Musings on Saint Thomas the Apostle

Recently I transitioned to new ministries.  In the process of unpacking, setting up my cell and becoming familiar with my new ministerial responsibilities, I am reflecting on many things, particularly my own faith journey.  What has brought me to this point?

During this past month, my reflections brought me back to memories from college. The memories of my Catholic Campus Ministry Center are filling me with prayer.  What kind of prayers?  Prayers of gratitude for those ministers who helped me to return to a Church I was baptized into as a baby but a Church I never knew.

One of the many reasons I am grateful for them is the patience they showed me.  I was a man of questions.  I was always seeking, and I can only imagine how trying I was with my questions.  It was my act of questioning, however, that brought me to the saint I would call upon when I was confirmed.  The saint?  The Apostle we all describe as a questioner – Doubting Thomas himself!

Not only a doubter

Now, I must admit that I am loathe to call him “doubting” Thomas.  I much prefer calling him Thomas the bold, the questioner, the stalwart, or the confessor.  But I resign myself to the reality that he will always be thought of as a doubter, and, in some ways, rightly so.

Labels may help us to understand someone, but they can also perpetuate ignorance of them.  The man we know as Doubting Thomas was more than a man who doubted the Resurrection of Jesus.  Thomas was bold, willing to embrace danger with Jesus during His ministry (John 11:16).  He was a man who asked the large questions to understand Jesus better (John 14:5) and was a man of fraternity willing to stay with the other apostles in times of hardship (John 20:26-27).  Finally, he was a man willing to confess openly who Jesus is (John 20:28).

The Gospel of John conveys the deep and rich complexity of this man known as Thomas.  Why? Because the human heart is complex, and Christ makes the beauty of His providence known through it. Reducing Thomas to nothing more than a man of doubt does an injustice to him.

Being a twin

Thomas is also called “the Twin” twice in the Gospel of John (John 11:16 and 20:24).  The bible does not tells us who his sibling was, but the concept of twinning is still an interesting one for us to see lived out in the life of Thomas. Twins have represented dichotomy and rivalry throughout human history. Look at stories like the founding of Rome.  Twins in ruling positions are always quite a dangerous thing because they can tear a kingdom apart.

In a certain way, the dichotomy can be seen in the spiritual life also.  The inner division that can arise in a disciple is a powerful and dangerous thing.  Thomas, at one point of the Gospel of John, is willing to die with Jesus, but at another point he will not believe in Him.  One person is capable of these two extreme points as if two opposing twins exist inside the person.

Let none of us ever think we are not susceptible to that form of inner strife.  Each human heart can have these different twin-like polls that balance existence in the world.  The human heart can be like Abel the Just, and it can easily succumb to the wrath of Cain the Murderer.  Our hearts can be zealous to the point of death with Christ or embrace the protection that mere rational certainty may provide us through our experiences.  The life of Thomas offers us a means of respecting and reflecting on the profound nature of the human heart.

Being aware of fear

Fear can feed our desire for certainty.  Is that a bad thing?  It depends.  It can be a negative thing when that desire for certainty is rooted in a need for control.  We are the beloved of God, and He will respond to us, but we can never have control over Him.  St. John reminds us in his first letter:

There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear; for fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not reached perfection in love. (1 John 4:18)

Perfection for the Christian does not mean we want to control God but to reside with Him.  The doubt of Thomas comes from a fear of “what if it is true?”  He knew who Jesus was and who his God was, but if Jesus rose from the dead, then the certainty Thomas had, and the control it offered him, would be torn asunder.

The unknown can be quite a fear-inducing state.  Again, the life of St. Thomas reminds us of the need to become aware of the role and the place of fear in our lives.  How does it control us? How is it growing in us?  Finally, what are we to do about it?  That latter question is where St. Thomas provides a remedy for us.

Being with others

What are we to do about our fear?  St. Thomas shows us a remedy by his willingness to remain with the other apostles.  He was away when Christ came the first time to the Upper Room, but after eight days Thomas was found with the other apostles.  In other words, he did not allow his fear to lead him into separation.  The fraternity he shared with the other apostles was a remedy that strengthened his heart against his fear.

Love is always a communitarian act.  Even individually we can only love ourselves as we are meant to be loved via our relationship with Christ.  Even though Thomas struggled against the witness of his fellow apostles, there was something about residing with them that kept him from fleeing away into the isolating tendency of fear.

Thus, it was with them that his heart received the Resurrected Christ.  Recall, Thomas received the peace of Christ before he made his profession of faith.  Even in our dark moments of fear, if we remain with our communities of faith, Christ’s peace is still offered to us.

Being what we profess

St. John never really tells us clearly whether Thomas touched the wounds or placed his fingers into the side of Christ.  Many artists have depicted that scene, but the text leaves the action of Thomas ambiguous and instead focuses on the Apostle’s sincere profession of faith: “My Lord and My God”. Whether Thomas touched Christ or not, it is those words that have nourished and built up the Church for over 2000 years.

However, his profession of faith would not mean much to us unless he put it into action.  As the tradition of the Church teaches, Thomas lived out that profession as a missionary to a place we now call India where he was martyred for Christ.  Again, I think St. John is showing us something of the spirit of Thomas when he wrote “… let us love, not in word or speech, but in truth and action” (1 John 3:18).  Like Thomas, do our professions of faith shape the way we live our lives in the world?  Pondering over the person of Thomas may aid us to evaluate whether we are living a life that has Jesus as our Lord and God as its foundation.

Conclusion

Saints like Thomas the Apostle help us to see the true beauty of diversity that exists in lives rooted in Christ.  Christ is the source of unity that makes the beauty of the garden of saints possible.  All the saints are different in unique ways, but all of them are identical in their need to be rooted in Christ.  The only reason their beauty exists is because of Christ.  Living lives rooted in Christ makes it possible to see the beauty of the saints while also revealing our beauty.

Hence, merely seeing a saint through labels, like we do with Thomas, makes us colorblind in a way that keeps us from seeing the true beauty of God.  Remember, God has the “… salve to anoint your eyes so that you may see” (Revelation 3:18).  God may offer us that salve through His saints in our lives.

The splendor of the rose and the whiteness of the lily do not rob the little violet of its scent nor the daisy of its simple charm. If every tiny flower wanted to be a rose, spring would lose its loveliness. ~ St. Therese of Lisieux