Praying For Another

“I’ll pray for you.”

People say this often.  As often as not, they say it with an unspoken general presumption that they will do their praying at some other time, in some other place.

Several years ago, though, I got to know a man who challenged this common practice.  He said one can and should pray for others during their regular prayer time.  But, he pointed out, immediate prayer in the presence of the person needing prayers is better for everyone involved.

His basic argument was that immediate response to need was better than deferred response.  This is because an immediate response is immediate: It begins working at once.   It also made it more likely, in his experience, that prayers deferred would actually happen as well.

His idea is that it is easier to continue something you have started than it is to start something you have deferred for a later time.

After several years of attempting to follow his advice – mostly successfully after a period of adjustment – I would add that it helps others believe in (and depend on) the promise.

Learn And Follow Your Local Customs And Practices

Of course, anyone can pray for another. And we all should include prayers for others in our regular prayer times.   But the prayers we offer in our private, personal prayer time, in our own personal and private space, are one type of praying.  The prayers we offer for others in their presence and/or in public are another.

It is important not to set ourselves up as exercising an authority we have not received, especially if we do so without being under authority ourselves. What we pray in our private, solitary prayer time is between ourselves and God. What we do in public in the view and hearing of others is a community activity.  We must therefore do it properly and in good order.

What is considered appropriate and proper in one locale may be inappropriate in a different locale.  As such we should find out what is and is not permitted (and under what circumstances) in our particular community.

Different dioceses and different parishes have different guidelines and attitudes toward praying for others. If you feel called to an active practice of prayer for others, it is important to check with your parish.  You may find that your parish has a community dedicated to prayer for others.  If so, enroll in any training the parish offers and take part in the scheduled activities of the group.

If your parish does not have such an organized ministry perhaps you have found a calling. Maybe helping establish one is your calling.

In other words, check first lest you accidentally transgress against good order and discipline.

My Most Often Used Prayers

This is my go-to prayer for people who request prayers for illness and infirmity: “May our sweet Lord in heaven pour his healing grace out upon [name] in merciful abundance, restoring [name] to fullness of health.”

A variation for difficult times of trial and tribulation is “May our sweet Lord in heaven pour his loving grace out upon [name] in merciful abundance, and carry [name] in his arms through this time of trial.”

These days my most frequent use of these prayers is online, in a private e-mail or social media post or message.

Both can easily be adapted for use when we are alone in our personal prayers.

Who Have I Promised To Pray For?

I have learned (from painful experience) that every time I embark on my personal prayers, it is a good idea for me to ask myself who I have promised to pray for. Making this a regular part of my preparation for personal prayers helps keep me aware of what I have promised.  It also encourages me to keep my list of prayers for others updated.

Sometime this means checking in with the prayer recipient to see if he or she still needs prayers.  Other times I have knowledge of the situation that allows me to discern whether the need is still present.

For example, someone may ask me to pray for them in battling a bad habit.  It’s usually a good idea to ask at the beginning if it is OK to check in after a time to see if prayers are still desired. Or it may be clear that this is a long-term struggle and call for continued prayer until otherwise directed.

Other prayers may have a kind of built-in time limit. This is usually clear during the initial conversation for the prayer request. Consider, for instance, someone about to undergo surgery or someone facing a visit with a difficult family member.  Or perhaps the individual is dealing with a tough work situation.

Regularly “taking inventory” of my prayer commitments also helps me from over-promising. Extending your activity beyond your limited abilities is not a good idea.

I‘d truly like to be able to pray for anyone and everyone who desires prayer.  But the truth is that I have limited time and attention in my prayer life. Overextending ourselves risks exhausting our resources to the point of burning-out. This could result in  abandoning even moderate efforts in practicing this virtue.

Ask For Prayers Yourself

As is so often said, we must take care of ourselves in order to be of use in taking care of others.

Part of that “taking care of ourselves in order to be of use in taking care of others” is to ask for prayers for ourselves.  And you will find that if you join a group of prayer givers, mutual support in prayer is an important feature and benefit of belonging to such a group.

If you find yourself stranded in dryness and difficulty in your prayers, the support of others through their prayers is invaluable. If you think of your prayers as a resource, then it is clear that replenishing your resources is necessary to using them properly.

In prayer, as in so many things, we simply cannot give what we are not capable of receiving.

Remember To Stay Embedded In Your Community

Personal prayer, by its very nature, is personal and private.  But most of us are not hermits.  As members of communities we both give and receive support.

The more often your prayers reach beyond your own life, and the further out from you and your own family your prayers reach, the greater your need to be connected to your community as a part of your prayer life. Every parish has its own unique programs. Many parishes also have local groups that are not only a part of the parish’s community, but also the communities of the town, region, diocese, and so on.

Let Us Pray

The phrase “Let us pray” is a common one in out liturgy.  Broadening our prayers and directing them beyond ourselves and our immediate family transforms this phrase.  Instead of just something we hear and accept as part of the liturgy, it becomes a vivid, living invitation. We carry our prayers out to the larger world around us.  And, in so doing, we find that we are harvesting the fruits of prayers of others as well as our own.

Let us pray, then, for as many as we can without losing focus and intentionality. The fruits are waiting for us to harvest.