How to Be a Good Father

Throughout history the male has been the spiritual head of the family. And as the family faith leader, the fundamental action for a Catholic husband/dad to accomplish is to get his family to Mass every week.

“The Sunday Eucharist is the foundation and confirmation of all Christian practice”  (“Catechism of the Catholic Church” 2181). Regrettably, only a minority of Catholic families these days attend Sunday Mass.  (Per Canon Law 1248 “Sunday Mass” includes Mass on “the evening of the preceding day.”)

Sadly, every national survey – from the Survey Center on American Life to the CARA (Center for Applied Research in the Apostolate) – reveals that a majority of Catholic-identifying families in the United States either never go to church or attend only a few times a year.

It appears that the average Catholic family places attending Mass as never higher than the third or fourth priority on its weekend calendar. Going to church seems to fall somewhere below participating in sports tournaments, Saturday night slumber parties, Sunday morning NFL game-watching, and sleeping-in.

Not Just on Christmas and Easter

Regrettably, many of today’s Catholic are ignorant of the precept of the Church regarding Mass attendance. (A precept is a minimum requirement for a baptized Catholic to fulfill to be able to truly consider oneself a Catholic. The five precepts of the Church are in the Catechism, 2041-2043.)

The specific requirement about church attendance is that Catholics must attend Mass on Sundays and on Holy Days of Obligation.  The six Holy Days of Obligation are:

1. January 1: The Feast of Mary, the Mother of God
2. Forty days after Easter Sunday: Ascension Thursday (which some dioceses in the United States transfer to the following Sunday of that week instead)
3. August 15: Assumption of Mary into Heaven
4. November 1: All Saints’ Day
5. December 8: The Feast of the Immaculate Conception
6. December 25: Christmas, the Nativity of Our Lord

Add these Holy Days to the 52 Sundays, and a faithful Catholic should be attending Mass at least 58 times a year.

Upon hearing this number, many of today’s Catholic parents will most likely respond in exasperation. “You want me to get my kids to Mass on six Holy Days in addition to every single Sunday?! I’m lucky to get them to a grand total of six ordinary Masses all year!”

Setting Priorities and Keeping Commitments

As a busy parent, it often comes down to setting priorities and keeping commitments to the things you value most. Going to church on the weekend as a family is just that – a priority and a commitment. When you baptized your children, you committed to raise them in the faith. You can’t say you’re raising your kids Catholic if you fail the most fundamental requirement of being Catholic – attending Sunday Mass.

Going to Mass should be the most important thing that a Catholic family does together all week. Many children make a commitment to get to sports practices or to practice their musical instrument throughout the week. Many parents make a commitment to drive their children to and from those practices.  They also often commit or to getting themselves to the gym each day for their workouts.

In comparison, attending Mass once a week for one hour should not be a difficult commitment for family members to make. Going to church as a family is good for everyone’s soul.  It also models to the kids what a life of commitment is about. If a Catholic – adult or child – cannot keep a simple commitment to attend Mass one hour a week, how can you trust that such a person will keep other more complex commitments?

The Father Is the Key Factor

This expectation to get oneself and one’s kids to Mass is most vital for dads. The results of a Switzerland study of all religious denominations revealed how vital it is.  The study showed that a father’s actions are vital in raising his youngsters to grow up and continue practicing their faith as adults. Some of the remarkable findings in the study included:

• If the father is totally non-practicing in faith with only the mother regularly attending church services, only 2% of their children will become consistent worshipers in the future;
• If the father is irregular and mother regular in church attendance, only 3% of the children in these families will subsequently become regular attendees themselves as adults;
• If both father and mother attend church services regularly, 33% of children raised in these households will end up as consistent churchgoers as they age;
• If the father is the consistent churchgoer, and the mother is either irregular in attendance or totally non-practicing, 44% of children raised in these types of households will regularly attend church as they mature.

The results of this study may seem counter-intuitive. One would think that if the kids grow up in a home where both parents regularly attend church that would be the best chance of those kids becoming churchgoers later in life. But these numbers are showing that dad is the strongest inspiration to the kids. When they see dad take the lead and show passion about being a Christian, without mom’s influence or involvement, it makes an impression. This study certainly reinforces the essential role of a family’s father as the spiritual leader.

Pope Leo XIII, in his encyclical Rerum Novarum, said, “A family, no less than a State, is, as we have said, a true society, governed by an authority peculiar to itself, that is to say, by the authority of the father.”

Dads Are the Spiritual Leaders

We know children tend to take many cues about life from their moms. But it appears when it comes to faith-life, dad’s serious faith in God best conveys the message of the importance of getting to church. The above statistics convey a clear lesson. A dad should not desire to be seen by his kids as the cool, casual parent of the household who lets everyone off the hook to sleep in and miss Mass. The goal of a Catholic father should be to be seen as the faithful, committed dad who is the first out the door each Sunday morning, honking the car horn to tell the family to hurry up.

Moms are wonderful. As my own life story of growing up without a dad showed, my widowed mom’s modeling of weekly Mass attendance had a big impact on why I kept attending throughout my lifetime. But perhaps I was an anomaly.

If fathers like to play the percentages, and want their kids to have the best chance of being faithful Catholics when they are raising their own families, these men would be smart to make sure they are modeling faithfulness. The fundamental way to model this is by going to church regularly. And as the Catholic precepts state, regularly equates to every single weekend (with a dispensation due to illness or extreme circumstances).

Pick a Mass, Any Mass

What’s nice about the Catholic Church is parishes schedule a variety of Sunday Mass times. Plus, there are usually a number of Catholic churches within a reasonable driving distance. So, no matter a family’s busy schedule, there is always a way to fit attending Mass on one’s weekend calendar.

Many non-denominational mega-churches and other Protestant churches have only one service each Sunday. Most Catholic churches, however, have a Saturday evening vigil Mass and at least two Sunday morning Masses from which to choose. Some even hold Masses on Sunday afternoons or evenings. As such, a family calendar noting an all-day Sunday sports tournament or a classmate’s Saturday night slumber party is not a big deal. Chances are a family can still find a Mass to attend that doesn’t conflict with events like these.

Clearing out an hour in his family’s weekend calendar and literally and figuratively being in the driver’s seat on the way to Mass should be priority number one on a dad’s weekly task list. His kids will grow up realizing that going to church every Saturday or Sunday is the most important commitment to keep. When they become parents themselves, they will hopefully carry on the tradition and obligation of treasuring attending Mass highest of all the activities their family does all week.

Fathers are to care for their children as our Father in heaven cares for us.