Lessons from Jesus’ Closest Friends

We all may have encountered several Marys, Marthas and Lazaruses in our lives. The biblical account of Jesus’ visit to Bethany to three of His closest friends speaks somehow of their personalities, temperaments, and dispositions. While Mary was the contemplative and Martha was the activist. Lazarus may be described as the “passivist” of the family.

A Tale of Family Traits

In the home where I grew up, two of my siblings and I have in some way resembled the traits of these characters. I’d say I could be more of a Martha – the one who is busy doing all the work in the house, running important errands, immersed in everything that needs to be done.

I’ve always been the impatient one – the person who wants everything done yesterday. Not that I have no time for prayer, but most of my waking hours are spent doing just that – work, work, work. Sometimes, I can’t even overcome my penchant for complaining and whining!

The Family’s “Contemplative”

My younger sister – Lulu – I’d call the Mary in our family. She’s the one who has the time to go to daily Mass, devotions to the Sacred Heart, novenas to Our Mother of Perpetual Help, and so on. Sometimes, she’d go out of town to visit the Pink Sisters in their convent in Tagaytay City not far from the heart of Manila. She’s the one you’d see praying the Rosary during odd hours after lunchtime and in the wee hours of the morning.

It’s not that she does nothing around the house. Of course she would help out, but the bulk of the housework would fall on my frail shoulders. Before she migrated to the US in 2007 and got married, she was holding a job as a psychometrician in a Catholic girls’ school. Whenever she’d come home, she’d lie on the sofa in the living room (not knowing when she’d get up), tired after a day’s work (perhaps meditating), and take a nap until dinner was served. No worries about what to eat for dinner as my mom and I would take care of it, ready to beckon her to sit at table.

Important Lesson from our Family’s “Lazarus”

Then there’s the Lazarus in our family – an elder brother of mine, Lino – a man of few words, literally. A calm, patient man who would just smile and grin while everyone else would be laughing boisterously at a funny joke. He’s the type who won’t gossip about anybody. If you were to hear nasty things about a neighbor, a relative, or a family friend, you wouldn’t hear them from him.

He was an electronics engineer by profession some thirty-eight years ago, but he stopped working after unfortunate circumstances at his place of work got the better of him.

From then on, he was content doing odd jobs and carpentry work in the house. (And he does excellent carpentry!) Later, Lino became the assistant of another elder brother, Luis (a veterinarian) who put up a veterinary clinic and ran it for more than twenty years until we lost Luis to Covid-19 last April.

Lessons Learned

I’d say I’ve learned more lessons from our family’s Lazarus than from any one else. For many, many years, Lino put up with all the cleaning chores in the clinic and at home, running all the errands. Most of the time, he had to endure a mouthful from my other brother who had a temper.

After the latter passed away, he soon found himself as the primary caregiver of our 89-year-old mom who has Alzheimer’s and is quite incapacitated. (I would visit and help out only once or twice a week as I live very far from our old home.)

I know I’ve done my share in taking care of my mother – meeting all her basic necessities – but Lino has done far more than one can imagine. And the most important lesson I’ve learned from him is that he has never complained or whined!

His mindfulness, that is, his ability to live in the present moment and to control his reactions, has perhaps enabled him to do what needs to be done at home caring for a woman with dementia – a loved one who can’t follow the thread of your conversations, a person who lives in another world. But Lino has embraced it all!

Without him, I couldn’t possibly take care of my mother. I’d need two other caregivers just to help my mom sit up. I’ve discovered the Lazarus in our family actually has more strongly resembled the personality traits of Martha!

Balancing all the Good

Christians ought to have the characteristics of all three siblings: Mary, Martha, and Lazarus.  They need to be men and women of action, of course, but they should likewise have a profound prayer life, embracing their mission with faith and more importantly, without complaints.

Perhaps, it would help us interiorize this by taking to heart this excerpt from the poem “Forgive Me When I Whine” by Bruno Hagspiel:

Today, upon a bus, I saw a lovely girl with golden hair.
I envied her. She seemed so gay, and wished I was as fair.
When suddenly she rose to leave, I saw her hobble down the aisle.
She had one leg and wore a crutch.
But as she passed, a smile.
O God, forgive me when I whine.
I have two legs. The world is mine!