No Rest for the Wicked

Most people are very busy. Busy seems to be the norm. Work, kids, house, commute, yard, sports, exercise, cooking, cleaning, the list goes on and on. As an academic, I am always working. I’ve spent most of my academic career with a job (one that pays money) while going to school and, for the past sixteen years, also being a mother. I’ve become accustomed to a constant type of movement. With any type of ‘regular’ job, I have time limits. Time to start the workday and time to end it. With this type of work evenings and weekends are open for other activities.

Academic Life

The academic life is a bit different. It is a strange life where there is always another book to read, another paper to write, another lecture to plan. There are certain set hours when lectures are held or exams given, but as anyone in education knows, time spent in the classroom can often feel like downtime.  Deadlines are staggard and various. Publications need to be edited, articles peer-reviewed, and of course, the drive to publish, publish, publish. Many academics dream of ‘summer vacation’, which, is really just a time between semesters when we can get focus on our own research instead of dealing with departmental requirements.

My situation here in Poland is a bit unique. I am a native English speaker which lends to being asked, generally at the last minute, for the proof of an article, summary, or publication written in English by non-native speakers or perhaps a ‘quick’ translation of an article or summary. My director does a good job of shielding me from most of these requests and has set firm boundaries with his colleagues. He tells me that if he didn’t set these boundaries, I’d be working “na wieki wieków, amen” (forever and ever, amen). However, there is always a request from the Dean or head of the department to which I am hard-pressed to decline.

Of course, most of this work is done without pay. The requests are often accompanied by a statement which reads: “We cannot pay you for this work, but we encourage you to add it to your CV.”  As a result, my CV is littered with various editing and translation assignments.

Endless Work

I know that I am not alone when I say that my work seems to bleed into my downtime. I often find myself searching the online library catalogue late into the night for one more article to bolster my argument or shore up loose ends. My latest endeavor sent me into the night searching endless journals for information on the Septuagint which resulted in over ninety different articles applicable to my study. These articles, of course, then needed to be read. In general, people seem to think that I’m ‘just in school’ so really, I can’t be that busy.

I’m not exactly sure why, but over the years people have often commented on my pursuit of higher education, saying things like: “When are you planning on joining the real world?” Or “It must be nice to just sit around and read books all day.” These comments have often left me feeling disturbed, misunderstood, embarrassed, or resentful. Somehow, I felt that I had to justify my very existence or defend academia. Then came the day when I had to stop and wonder why I felt this way.

There are, of course, more topics here than space to write. I firmly believe that my fear of not being a part of the ‘real world’, not making enough money, or simply loving what I do, somehow lessens the value of what I have chosen for a path in life. However, what I see now is that God chose this path for me. He has given me a gift and placed me in a position to carry out his work. Hopefully, I am not mistaken in this belief and can do this work well.

Real Work?

This idea of the ‘real world’ or what qualifies as ‘real work’ is often tied to money. Once, when I was on retreat at Mt. Angel Abbey with a friend, another woman at the guest house was eating at our table and asked: “What do the monks do here?” To which I replied, “They pray.” She laughed and said, “Well I know they pray but what do they do?” I told her that praying is what they do. Their prayer is not an aside or something done in between more important things. Reflecting on that conversation I found that the problem lies in the question that often comes my way, ‘what do you do for a living?’

My spiritual director is fond of saying, “I pray and serve others to live. And I go to a job to earn money.” St. Benedict says “Ora et labora” – pray and work. St. Paul says if one is “unwilling to work, neither should that one eat” (2 Thessalonians 3:10). And while work and money are important, we must never forget that it is God who gives life and who has the power to take it away (Job 1:21; Samuel 2:6; Deuteronomy 32:39).

What Does Busy Mean?

But this article is not about work nor is it about money. It is more about the world and views on what being busy means. There is a false idea that doing more work or being busy adds to the value of the person. There seems to be an unspoken understanding that ‘down time’ is a luxury and not a necessity.

Time has become something that one must manage. This problem has become so intense that one can often find a course or seminar on the subject. There are vast articles and workshops dedicated to this as well as a new term that has developed, ‘time poverty.’ There are many reasons for this phenomenon and many solutions proposed, however, as can be expected in the world today, very few of these solutions include stopping and resting in God.

