The Ugliness of this Accursed Passion

One of the greatest difficulties with the teaching of Christ is that it is so easy to say and so difficult to do. I am still reading the letters of Jean-Pierre de Caussade and recently came across a letter written to  Sister M. Therese de Viomenil. “About feelings of vanity and frequent infidelities.” Every letter of de Caussade has some kind of message for me but this one rings true, especially during this time of Lent.

This Lenten season I am more aware of my passions as I try to practice simple fasts or abstinence from food or activities. These are all little fasts that bring us closer to God during this time. However, fasting from indulgence in the passions is much more of a challenge. One place which has been particularly difficult for me over the years is avoiding self-promotion or self-congratulation. Also, trying not to take credit for my achievements or respond to criticism, whether true or not. Doing what is right and good for the credit of doing it is, in fact, vanity. Wanting appreciation and acclaim for my work, my writing, and my advice is also vanity. These are all self-seeking and these activities should be, as the Jesuits say, for the greater glory of God not the greater glory of Sydney.

Jean-Pierre de Caussade writes:

You must know that before curing you of vanity God wills to make you feel all the ugliness of this accursed passion, and to convince you thoroughly of your powerlessness to cure it, so that all the glory of your cure should revert to Him alone. You have then, in this matter, only two things to do. Firstly, to examine peacefully this frightful interior ugliness. Secondly, to hope for and await in peace from God alone the moment fixed for your cure (3^rd Book. On the Obstacles to Abandonment. Letter I. – About Vanity and Infidelities.).

My experience with this has been very unexpected. I have found that the way I become aware of “the ugliness of this accursed passion” is to begin with an internal awareness of my desire to have people acknowledge me, whether it be my accomplishments or work, something I’ve said, or simply by wanting people to agree with me. Of course, in the beginning, I noticed it more when others did not act according to my desire but later, I felt it more acutely when I was being praised. I think I became aware of this the more I understood my powerlessness in relation to everything in my life. I remember once my spiritual guide told me: “What other people say or think about you is none of your business.” I was shocked! I remember thinking: Well, it SHOULD be my business!

The Gospel readings often reflect this idea, mainly when speaking of anger. When I am criticized or not given credit for something I’ve achieved or done, or worse yet (for my sensitive self) someone else is given credit for something that I did, I find my anger stirs. Or when someone slights me, takes credit for my work or flat-out lies about me, again, I am moved not just to anger but to self-righteous anger. This is the worst when I am really in the right and someone else is clearly in the wrong.

First, as I said above, I am often time freed from anger in the above situations when I really am doing everything for the greater glory of God. When I have placed all of my actions on a service plane, with little want or need of credit. Sometimes though, even when I think this is my motivation, I find I can be irritated or agitated. When this happens it is a wonderful opportunity to seek within myself for what is really going on. In these instances, it is very clear that I want the credit, and I want credit because, oftentimes, I need the approval of others, or I need to point out to others (or I expect them just to see it) that I am better than they are. It is an ugly sin. One I hate to admit I have. But I am constantly amazed at how petty I can be. How incapable I am of really surrendering all of myself to God and his plan!

Fr. de Caussade writes:

You have then, in this matter, only two things to do. Firstly, to examine peacefully this frightful interior ugliness. Secondly, to hope for and await in peace from God alone the moment fixed for your cure. You will never be at rest till you have learnt to distinguish what is from God from that which is your own; to separate what belongs to Him from what belongs to yourself. You add, ‘How can you teach me this secret.’ You do not understand what you are saying. I can easily teach it to you in a moment, but you cannot learn to practice it until you have been made to feel, in peace, all your miseries. I say, in peace, to give room for the operations of grace.

This is what we are called to do. Self-examination and waiting in peace for God to inspire, change, remove, correct, essentially to give us the power to do his will in the way he would have us do it. Fr. de Caussade continues: “Remember the words of St. Francis of Sales: ‘One cannot put on perfection as one does a dress.’”

Further on in the letter he writes about this state in which we can handle difficult situations:

I greatly applaud the practice you have adopted of never upholding your own judgement, and of allowing yourself to be blamed and criticized even in circumstances where you believed you had good reasons to excuse yourself. You sacrifice, you say, the good opinion that you wish others to have of you, and you keep silence although until now you would have thought that it would be better to defend yourself that your conduct might give edification when that which was said against you was untrue. This is my answer: To endure every kind of blame and unjust accusation in silence without uttering a single word in justification under any pretext whatever is according to the spirit of the Gospel, and in conformity with the example of Jesus Christ and of all the saints.

This is the great challenge of our faith. To truly live according to the Gospel. At the time of this writing, the Gospel readings were full of this message.

You have heard that it was said to your ancestors,
You shall not kill; and whoever kills will be liable to judgment.
But I say to you, whoever is angry with his brother
will be liable to judgment,
and whoever says to his brother, Raqa,
will be answerable to the Sanhedrin,
and whoever says, ‘You fool,’ will be liable to fiery Gehenna (Matthew 5:21-22).

Jesus said to his disciples:

You have heard that it was said,
You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.
But I say to you, love your enemies,
and pray for those who persecute you,
that you may be children of your heavenly Father,
for he makes his sun rise on the bad and the good,
and causes rain to fall on the just and the unjust.
For if you love those who love you, what recompense will you have?
Do not the tax collectors do the same?
And if you greet your brothers and sisters only,
what is unusual about that?
Do not the pagans do the same?
So be perfect, just as your heavenly Father is perfect (Matthew 5:23-28).

Jesus said to his disciples

Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful.

Stop judging and you will not be judged.
Stop condemning and you will not be condemned.
Forgive and you will be forgiven.
Give and gifts will be given to you;
a good measure, packed together, shaken down, and overflowing,
will be poured into your lap.
For the measure with which you measure
will in return be measured out to you (Luke 6:36-38).

All of these make the same point. I have often been guilty of saying that I have a right to be angry and this is true. However, having the right to do something does not make it right. If I truly want to live as a Christian, I must strive every day to live the life Christ is calling me to live. To turn the other cheek (Matthew 5:39), to walk the extra mile (Matthew 5:41), to truly love my neighbor (Matthew 19:19, 22:39; Mark 12:31, 12:33; Luke 10:27) and even to love my enemies (Matthew 5:44; Luke 6:27, 6:35).

I have found that I cannot afford to be angry. I might become angry, and even have good reason to be angry, but I find that this simply pulls me from God. The moment my anger arises I must turn toward God and seek the Peace of Christ. I must remember that anger is the true enemy because it is not the simple human emotion that is so difficult, it is that when I am angry, I begin to focus on that anger instead of seeking God and forgiveness. In this case, my anger becomes deeper, and I become more focused on it, which only serves to cause me pain.

Often when I speak on this topic people say, “well, Sydney, that is true, but even Jesus was angry!” (Mark 3:5, 11:12-20; John 3:13-22). This is of course correct, but I am not Jesus. I find that anger leads me to self-obsession, sadness and sometimes depression. I can only be freed by forgiveness and a complete surrender to God and the trust that he, in his most mysterious way, will lead me to him and rectify any situation according to his will.