The Real Presence: An Unbroken Promise

Today before I went to Church for prayer,  my mind was filled with clutter and my spirit with anxiety.

Trust in God

I was holding on to the realization that God is always there in the blessed sacrament to heal, guide, and correct.  Then I began to question this belief; what if this time He’s not there,  if He is absent, what if I  go to the Church and pray, and nothing happens, nothing changes, will this weaken my Faith?

Doubt

I arrived, I prayed for twenty minutes. using the Stations of the Cross outside of the Church since the Church was still closed.  Walking back to my van my mind was clear, my mental clutter was gone, and my spirit no longer vexed. It worked; the Lord had rescued me again, perhaps for the millionth time. For the last forty-five years, or since my conversion, I have always relied on the Lord to heal and guide me through his Presence in the Eucharist when I can attend Mass and in the tabernacle when I cannot.

Shame

My doubt was gone; however, a sense of shame overshadowed my gratitude. The Lord has always been there for me, yet I still doubted His consistency; this doubt from time to time is reinforced by a small vibrant voice within which attempts to cast doubt on God’s consistent help.

This sense of shame was intensified by the realization that even if our Lord should choose to not respond,  to not acknowledge himself to me, to remain silent and/or aloof, I should accept this with patience and realize that perhaps the Lord is testing my faith, my loyalty, the strength of my belief. Who am I to test the Lord?  If I went to him a thousand times, and he helped me only once. I should be grateful for “that once” and hold on to it as a precious gift.   In truth, he has responded to me and helped me every time I’ve gone to him,  every time I’ve sought refuge in his Real Presence which is there in every tabernacle of the world.  Even if the Church is closed, so what! The tabernacle is there and so is Jesus, and I can go to him in prayer, near the Church, in the parking lot, walking the Stations of the Cross outside the church,  or just by being there.

My Conversion

My conversion to Catholicism over forty-five years ago is based on my belief in the Eucharist.  It is as though I discovered Jesus in the blessed sacrament by accident, let me explain.  I was a non-denominational Protestant seeking a better relationship with my Creator.  I worked part-time in a Catholic Church as a custodian, cleaning pews, picking up trash, and vacuuming the carpet. It was easy work, paid well,  and I needed the job.

I Found God

As a result, I was able to spend a lot of time inside the Church, quiet time in prayer. During this phase of my life, as a young man struggling to overcome a serious drug addiction problem, I was seeking God, wanting His help. Believing that He could help me, I spent a lot of time praying and asking for that help. I found God, or He found me in that Church and there was no doubt about it in my mind. Learning to listen quietly for the Lord reminds me of the prophet Elijah’s waiting for God inside a cave on top of Mt. Sinai:

Then the Lord said, ‘Go outside and stand on the mountain before the Lord; the Lord will be passing by.’ A strong and heavy wind was rendering the mountain and crushing rocks before the Lord–but the Lord was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake–but the Lord was not in the earthquake.  After the earthquake there was fire–but the Lord was not in the fire.  After the fire there was a tiny whispering sound.  When he heard this, Elijah hid his face in his cloak and went and stood at the entrancof the cave.  A voice said to him, ‘Elijah, why are you here ?'” (1Kings 19:11-13, The New American Bible, St. Joseph Edition)

In the silence of the Church, in prayer for healing and peace, I found God. I found Him through the experience of profound peace which permeated my whole body, my whole being,  a peace I could not give to myself, a peace that I knew came to me as a gift from a source–outside of myself. I found God with clarity of mind because the clutter, the nonsense thoughts were gone, and in their place were new thoughts, helpful thoughts; the insights and peace gifted to me gave me healing, strength, and guidance.

After my first “encounter,”  prayer with healing benefits continued for quite some time before I had the answer to a burning question: “Why did I experience the closeness of Christ only in the Catholic Church?

As a “non-denominational” Protestant I had visited many non-catholic Churches. For a period of three or four years, I visited,  I joined,  I tried, but my anguish and addiction were always there. Not until I entered physically into a Catholic church and prayed did I find relief from my burdens–which has continued to this day, fifty-five years later, the same truth, unchanged, unchanging. the truth that Jesus is true with his Church in his body, blood, and divinity in the consecrated host, created during the Mass and retained in the tabernacle.

The Real Presence

I came to believe in the Eucharist or the Real Presence not because I understood the explanation of transubstantiation, nor because I had to agree to it in order to continue with my Catholic instruction. My yes was based on an experience; I experienced the presence of Christ before I knew anything about the Real Presence residing in the tabernacle or in the consecration which takes place during every Mass.  Following this conviction, it was then easy for me (as a catechumen) to accept the teachings of the Catholic church, because I believed then, as I believe now, that Christ speaks to us through His church. The teachings of the Church are the teachings of Christ, and where is the proof?  just enter any Catholic church, any day of the week, stay awhile quietly in prayer, and discover that truth every time you seek it.

There is a small Catholic chapel on Olvera Street in downtown Los Angeles. Before the Corona Virus and its necessary restrictions, this chapel was open for prayer during the week. Years ago, A friend of mine, a Protestant minister, went there almost every day, to pray and reflect while he waited for his wife to finish her workday near Union Station. Of course, he was there to be in the presence of our Lord; and of course, he was literally in the presence of our Lord in the Blessed Tabernacle.  In retrospect, I regret not telling him about the Real Presence, but I think he knew; I wonder where my friend is today and whether or not he has converted to Catholicism.