportunity.

Need for a Strategy

Practically speaking, though, how does instructing the ignorant and admonishing the sinner work?

First: get your own house in order. No one likes a hypocrite, and no one likes to be judged. Truth be told, we should not be judging people at all, but that does not mean we cannot judge actions as objectively right or wrong. Live a life of integrity yourself before admonishing others to do the same.

Second: When delivering hard truths that have the potential to knock someone off their rocker of ignorance, have some humility, and remember that you were once in their shoes. Expunge all sense of self-righteousness because people can sense this attitude a mile away. Make it clear by your thoughts, words, and actions that you care for the person you are speaking to and that you speak out of love.

Third: pray for grace and for the Holy Spirit both to give you the words and to speak for you. Do not rely on your own power. You are not a heart or mind reader like Padre Pio, so don’t act like one. If God tells you by the Holy Spirit in prayer that now is not the time to speak, then now is not the time to speak. If He tells you to speak the truth in love, speak the truth in love. Do whatever He tells you.

Fourth: always admonish with a smile. I don’t know if this is kosher or not; in fact, it’s even counter intuitive, but I think it can be disarming and helpful to smile, intentionally and genuinely, when admonishing. The message is important. How you deliver the message may be even more so. Not all of us can pull off being a John the Baptist. But we can deliver his message to repent in concrete ways without sounding like we’re scolding. Our faith is motivated by the joy of being saved from sin and death, and we need to communicate that concretely when dishing up hard truths if we want a greater likelihood of the medicine going down.

Fifth: suffer derision for their sake. Those you address may curse you or strike you even, ignore you or cut ties. They may mock you or accuse you. Take it upon yourself to pray and do reparations that they may have eyes to see and experience a new heart, a changed heart, a born-again heart. Christ took on suffering and derision for the sake of blind and ungrateful men. If we want to follow Him, it might be wise to get used to being rejected and having our love thwarted. That’s ok. God does His part, you do your part, and the rest is out of your hands.

The Cost of Discipleship

A potent image of standing in the midst of such derision and shame is that of the Woolworth’s sit-in during the Civil Rights movement. Blacks exercising civil disobedience had sugar, ketchup, and mustard poured on their heads when they refused to move. They knew what was right, were willing to take the hits for it, and refused to strike back or to be moved or intimidated.

We shouldn’t go looking for suffering when we live righteously. We must only speak the Gospel truth to those who are resistant to it, and suffering will undoubtedly find us. Stand for the truth when it hurts, and you will experience it. Love anyone, and you will suffer for it; it is only a matter of time. Discipleship costs.

But who knows – if you speak out and accept the consequences, they may hate you, but at the same time they may also wake from their fatal slumber. You will have popped their balloon of ignorance, and they will no longer be able to fly it into the careless clouds in good conscience. You will start them on a hard road, perhaps, and they will hate you for it, at least initially.

The Essence of the Matter

And you, my friend, don’t scorn this shame, but relish it, as the apostles did when “they left the Sanhedrin, rejoicing because they had been counted worthy of suffering disgrace for the Name” (Acts 5:41). You know you are doing something right, earning your keep and on the narrow road, when you are covered in the mess the world pours on your head in its hatred of you. No matter. For then you will attest, with St. Dominic Savio, “If I can succeed in saving a single soul, I can be sure that my own will be saved.”