Novenas and the Power of Couple’s Prayer

For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them (Matthew 18:20).

The first time it occurred to me that the above verse could be applied to prayer between my husband and me was when we said our first St. Joseph novena together.  In all the years of dating and engagement, we prayed together many times.  Yet, every time I heard Matthew 18:20 I pictured groups of peers, friends, fellow parishioners.  I did picture someone as close to me as my romantic partner.

As we prayed our first novena together after our marriage, this verse came to mind and took my breath away.  What a great gift to the praying couple!  In their own union, they can welcome Christ to be present with them in this special way!  After four years of marriage, novenas continue to be our go-to when we have big decisions or need help.  God rewards our special time of unified prayer as the Bible verse says, by making His presence obvious.

Novenas: Perfect for Hesitant Couples

Praying together can be a difficult thing.  Not only is prayer a vulnerable act, but also one which individuals can approach in very different ways.  Some find structured prayer helpful, while others cannot concentrate when confined to formulated words.  The Church stresses the importance of incorporating different forms of prayer into one’s daily life, even if outside one’s preference.  It also says that it is normal to fall into patterns in a prayer life that help one feel more connected to God.

In its section on “The Life of Prayer”, the Catechism of the Catholic Church states:

The Lord leads all persons by paths and in ways pleasing to him, and each believer responds according to his heart’s resolve and the personal expressions of his prayer.  However, Christian Tradition has retained three major expressions of prayer: vocal, meditative, and contemplative.  They have one basic trait in common: composure of heart. This vigilance in keeping the Word and dwelling in the presence of God makes these three expressions intense times in the life of prayer (CCC 2699).

This is where novenas are a saving grace for couples with opposing preferences or reservations about praying with an audience.  They combine different expressions in a structured way that makes them very “user-friendly.”

Novenas and Expressions of Prayer: Vocal

Novenas combine expressions of prayer in a way that allows couples to dive deeper into the forms each prefers.  To speak to the three expressions outlined in the Catechism above, novenas incorporate vocal and meditative prayer.  They can also act as a springboard for contemplative prayer.  They do this by having a reflection or theme, paired with a prayer and intentions, said over nine days.

Vocal prayer can feel more natural with another person than it can by oneself, which is a reason why it is important for couples to pray together.  As the Catechism states, “Vocal prayer is an essential element of the Christian life,” CCC 2701.  Though we pray vocally as a community at Mass each week (or more!), it is important for this to be incorporated into one’s prayer life in the domestic church as well.  Novenas provide clear prayers to say aloud and encourage the couple to share their intentions aloud with each other as they bring them to God together.

This vocalization of intentions can be a beautiful time of spouses opening up to each other about worries or fears they had not yet shared and can bring grace simply by enabling the couple to better support each other through this sharing in God’s presence. This greater awareness of each other can start important conversations outside of prayer time that can lend themselves to solutions.  My husband and I have found that, as we share intentions during our novena, we gain valuable insight into the order of things in each other’s minds.  Although we discuss the challenges and particulars of our family daily, praying over our family with each other invites both of us a little deeper into each other’s hearts.  That, by itself, is reason enough to pray a novena together!

Novenas and Expressions of Prayer: Meditative

Thanks to the plethora of novenas available, these prayers can act as a great means to spark new interest in one’s prayer life, provide inspiration in areas a couple needs improvement, or set the tone for a particular season.  Since each novena has a theme, it naturally lends those praying it to meditate upon a specific aspect of Christ, a saint, or another way of devotion.  The Catechism describes meditation as a “quest”: “The mind seeks to understand the why and how of the Christian life, in order to adhere and respond to what the Lord is asking,” CCC 2705.

By choosing a theme of mutual interest or benefit to the couple, the two are invited to meditate upon something which will encourage or challenge both individuals to continue striving to become more Christ-like.  This, by default, will bless their relationship, their family, and their communities.  To encourage deeper meditation, a couple can choose a novena which incorporates a different reflection each day or has longer passages of spiritual material to read and pray over for the nine days of the novena.

The couple can also set aside time within their novena prayer for silent meditation.  However, the intensity of saying the same prayer nine days in a row can also hone one’s meditation.  Novenas such as the Divine Mercy Novena incorporate both in a length that is still approachable, even for the busiest of couples, by having a changing short passage and prayer each day, followed by the Divine Mercy chaplet.

Through the vocal and meditative pieces of the novenas, couples with opposing spiritual habits can find inspiration.  They can also stretch themselves to embrace the benefits of prayer forms outside their routines.  All of this with the presence of God in their midst!

Novenas and Expressions of Prayer: Contemplative

Praying novenas together lends itself to becoming a foundation for contemplative prayer during one’s private time.  The Catechism has many beautiful things to say about contemplative prayer.  One description is “the poor and humble surrender to the loving will of the Father in ever deeper union with his beloved Son.” CCC 2712.

Since it is typical to pray a novena over nine days, it remains in the background.  After the couple prays together, likely they return to their daily duties.  However, their shared time can spark ideas or inspirations that they can return to once they are alone.  Contemplating on their shared prayer is an essential step in being open to hearing God’s response.

Personally, we have found that the answers to our novenas often come to us when we are quietly turning over our shared intentions in our hearts on our own.  Though it does not always work this way, there are times we come back together to share the insights we feel God has placed on our hearts and find He has nudged us in the same direction.  We have also found that if one of us feels God has placed an answer on our heart and that answer is shared with the other, the other has the grace and clarity to hear and see it as being of God, even if it is an answer that one of us might not have been open to before the novena.

Novenas are a Couple’s Lifeline

Praying together as a couple already invites God into the midst of those individuals in a special way.  By incorporating these varied expressions of prayer, that time becomes stronger.  It gains the benefit of great graces aiding the success of the prayer.  Though that “success” may not always come in the form of an obvious or requested answer, it will always bear fruit for the couple and their marriage, even if that fruit does not become apparent until later.

Novenas have become our “lifeline” when we have no idea how to make things work out best for our family.  God continues to bless our novena prayer time in unexpected and obvious ways.  His answers are always what we need, even if we don’t realize it at the time.  I hope that couples who try this form of prayer will experience a similar comfort.

St. Joseph, patron of our marriage and Pillar of Families, pray for us!