Our Spiritual Life is About Balancing Our Martha and Mary

Most Christians should know the story of how Martha became indignant that she was working hard preparing the meal and doing house work while her sister Mary was listening at the feet of Jesus (Lk 10:38-42).  This is a fascinating and powerful story whose meaning rests deep beneath the surface.

This is Not About Choosing to Serve or Focus on Jesus

On a merely superficial level, one may conclude that this story asks us to choose between serving as Martha is apparently doing or focusing on Jesus as Mary seems to do.  If we go this route, we may conclude that focusing on Jesus is better than serving given Our Lord’s admonition to Martha to let Mary enjoy the choice she has made.  However, we know from the words and example of Jesus that there is a time to serve and a time to speak and listen.  And even Ecclesiastes 3:1 tells us there is “a time for every affair under the heavens.”

Jesus is not telling Martha that she and Mary have made final, determinative, and totally exclusive choices.  In fact, his gentle reprimand implies that Martha is free to make Mary’s choice whenever she wants to.  I think that is a key point in this story.  I think the message in this story is that we are each free to choose how we serve and what we focus on as we move through this life and our spiritual journey.

What Martha’s Choice Represents

On a positive level, Martha’s choice to serve via worldly and practical work done in the interest of others is a virtuous and commendable option. There is nothing inherently wrong with preparing meals, cleaning, organizing, serving, and doing housework.  In fact, on a practical level, such service is very necessary if we are to live and function in a wholesome, healthy, and hygienic manner.

But following Christ does not mean that we are to abandon all concern for doing housework and taking care of ourselves and others. Martha’s choice is therefore anything but evil. Rather, it is more a testament to Martha’s priorities and preferred choice of how to serve God.

The Danger and Trap of Expectations, External and Self

In the time of Jesus, women were expected to do housework and cook.  In fact, many probably believed that was all women were supposed to do.

But on a deeper level, Martha represents how doing what is practical and sensible can become a trap.  One can easily become too wrapped up in this world’s external expectations, limits, and labels.  However, Martha was also perhaps allowing herself to be trapped in her own internal noise of self-expectation and self-worth.

The fact that Martha sees Mary’s choice as unfair to Martha implies that Martha’s choice is more worthy and noble than Mary’s and, perhaps, that Mary is taking the easier path.  Is Martha intentionally or unintentionally falling into the common trap of equating busy work with being the most worthwhile and valuable work? Was Martha implying that Mary is somehow getting away with something as in doing what is less valuable?

At the very least, Martha’s reaction to Mary’s choice belittles Mary’s choice as some sort of lazy excuse to avoid real work.  Often times, what we expect from ourselves and allow society to expect and demand from us can taint what we expect and demand from others.

The Danger and Trap of Comparisons

Martha’s choice, however, was not inherently wrong. Her real troubles begin when she began comparing her choice to Mary’s. Had Martha merely served and showed her love for Jesus her way, she could have avoided Our Lord’s reprimand.  However, it is when Martha begins to privately and openly compare her choice to what her sister is doing that Martha gets into spiritual trouble.

Let us recall that everyone – from Adam and Eve, to Cain, to the Israelites in the desert, and scores of others in scripture – sinned once they began comparing themselves to others.  Comparison, then, can become groundwork for sin. It focuses our attention more on ourselves and others than on God.

Once Martha began comparing her choice to her sister’s, she invariably judged her choice to be better or more noble than Mary’s.  Once that step is taken, humility suffers. We can see how comparison begins a slippery slope toward sin and away from God.  One of my favorite parables, The Vine Workers (Mt 20:1-16) is a classic example of how it is spiritual folly to compare ourselves with others. In doing so we pretend that God’s measures and rules are like ours.

The Danger and Trap of All-or-None Thinking

Martha’s reaction to Mary’s choice reveals more about Martha than Martha’s choice alone.  As already noted, Martha could have been content with her choice as her personal expression of love for Jesus and even her sister. She could have freely and lovingly chosen to cook and clean and to allow Mary to listen to Our Lord without distraction. Instead, Martha showed by her reaction that she saw her choice as the only viable or correct path.