Rest

The term ‘there is no rest for the wicked’ has become almost a badge of honor. It’s a term used to boast about how busy we all are. The roots of this phrase come from the Book of Isaiah “There is no peace for the wicked, says the Lord” (Isaiah 48:22) …“But the wicked are like the tossing sea which cannot be still, its waters cast up mire and mud. There is no peace for the wicked! says my God” (Isaiah 57:20-21). The truth of this is that when I am disturbed or without peace, I am further from God. I can find no rest. I am tired, irritable, and often unhappy with my life.

Peace and rest are easily interchanged. And it is only with peace that one may find rest. Saint Augustine says in his Confessions, “Our heart is restless until it rests in you, my Lord.” So how to find this peace and rest in this busy world?

The call of the Christian is to be ‘in’ the world not ‘of’ the world. The world glamorizes busy, busy, busy… coffee, coffee, coffee… take out, convenience, quicker is better, and of course my all-time favorite, you can sleep when you’re dead. This is the first problem. Long was I under the impression that if I only worked harder, stayed up later, got up earlier, I could get more done.

One morning while praying the Divine Office the word of God leapt from the page, settling in the center of my being with a truth that still wells up in me when the words of the proverbial rabbit “No time to say ‘hello, goodbye’, I’m late, I’m late, I’m late!” ring loudly in my head and I become like Alice rushing headlong, blindly, down the hole after him. So clearly was it written and so loudly was it said that I could no longer be blind to the foolishness of my idea that if I just prayed real fast, showered real fast, ate real fast, slept real fast, I’d have more time for getting the endless list of things done… I’d be successful. But Psalmist said:

Unless the Lord build the house,
they labor in vain who build.
Unless the Lord guard the city,
in vain does the guard keep watch.
It is vain for you to rise early
and put off your rest at night,
To eat bread earned by hard toil –
all this God gives to his beloved in sleep (Psalms 127: 1-2).

The foolishness of my beliefs became clear. It is God that gives “success to the work of our hands” (Psalm 90:17).

The more I meditated on this the more clearly I could see that being busy was not really the problem. There are times in life when that is just how it is. Work is not the problem nor is money. Money is NOT the root of all evil, LOVE of money is the root of all evil. (1 Timothy 6:10).

The problem is my reaction to the busy times. The worry and stress that accompanies it. There is an unspoken belief today that if one does not worry or is not stressed then one simply does not care or is irresponsible. If someone asks, “What are you going to do about that?” ‘That’ being any type of problem you might have, and you answer, “Well, I don’t know. That’s really not my business. I’m sure God will take care of it.” People look at you like you’re some kind of lunatic.

But Jesus says:

Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat [or drink], or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds in the sky; they do not sow or reap, they gather nothing into barns, yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are not you more important than they? Can any of you by worrying add a single moment to your life-span? (Matthew 6:25-27).

As I write this, I can hear the objections. I’ve heard them before. And simply put, yes, we must work and pay bills and raise children and take care of loved ones who are ill, but why must we worry or be filled with stress over it? Worry and stress add nothing to the situation and only block us further from the power that flows to us when connected with God.

The problem is never what I think it is. It is never in the details. A friend of mine is fond of saying, “I don’t have problems. God has problems.” My only problem is the anxiety and fear that blocks me off from God. The proper use of my will is not to try harder at whatever I am doing, it is only to seek God. When I am upset or anxious my first reaction should be to calm the disturbance. For as Peter says:

humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that he may exalt you in due time. Cast all your worries upon him because he cares for you. Be sober and vigilant. Your opponent the devil is prowling around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, solid in your faith (1 Peter 5: 6-9).

Anxiety and fear are the enemy. I must seek to add to God’s world and not get lost in worry, anxiety, and fear.

I have tried several times to end this article. Writing and rewriting because there is so much to say about this topic. But perhaps I will end with the words of a saint because in all actuality it could not be said better.

Let nothing disturb you,
Let nothing frighten you,
All things are passing away:
God never changes.
Patience obtains all things
whoever has God lacks nothing;
God alone suffices.
Amen (St. Teresa of Alvila).