“Don’t judge!” Is commonly heard in our vernacular now, and applied to all life’s choices. From diet to fashion to even parenting styles and, of course, sexual preferences.
Empathy has become the default “virtue” of our modern, misguided culture, and condemnation awaits those who appear to lack it.
I can hear some of you now – straight talk is best. I call it like I see it. Nuance is the devil’s playground. Yes, there are many arguments for telling it like it is. You’ll hear them often from me. I am a lover of truth.
Judging vs. Judgement
However, there is a major difference between Judging someone and Judgement of behavior and circumstances. The former we are to avoid the latter we are to practice. Judgment is a tool we have to guide ourselves and to advise those we love, not a weapon to use against one another
This isn’t a post about the distinctions between the two, or how modern culture misuses scripture against the faithful.
Stop judging, that you may not be judged (Matthew 7:1)
It’s about the second half of the Lord’s instruction, the more ignored part of the lesson:
For as you judge, so will you be judged, and the measure with which you measure will be measured out to you (Matthew 7:2).
When the rubber meets the road we all have a responsibility to listen to Jesus and his teaching. On this, he is very clear. Even if we hold our tongue, and even if we mind ourselves online, God still sees what’s unseen. God reads our hearts.
You are in Control
So what are we to do about our negative thoughts? This post is about what we can actually control.
Opinions are a part of human nature. We all have them, all the time. Our minds are very efficient at producing them. And whether we like it or not, we formulate them on a regular basis – about others
How do we interrupt the pattern?
You see somebody acting in a way that you would never act, it is human nature to mentally make a statement, a judgment, about that person or that behavior
The opportunities are everywhere:
The clown in traffic that cuts you off or takes your spot.
The activist online that spouts offensive rhetoric.
The guy in the break room trash talking your favorite team.
The fair weather friend caught criticizing you.
That person that dresses inappropriately.
The parent that sends their kid to school without a lunch.
The pastor that remains quiet about Important topics.
The pastor that is vocal about things that make your blood boil.
People still wearing masks.
People never wearing masks.
The latest news out of the Vatican.
Everywhere you turn, you can find more fuel for your fire.
Perfect example: The very day I decided to write on this topic, I was on a conference call with my boss and a supplier. The supplier was asked a simple question about their pricing policy and practice and he brushed it off. My boss pressed the issue and the supplier just said, “It is the way it is, I didn’t make that decision, we’ve always done it that way.” Basically, sorry about your luck. Not my problem.
My knee-jerk reaction was to think to myself, what was wrong with this guy? Why did my manager have to browbeat him to get a simple question answered? Why was he intentionally being difficult? In short, why did he act like such a jerk?
Since I had already contemplated this judging topic, I practiced what I’m going to advocate to you, on myself. I took a breath and I began with three simple words: I don’t understand.
I Don’t Understand
Three simple but powerful words can change everything. I. Don’t. Understand
Here’s Why:
When you declare your judgement on someone else, you shrink a person to the lowest common denominator. That denominator then becomes a filter in place, that overlays everything else we perceive about that person.
We don’t like to think about what lowly denominators we have been reduced to, by others.
But on the flip side, when we admit to not understanding someone’s words or actions, we attribute a certain degree of respect to that person. We acknowledge there must be a back story, or at least more to the story, than what we’ve observed.
I don’t understand why that person drove that way and cut me off.
I don’t understand why that person persists in the offensive rhetoric.
I don’t understand why that guy chooses to trash-talk my team.
I don’t understand why my friend would say that about me.
I don’t understand why that person dresses that way.
I don’t understand why that kid showed up at school without lunch.
I don’t understand why the pastor remains quiet about this important topic.
I don’t understand why the pastor continues to harp on that lightning rod of a subject.
I don’t understand why people are still wearing masks.
I don’t understand why people never wear their masks.
I don’t understand what’s up with the latest news out of the Vatican.
Instead of condemnation, we add the potential for a little grace, to the scenario. And I’m happy to report it works!
Since that day I’ve been practicing. More often than not, it’s kept the blood pressure down, stopped my mind from entering dark rabbit holes and even guarded against some gossip.
Not bad for one simple change.
So take my challenge – give it a try today. Let me know in the comments how it works for you. Your future self may even be grateful when the time comes for your own, final judgment.
3 thoughts on “Three Simple Words to Keep You From Judging Others”
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This is great advice. Especially this time of year.
Matthew 7:1-5 is a teaching against hypocrisy when you judge. It has nothing to do with judging persons vs. judging actions. Jesus is saying “Don’t judge in someone else what you yourself are even more guilty of.” Or to put it another way, “Don’t judge in a way that brings judgment upon yourself.” Hypocrisy, not the use of judgment, is what is being condemned here. Christians should judge well and judge often.