The Gift Of Tears

There are more than a few different schools of thought about The Gift of Tears.

Before I wade into that, let me be clear about the gift itself. The Gift of Tears occurs when a person begins to weep without a proximate personal cause – such as physical pain or a personal source of non-physical pain such as grief, personal sorrow, or emotional trauma.

The person experiencing this gift may perceive various emotions when the tears begin to flow.  But in my experience those feelings will generally be pure in the sense that there is no immediately perceptible origin for the emotions.  Grief without the memory of a loss, sorrow without memory of some hurt witnessed or done, or pain without any known injury occur. Sometimes there is even intense joy, though I have not personally experienced this often.

The Year Of Tears

Like many people, I have on occasion been emotionally overcome during the Eucharist and found my eyes filling with tears.  But for one period lasting slightly over a year, my experience was different and constant.  Every Eucharist was accompanied by tears, and the emotion I experienced was always an overwhelming sorrow and grief.

My life has not been free of sorrow or causes for grief, but at the time there was nothing current that would call forth such feelings. And I was not involved in any therapeutic or other activity that involved exploring or reawakening those memories.

After about six months of this I consulted a priest I knew from a Christ Renews His Parish retreat (my own parish was between pastors) who explored the events a bit.  He then asked me to attempt to accept the tears as they came and await clarity.

Six months later our parish had a new pastor and I went and asked him about the tears. He questioned me about when they began, and as it happens they coincided with the eruption of a scandal involving priests ignoring their vows of celibacy. He invited me to consider that God was asking me to share his grief over the bad behavior.

Eventually those tears dried up, and I went back to sporadic experiences of tears of joy, tears of grief, and even tears without any obvious connection to the world of here and now.

I have known others with the Gift of Tears at one time or another. At least one of these people found the gift a great burden. But another person found it a source of joy and cause for gratitude.

What Are These Tears?

According to Fr. Daniel Renaud, OMI,  St. Gregory the Great thought tears were God’s invitation for us to deepen our relationship with him, either through repentance for our sins or desire to closer to God.  St. Theresa of Avila would end her day weeping with Christ in the Garden on the night of his betrayal.

Weeping may also be an extension of  St. Paul’s observation (Romans 8:26-27) that:

“In the same way, the Spirit too comes to the aid of our weakness; for we do not know how to pray as we ought, but the Spirit itself intercedes with inexpressible groanings.

And the one who searches hearts knows what is the intention of the Spirit, because it intercedes for the holy ones according to God’s will.”

We are taught that a sacrament is a visible rite and an efficacious “sign of grace, instituted by Christ and entrusted to the Church, by which divine life is dispensed to us.”

The gift of tears is not a sacrament, but it is a sign.  And it can be a sign that the Holy Spirit is doing work in and/or through us that is beyond our own capacity to do or understand on our own.

Hold The Pride, Please

Like any special Grace, one must be on guard against letting pride take root when it is given. Fortunately for many of us, the gift of tears can be exceedingly uncomfortable.  At least one person I know who was gifted with tears for two or three years had to struggle not with pride, but with resentment.

“If this is a gift, God can keep it!’ the individual said more than once. “Red eyes and a runny nose do not make me feel any closer to God at all!”

The impression created on those who may notice tears during the Eucharist is most often that they are seeing someone dealing with grief.  And their expressions of sympathy and consolation can be embarrassing, to say the least. Eventually I learned to say “Thank you. This is just something that sometimes happens to me during the Eucharist.”

People understand this more than one might expect. While not an everyday occurrence, I have come to think that many people who attend Mass seriously and regularly have this experience at least once or even occasionally during their lives.

Try Not To Attempt Managing Your Tears

Tears, even silent tears can make us uncomfortably self-conscious when we are in public. The temptation to clamp down on them can be very strong.  My own learned response is to lower my face into hands folded for prayer in order to avoid feeling on display – whether it is to avoid unwanted attention or to avoid wanting attention. Both can be a risk.  Both have also always seemed to me to hold some kind of peril I would rather not explore.

Avoiding ostentation is one thing, but trying to stifle tears that are a true gift of the Holy Spirit is a rejection of grace, something none of us can afford. If people notice, accept their sympathy gracefully.  But if they persist in their concern reassure them that this is just something that happens to you during the Eucharist.

If they have had a similar experience, allow your own experience to be a witness to them and an encouragement to build up their gratitude for their own experiences.  It may turn out that the Spirit has arranged for this encounter to build you up in your faith and your right use of this or other spiritual gifts.

Don’t Try to Create Tears

While attempting to suppress tears from the Spirit is a bad idea, attempting to create them on your own is even worse.

Pray in thanksgiving for your experience, and include in your prayers of gratitude your willingness, even your desire to continue to receive such Graces. But do not attempt to manufacture an experience from your desires and you memories. Trust that God knows what you need and what you should have.  Then wait patiently on the Lord for further blessings to come in His time.

Some of our greatest saints have experienced years of dryness following their gifts of grace. As Mother Theresa of Calcutta’s diaries have shown, waiting faithfully through dryness can be more sanctifying than any number of emotional experiences.

Find Your Own Giftedness

There are many different Gifts (see Corinthians 12 for a partial list).  Your gifts may not include tears.  They will be what God has given you to equip you for what he wants you do.

God does not equip you for what he wants me to do, or what your next-door neighbor is called to do, no more than he equips anyone else for what he wants you to do. That is one of the many marvelous things about the Gifts of the Holy Spirit – they are the ultimate in custom fitting.  They are given to individuals to accomplish the work of the Church on Earth for the glory of our Father in Heaven.

This is easier to understand when we I remember what I was taught in my confirmation class oh so many years ago – that  ”the Church is the body of which Christ is the Head and all baptized Christians are members” (1928 Episcopal Book of Common Prayer, catechism section).

Not long ago the old Latin phrase “Carpe Diem” (“seize the day”) enjoyed some renewed currency as a stimulus for people to act now instead of waiting for circumstances that might never develop.

I would encourage people to find and embrace all their gifts, whether it be tears at Mass or some other facility at any other of the gifts God gives us. When we bring all our gifts together with those of our community, then the Kingdom of God is truly at hand.

Prayer

Thank you for all your gifts, oh Lord, humble or great as they may be. Let us find them and use them in humility toward your ends and not our own, for it is for your work we are given all that we have, and to your ends that we desire to dedicate ourselves, in this life and the next.

Amen!