Self-Awareness, God’s Grace, and Your Freedom

fear, evil, light, darkness

How’s your self-awareness? Do you struggle with some area of life you think you can never change? Is there some repeated pattern of thinking or behavior that sabotages your efforts at spiritual improvement? Don’t you wish you could gain freedom from those self-defeating patterns? Well, there’s no need to wish any longer! With God’s grace, you can make those changes and break the enemy’s chains holding you captive on your journey to union with God.

Awareness of the Enemy’s Tactics

In his Spiritual Exercises, St. Ignatius of Loyola likens the enemy of human nature to an opposing military commander, looking for the weak spots in a fortress:

The Fourteenth. To use still another comparison, the enemy acts like a military commander who is attempting to conquer and plunder his objective. The captain and leader of an army on campaign sets up his camp, studies the strength and structure of a fortress, and then attacks it at the weakest point.

In the same way, the enemy of human nature prowls around and from every side probes all our theological, cardinal, and moral virtues. Then at the point where he finds us weakest and most in need in regard to our eternal salvation, there he attacks us and tries to take us. Spiritual Exercises, §327 – Ganss, SJ

Where you are weakest, he will attack you. Having a weak point is nothing to be ashamed of. We all have them. Knowing, however, where your weak areas lie is key to achieving the spiritual freedom for growth in your interior life.

Self-Awareness Regarding the Theological Virtues

How strong are your virtues of faith, hope, and charity? Do you attempt to see God through the light of faith, as always the same, always infinitely good, and always merciful? Do you raise your thoughts to heaven to be consoled in the midst of trials? Seeing a pattern in yourself of worrying about things, being anxious about tomorrow, can indicate a need for growth in faith and hope. Ask God for the grace to grow in those virtues, and in trustful surrender to Him.

With charity, the highest virtue, we love God for himself above all things, and ourselves, and our neighbor for God. True charity is all about continually seeking, praying for, and acting for another’s highest good, no matter what. Fr. Jordan Aumann, OP notes in Spiritual Theology, that,

“… [Many are] performing many good works and acts of sacrifice, but they are far from being saints. If they encounter any contradiction or difficulty, they become angry; [or] if they are lacking anything, their laments are raised to heaven; [when] their superiors command something that does not please them, they murmur and complain; if anyone criticizes or humiliates them, they become enemies of those persons. All this shows clearly that such individuals are still very far from Christian perfection…”

If you find one or more of Fr. Aumann’s behavioral descriptions applying to you repeatedly, perhaps a weakness in charity, together with one or more other virtues may be an issue.

Self-Awareness Relating to the Cardinal Virtues

Do you find yourself struggling with making good decisions, or regretting decisions you have made? When you make decisions, do you sometimes fail to consider possible effects and their impact on your eternal life? These could be signs that prudence represents a weak spot in your spiritual fortress. Praying for the grace to grow in prudence and in the gift of counsel can help. From a practical perspective, you might try to make a habit of pausing, reflecting, asking for more information or clarification as needed, and then responding rather than simply reacting to situations.

Temperance becomes an issue when we don’t control our sensual appetites. Avoiding occasions that stimulate desires for sensate pleasures and practicing voluntary self-denial can help with this. As well, maintaining custody of the eyes and staying busy with safe, beneficial activities will be helpful.

Practicing justice means giving to others their due. Getting embroiled in gossip, scandal, calumny, rash judgment, ridicule, or defamation of others is a sign that this could be a weak point for you. In addition to praying for the grace to grow in this virtue, asking for the grace to grow in the gift of piety can help you break free of these chains.

Fortitude, or courage, strengthens our will so we will not abandon the pursuit of difficult or demanding good even if faced with grave danger. Do you have difficulty accepting the annoyances of daily life (the “little crosses”)? Perhaps praying for the grace to grow in both the virtue and the gift of fortitude will help you here.

Increasing Self-Awareness of Enemy Attacks

Consider reflecting on those “down” moments you’ve experienced. Do you find yourself frequently being drawn into a psychological or spiritual funk (“desolation”) by thoughts like the following?

