Talking S***

Middle schoolers love dirty words. A few weeks ago, I chaperoned a bunch of them on a trip to Tybee Island. Riding home with my best friend Andy (the middle school principal), the eighth-grade boys in the van started talking s***. Not in a disrespectful way. One of the boys just asked Andy if there’s ever a time when it’s appropriate to say that word. He used the word itself. Laughter exploded from the back of the van.

They were astonished when Andy and I both used the word ourselves to launch into a conversation about why we choose not to say “s***,” along with the other dirty words. This was not a trivial conversation. They were genuinely curious. They listened and asked questions. They wanted to know what kind of speech is appropriate for young men.

Andy has been a teacher for a long time and was also a Scoutmaster for many years. It was not his first rodeo. He launched into a story.

A Bold Recipe

At some point in the 80s or 90s, Steve Swenson, one of the teachers at Alleluia Community School, got fed up with the movies that were coming out because they made foul language and immorality look cool. I don’t know if you remember 80s and 90s movies, but a PG movie would include as many cuss words as the MPAA would allow. If they used the word “Jesus,” it was as a curse. And every year, they pushed the line a little farther.

Steve wanted to teach his students a lesson, so he decided to bake brownies. He gathered the highest quality ingredients and used the very best chocolate. Then he went out into the yard and picked up the littlest, tiniest bit of dog s*** that he could find, and mixed it into the brownie batter.

The next day at lunch, he had dozens of beautiful brownie squares sitting out on the lunchroom table. The kids squealed as they came in and saw the treats, but Steve told them they had to wait until he told them a story. All the students gathered. Steve told them that he was so excited to offer them this delicious treat. He praised the quality of the chocolate and how tender they were when he cut them. They were quite possibly the best brownies that he’d ever made.

But he did want to warn them, however, that they had a little dog poop in them. Hardly any at all. You’d never be able to taste it. Then he said, “Alright, kids, dig in.”

Nobody moved. There was whispering. Did he really put dog s*** in the brownies? Yes, he assured them, there really was just the littlest bit of poop in the brownies. But he’d baked it to perfection, so it was totally safe.

Still, nobody moved. Steve sprung his trap. The movies that were so popular were just like these brownies. They looked great. They had great acting and funny scripts. But the way that they used language was like putting poop in the brownies. No matter how good everything else about the movie was, the bad language ruined everything.

There’s Always a Better Word

I continued by telling the boys that using vulgar words is just plain lazy. A few years ago, I saw a post on social media from one of my favorite fundraising gurus that said something like, “Tell me why the F*** I should stop using four-letter words.”

I don’t normally comment on things like that, but I felt inspired. I responded, “Because it’s lazy. You’re a better writer than that. Pick better words.” The reality is that I don’t know of any cases where four letter words are the best choice. When used, they are stripped of any actual meaning at all and are just filler that gets a cheap reaction.

You see this a lot in the media these days. I watched part of a comedy special on Netflix the other day, and from the very beginning, it was f-bomb after f-bomb, this effing guy and that effing thing. I kept listening for a while, hoping it would get to some actual comedy. It didn’t. Foul language probably made up 10-15% of the words that he used. I turned it off. It was gross. I was disappointed.

And it’s not like I hate comedy. I love comedy. P. G. Wodehouse is my favorite comedic author, and his books are as clean as a whistle. And he’s the only author who has ever broken me. I was reading one of his books aloud to my wife, and his punch line was so funny that I couldn’t stop laughing for minutes. It was hilarious.

The English language has 170,000+ words, not including all the technical jargon or archaic forms. If you’re focused on the handful of words that will get a reaction because they’re considered dirty or impolite, you’re just missing out on the richness of our language.

A Heart Full of S***

Our conversation with the boys went deeper. A friend of the community is a practicing exorcist. I’ve participated in some of his exorcisms and told a few stories about them. He gave a talk a few years ago about the awful, vulgar things that come out of the mouths of the possessed when the demons are talking.

I’ve seen it myself. The most vile things you can imagine come out of mouths that are twisted with rage and contempt. In that case, the possessed person is not directly responsible for the words that are coming out of their mouth. But what if we don’t have that excuse?

Jesus said, “For from the fullness of the heart the mouth speaks. A good person brings forth good out of a store of goodness, but an evil person brings forth evil out of a store of evil. I tell you, on the day of judgment, people will render an account for every careless word they speak. By your words you will be acquitted, and by your words you will be condemned.” (Matthew 12:34-37).

Vulgar and profane language is a symptom of what’s in our hearts. It’s a bringing forth of what we have stored inside. I’m not throwing stones here — notice I said “we.” There was a time back in my Hollywood days that I had a horrifically filthy mouth. I was the worst of the worst. And it really did reveal what was going on inside my mind and heart. My life was filled with dark and vulgar images. I was ruled by sinful desires. As a result, the words that came out of my mouth were dark and vulgar.

After my conversion, that changed dramatically. I did a word search in my private notes on my computer for the word s***. There were no instances. Zero. I didn’t find it one time in my thousands of files and over a million words that I’ve written during the past 15 years. I just don’t talk that way anymore.

Also, notice what Jesus said about being judged according to the words that come out of our mouths. For this reason, St. Paul wrote, “No foul language should come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for needed edification, that it may impart grace to those who hear.” (Ephesians 4:29) When God looks at the transcript of our lives, how much of what we say will fit St. Paul’s description? How much will need to be blacked out with a Sharpie?

Feed the People

“Man does not live by bread alone, but by every word that comes from the mouth of God.” (Matthew 4:4) God’s word feeds us. In a mysterious way, since man is made in the image of God, our words feed one another, too.

How many people in the world are starving for a word of affirmation? Ravenous for a word of encouragement or comfort? How many languish because they need a word of affection? How many wander in darkness because they need a word of correction?

Our American love affair with freedom of speech has blinded us to the real purpose of language. Liberty should not be confused with license. We need to be free to use our speech to instruct, to affirm, to praise, to correct, to encourage, to comfort, to rejoice, to build up. All of those, and many more positive uses of speech, fall under the general category “to love.”

But we shouldn’t consider that a license to use our speech for evil ends. The power of our words should never be used to degrade, to lie, to steal, to offend, to calumniate… and all of the other ways that the Father of Lies corrupts the goodness of language. It takes some practice to avoid these corrupt forms, but it can be done. And everyone is the better for it.

The conversation that we had with the boys was a high-calorie, stick-to-your-ribs kind of meal. We talked about what it means to be a man of virtue and self-control, disciplined in our speech. True, it did have a little s*** in it, but only enough so we could warn them not to eat the brownies.