The evil one uses the noise of external and internal expectations, comparison, and all-or-none thinking to trap us into selfishness, arrogance, and resentment toward others.  Once we compare and judge and label, it is a short trip to convincing ourselves that our choice is the one and only viable, good choice. We then see all others as somewhat warped, distorted, unfair, or lame.

Martha came to see her choice as so wonderful that it represented the only reality one could accept as worthwhile and good.  Given that, Mary’s choice was nothing more than a lame excuse and lazy cop-out.

We know that Martha loved Jesus and, therefore, his teaching.  So, we can only conclude that Martha’s blind obsession with her choice and reasoning caused her consternation.  She temporarily devalued that teaching in comparison to her convenience and sense of fairness!

When we wrap ourselves so tightly in this world’s and our own expectations, we may easily lose sight of God’s Will and purpose for our lives.  When we become so obsessed with cooking the perfect meal that we forget to thank God for the food we have to cook in the first place, we are drifting into spiritual delusion.

What Mary’s Choice Represents

By sitting at the feet of Jesus, Mary was acting, and Jesus was accepting her as, a disciple.  Mary had the audacity to act as a disciple of Jesus regardless of what her world at that time would think about a woman being anyone’s disciple.  Jesus loved, embraced, and accepted that audacity and the love that prompted it.

Mary’s choice clearly shows that she was less distracted by the noise and expectations of this world. Mary distanced herself from the noise and often warped priorities and labels of this world and focused only on Jesus.  Contrary to what Martha believed, Mary’s choice was not a lame excuse to avoid housework or cooking.  This is because Mary was not comparing that work to listening to Jesus and deciding that listening was easier than cleaning.   Rather, it was a sincere, pure, and genuine expression of love toward Jesus and his teaching.

Mary’s choice represents what true love is all about. It is not self-interested. It does not compare or calculate supposed fairness. And it does not label, judge, or point fingers.  Certainly, it does not object or call out another.

The more we focus on Jesus, the less we will be concerned with the noise and distractions of this world and its petty measures and judgments.  The more we focus primarily on Jesus, the more we will think, feel, and act outside the box that this world presets for us.  And the more we focus on Jesus, the more we will begin to act, feel, and see things as Jesus does.

Finding the Right Balance

The choices that Martha and her sister Mary made at their home in Bethany that day are dripping with the back-and-forth of our temporal and eternal priorities.  On the one hand, we need to fulfill our earthly, practical responsibilities and duties, both to ourselves and those we love. We cannot quit our jobs and run off to the mountains to read scripture all day.  On the other hand, we need to fulfill our spiritual responsibilities and duties as well.  We cannot hope to one day fulfill our eternal destiny and share Heaven with our loving God if our vision begins and ends at cooking dinner on time and making the bed just right.

Let us recall that St. Therese of Lisieux, The Little Flower, often wrote of the sanctity in doing the little things out of love.  Perhaps the secret to balancing our Martha and our Mary is reminding ourselves, constantly, until it becomes second-nature, to do both our Martha and our Mary out of genuine, pure, and sincere love for Jesus and others. If we truly do this, selfishness, comparisons, judgments, and labels will all give way to simple love, humility and service.

What Martha and Mary Both Did Right

We know from scripture that both Martha and Mary loved Jesus and had great faith in him. Both boldly declared that Our Lord could have healed their brother Lazarus before he died. They also knew that even after his death, Jesus could bring him back to life (Jn 11:25).  This bold confidence in God should be a key part of our faith.

However, even when Martha called out her sister to Jesus for not helping her do the housework and cooking, she knew, loved, and believed in Jesus enough to go straight to him with her problem.  The more we seek the presence of Jesus first in our lives, the more often and more confidently we will go straight to him with our problems as well.

Conclusion

The story of Martha and Mary reminds us that the key to growing closer to Jesus is to seek his presence first in our daily lives. We must find ways to foster, cultivate, and grow that presence in all we do. It is not about cooking and cleaning versus praying and reading scripture. Rather, it is about turning our cooking and cleaning into a living prayer of loving service to God and others. If we seek Jesus in all we do and everyone we encounter, we will find the perfect balance of our Martha and our Mary.