Love is an Emotion that Should Also be a Virtue

Recently at Sunday Mass, the second reading was from 1 Corinthians 13 – the famous “wedding reading.”

St. Paul tells us:

“If I speak in human and angelic tongues but do not have love, I am a resounding gong or a clashing cymbal.  And if I have the gift of prophecy and comprehend all mysteries and all knowledge; if I have all faith so as to move mountains but do not have love, I am nothing.  If I give away everything I own, and if I hand my body over so that I may boast but do not have love, I gain nothing” [verses 1-3].

Moving from the principle of love to its specifics, St. Paul goes on to describe love:

“Love is patient, love is kind. It is not jealous, [love] is not pompous, it is not inflated, it is not rude, it does not seek its own interests, it is not quick-tempered, it does not brood over injury, it does not rejoice over wrongdoing but rejoices with the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things” [verses 4-7].

Reading the first part of the passage always makes me smile. When reading this to my young kids, I described a gong and its loud noise. I also tried to answer their questions about God knowing everything and choosing to create each of them out of love. But having this conversation with them made me recall the many homilies on love I’ve heard that usually stay at the level of platitudes.

Love is Hard

Later that day when talking with my wife about this, our conversation focused on the second part of the passage, rather than the first.  We agreed that love is hard!

St. Paul offers two positive definitions – that love is patient and kind – and the rest are definitions by negation. But I do not think St. Paul was trying to harp on this to his audience. After living a few decades and being married for one of them, I think St. Paul was simply shining a light on the common pitfalls in love.

The problem with the pitfalls is how easily we can justify things while still maintaining that we are loving people. These pitfalls can be subtle or glaring, and there are probably as many variations as people.

• Jealousy (why do I not have the gifts that that guy has?);
• Boastfulness (it does not count as boasting if it is on social media!);
• Insisting on our own way (if I do not take care of me, who will?);
• Irritability (don’t blame me if you said something stupid!);
• Resentfulness (can you believe what so and so did to me two weeks ago?).

And the list could go on much longer than that.

St. Paul both extolled the ideal of love and reminded us of the effort it takes.

Missing the Mark

One of my faults is being too quick to criticize a homily or a talk. Yet on the subject of love, I’ve heard far too many homilies and talks that stay on the ideological level of love. That is, they focus on verses one through three and not the verses four through seven. Both sections have their place, of course, but I think they need each other.

The ideal (verses one through three) without the practical difficulties (verses four through seven) can be inspiring but potentially bland fluff. The practical difficulties without the ideal can be a good exhortation but without heart. Why then, do so many homilies and talks on love seem so vapid?

I recently read a great book that helped sort this difficulty out: Man Your Post, by Duane & Carrie Daunt. Each chapter is from a different author on an aspect of St. Joseph’s leadership. Fr. Justin Brady noted that a barrier in appreciating St. Joseph is a lack of understanding of virtue. “A virtuous person chooses to direct their interior and exterior life toward the good,” wrote Fr. Brady (pg. 149).  This is a conscious rather than being a repressive effort.

When I read this a light bulb turned on! Love has ceased to be seen as a virtue. When we remove love from this context, its direction can be easily lost.

The Preeminent Theological Virtue

Why does it help to talk about love as a virtue, and more specifically, a theological virtue? St. Thomas Aquinas tells us why.  He said that “virtue denotes a certain perfection of a power” and that it is a “habit always referred to the good” (Summa Theologiae I-II, q. 55, a. 1 & 4).

Therefore, discussing love as a virtue places it in the realm of something that needs perfecting. This fits with 1 Corinthians 13 and why St. Paul included the practical exhortations after speaking on the beauty of love. The human experience only confirms what the Holy Spirit and the saints teach us. To truly be love, actions have to be ordered to the good. Plus, it takes a lot of work and the building of good habits.

There is even more to love, however, as it is the greatest of the theological virtues. The great Fr. John Hardon comments on the Angelic Doctor’s treatment of theological virtues:

“Theological virtues supply for the mind and will what neither faculty has of itself, namely, the salutary knowledge, desire and love of God and of his will… These virtues make us well adjusted to our last end, which is God himself; hence they are called theological, because they not only go out to God – as all virtue worthy of the name must do but they also reach him” [The Meaning of Virtue in St. Thomas Aquinas].

In Brief

Jesus’ teachings on love set a high bar: we are to love our enemies (Matthew 5:44), love others as He loves us (John 15:12), and be perfect as our Father is perfect (Matthew 5:48). All of these things require grace, habituation, and continual practice. Without love, we are nothing.  With love, not only will we be patient, kind, and better able to bear all things, we will see God Himself.