Jiu-Jitsu with Jesus

Midlife crises can be downright stupid. Mine came in the form of an inspiration to try jiu-jitsu for the summer. I’m 47.

Everything started out great. My buddy up the street recently earned his purple belt and is now qualified to teach. I talked to him about it, and he loved the idea. We agreed to meet before sunup a couple days a week for lessons. He would throw some mats down on the floor of his barn and teach me for about an hour.

We’re both big guys, over six feet and around 200 lbs. You might think that we’d be evenly matched, but you’d be wrong. He tossed me around like I was a middle schooler. Training makes all the difference. He’s also super fit. He crushed me into the ground the way my 2-year-old daughter smashes her playdough.

A New Kind of Midlife Crisis

Then I wrecked my back. By wrecked, I mean that the day after one session, I had trouble getting out of bed. I’m not sure what exactly happened, but the pain was so bad that I could barely pick up my 2-year-old daughter.

I went to the doctor and got a referral to see a physical therapist. I’m pretty sure that physical therapy as a profession arose from the medieval art of torture. They bend you and twist you around, all the while asking, “How does this feel?” If you say, “OW!” their eyes light up and they begin pressing into the pain. Then they start smashing the painful spot like the previously mentioned playdough to see if they can loosen it up.

My PT found the sore spot, which turned out to be the hamstring of my left leg and the hip flexors on both sides. He gave me some exercises to help loosen the muscles.

The good news is that the lower back pain largely went away. The bad news was that my left leg started to hurt so badly that I went to the ER. I thought I had a blood clot. Our family was planning to leave later that day on a trip to the beach for a final summer vacation, and the last thing I wanted to do was stroke out during the four-hour car ride to Jekyll Island. Thankfully, the ultrasound showed that my veins were clear.

Unfortunately, it revealed something that I should have known all along. I’m getting old. The ER doc told me that it was sciatica and to find some stretches online to complement the muscle relaxers and lidocaine patches she prescribed. That got me through vacation, although I hobbled around like an old man. My wife took some beautiful long walks on the beach – by herself.

At my PT appointment the next week, my physical therapist helped me diagnose my problem more precisely. I pinched my S1 nerve in my spine, which shoots pain down the outside of my left leg and into my left foot, which tingles and has lost both strength and sensation. I’m praying that there’s a non-surgical solution, and thank the Lord, the exercises he gave me seem to be working.

Suffering Isn’t the End of the Story

While at the beach, I had plenty of time to sit and pray, “God, what is this all about?” Immobility aids contemplation. The scripture that came to mind was the story of Jacob wrestling the angel. He wrestled all night, and when morning came, the angel struck him on the hip and gave him a permanent limp.

Did the pain cause Jacob to let go? No! He clung to his adversary and demanded a blessing. The angel responded by asking his name. When Jacob told him, the angel said, “You shall no longer be named Jacob, but Israel, because you have contended with divine and human beings and have prevailed.” Gen 32:29

This nocturnal wrestling match was a major turning point in Jacob’s life. The gift of his new name resonates nearly 4,000 years later. There’s still a country and a people named after him. Suffering can be profoundly fruitful.

Here Comes the Sun

There’s a strain of thought that says, “If God is omniscient and omnipotent and good, then nothing bad should ever happen to anybody.” It’s one of the principal arguments of the New Atheists. But it misses something profound in the teachings of Jesus: the fruitfulness of suffering.

In the parable of the Sower and the Seed, Jesus describes four sets of circumstances relating to the seed that is sown. In one of the four examples, He depicts seed falling on rocky ground. The seed shoots up quickly, but then the sun comes out. Because the plant has no roots, the sun causes the plant to wither and die.

When Jesus unpacks this parable, He explains that the seed that falls on rocky ground represents a person who receives the Word of God with great joy, but then some trial or persecution comes, and the seedling withers because it is not deeply rooted.

Notice something. The figure that Jesus uses for suffering is the sun. What do plants need to grow? Sunlight. What comes up day after day? The sun. What shines on all plants the world over? The sun. Suffering is sunlight to Christian growth.

Suffering is not an obstacle to my growth in holiness; it is the way of perfection. There’s a reason that Jesus told me to take up my cross daily, when the cross was known to his first century audience as a particularly gruesome instrument of torture. He was saying precisely that I must suffer the way He suffered to become like Him.

I’m the Dirt

In this parable, the dirt represents the state of my heart. It’s important to point out that suffering isn’t universally fruitful. The same sun of suffering falls on the path, the rocky ground, the weed-infested ground, and the good soil. Only one of the four produces any fruit.

If I’m like the path and don’t let the Word penetrate because I lack understanding, then the sun will just bake my heart even harder and make it more impenetrable. Suffering in a heart that lacks understanding just bakes the ground and the seed before the demons snatch the Word away. For an example of this phenomenon, look no further than Pharaoh during the ten plagues in the book of Exodus.

Suffering can also cause sins to multiply. For some reason known only to the Creator, weeds seem to grow more quickly and aggressively than fruit-bearing plants. Sin is just like that, if it’s not rooted out when it’s little. Sunlight that is profitable for the wheat is doubly so for the weeds. The kudzu-drenched Georgia countryside testifies to that fact of nature.

My heart needs to be open to the Word and not ignorant or unbelieving. The garden of my soul must be carefully weeded to guard against thorny sins. The soil of my inner self must be tilled to remove the rocks that prevent my receiving the Word deeply. Only then will the Word find the rich soil that it needs to produce thirty, sixty, and one hundred fold – with the help of suffering.

I also want to point out that I don’t need to seek out suffering. Like the sun, it finds me where I am. Self-harm is a grave disorder and should be treated gently, carefully, and immediately.

Hold On Until the End.

So here I am, sitting under the sun of suffering. Even though I’ve taken my last jiu-jitsu lesson ever, I get to carry the pain of my injury for an indeterminate amount of time. But I can’t let go. God’s purpose in this suffering is not to simply cause me pain. That would be evil, and God is good and He loves me. The purpose of the suffering is to enable me to bear good fruit – for Christ to bear good fruit in me.

I don’t know what that fruit is going to be. Maybe God will give me a new name. I’m pretty sure I’ll never get a purple belt. But I have to continue to grapple with Him until He is finished with His work. He hasn’t answered yet.

Like Jacob wrestling the angel, I have to hold onto God and ask Him for His blessing.  Thanks to the relationship I’ve cultivated with the Lord over the years, the suffering doesn’t cause my relationship with Him to wilt or shrivel away. Instead, like the wheat in the parable, it helps me reach up to the heavens. The fruit will come in due time.