  • Am I really supposed to be here, doing this work or ministry activity? (The enemy’s lie: “You don’t belong—who do you think you are? Sooner or later, everyone’s going to find out you’re no good.)
  • Did I say what I was supposed to say and how I should have? (The enemy’s lie: You sure messed that up, didn’t you? I told you that you couldn’t do it. I bet you really made a wreck of it, loser.”)
  • What will I do if X, Y or Z occurs? How will I be able to get through it? (The enemy’s lie: Don’t stay in the present, worry about the future—stay focused on the future which you’re going to be a victim of.”)
  • I need to realize that this pattern of sin is who I am, as miserable as it is. (The enemy’s lie: “You are so bad–God won’t help you; just give up and get on with it.”)
  • The spiritual energy (“consolation”) from the retreat I was on is gone; who was I kidding anyway? (The enemy’s lie: You just imagined whatever you felt; that wasn’t God—He doesn’t care and you aren’t worthy of having a spiritually uplifting life anyway.”)

You may be able to think of additional negative thought patterns, similar to the examples above, that you’ve experienced. Recognize the enemy’s lies behind these thoughts. He wants to drag you down, to take your focus off of loving God and your neighbor. He wants to take you out of the sacrament of the present moment. And that’s where God and His graces await you!

Self-Awareness: That Funk or Desolation You’re Feeling

St. Ignatius tells us this funk we sometimes experience, or “desolation,” can be characterized by a darkness of soul, where you feel trapped in confusion, perhaps with a sense, it’s not going to get better. There may be a sense of sadness and lack of energy. You may be experiencing agitation, aggravation, or restlessness. There may be disquieting temptations. These descriptions might apply both to psychological and spiritual desolation.

Neither physical challenges (fatigue or illness), nor psychological, “non-spiritual” desolation, directly have an impact on matters of faith. However, both can lead to spiritual desolation. Spiritual desolation per se may manifest in feeling a lack of attraction to God, to prayer and devotions, and to doing the work of God, for example. And St. Ignatius tells us we may feel as if we’re separated from God, even though we never are.

Are you feeling tired after a long week of work, and now tempted at the last moment to put off going to confession as you’d planned? Perhaps you’re stressed from schoolwork, so you sit viewing online videos or e-mails that are eating into your prayer time. Maybe your disappointment with someone leads to some despondency. In turn, your enthusiasm for getting to weekday Mass wanes, and you stay home. All of these represent examples where non-spiritual desolation is possibly leading to spiritual desolation. As St. Ignatius instructs us, we need to be aware of what’s going on in our hearts, understand where it’s coming from, and then take appropriate action.

Be Aware, Understand and Take Action

We all have a weak point or two. It’s nothing to be ashamed of. It’s simply part of human nature. Recognize that you’re engaged in daily spiritual warfareThe enemy of our human nature, being an intelligent and keen observer of our behaviors, knows your weak points. He will use them against you. Be more aware of the movements of your heart; take some time to understand where they’re coming from. Conduct a daily examen to begin looking for trends in consolations and desolations. Look for those patterns of thinking and behaviors that represent weak points in your spiritual fortress.  Talk to your spiritual director about what you’re experiencing. 

There’s no shame in spiritual desolation. You’re not alone in it, but you don’t need to live with its heaviness, either. Our Lord wants to set you free. With God’s grace, get to work fortifying those weak spots in your spiritual fortress. Learn how to reject the enemy’s lies and build virtuous practices to break the chains that bind you. God’s truth and His transforming, healing love is there for the asking. So, ask Him for His help–He’s waiting.

I can do all things in him who strengthens me. (Phil 4:13)

 

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5 thoughts on “Self-Awareness, God’s Grace, and Your Freedom”

  1. Pingback: MONDAY EDITION – Big Pulpit

  2. Don,
    Thank you for your excellent column. I always enjoy and benefit from your writings. This is a question that always plagues me. You write about our thoughts. It is my understanding that the devil cannot read our minds. How does he know our thoughts?
    Pauline Hamilton

    1. Pauline, thank you for your kind words! The demons cannot read our thoughts–you are correct.
      But, they’re highly intelligent, and are watching us closely all the time. While they cannot read our thoughts, they do have access to our memory and our imagination. They can use that knowledge to identify where, when and how to tempt us.
      Just as our friends, family, and other people can influence us, the demons, with their intellect and with this access, can influence us as well. And since they have this access to memories, imaginations and feelings that go with them, they can make really good, educated guesses as to where they can get the must bang for the buck in their approach to tempting us. Hope this helps! God bless – Dom

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