As a convert to the Roman Catholic Church, I can say that the Church and her teachings have played an important role in my daily life. Since my conversion, I have become a devout Catholic, developing a rich prayer life and a deep enthusiasm for the Church—her history, her teachings, and her charitable works carried out across the world for the glory of our Lord.
I had once believed that converting to the Catholic Church would make my life easier, but that proved not to be the case. To my surprise, Catholics are not exempt from suffering or hardship; they face trials just like everyone else. I had mistakenly assumed that God would shield Catholics from the evils of the world and that perseverance would somehow not be necessary. It did not take long for me to realize that Catholics, too, endure difficulties and moments of deep spiritual struggle—something I came to understand during a particularly turbulent period in my own life.
Divorce is perhaps one of the most painful words in the English language, especially for a devout Catholic who believes deeply in the permanence of marriage. Even hearing the word can stir fear and distress because of the weight it carries. The social stigma, the embarrassment, and the difficult questions from family and friends can feel overwhelming. No one enters marriage expecting it to end this way, yet many people find themselves facing that reality. By its very nature, divorce demands perseverance from all those involved.
I found myself in the unfortunate position of learning that I would be facing a divorce in the spring of 2016. In the months that followed, I was on a virtual roller coaster of emotions as I struggled to navigate this painful reality. I experienced a wide range of feelings—anger, bitterness, confusion, anxiety, and even depression.
I found myself asking: What comes next in my life? What should I do now? Should I pursue dating? What must I do to remain in good standing with the Church? Am I, because of this, in danger of being condemned after death?
These questions weighed heavily on my mind as I grappled with the initial realization that my marriage was coming to an end.
I was thrust into a selfish chapter of my life, focused almost entirely on my own feelings rather than seeking God’s guidance. Perseverance was, unfortunately, not even on my radar at that point. Like many men in similar circumstances, I began to look to unhealthy and misguided solutions to cope with life after divorce. My attendance at Mass declined, my prayer life became nearly nonexistent, and I turned to alcohol to numb my thoughts. I also pursued relationships without any intention of marriage, along with other temptations so readily available in today’s increasingly secular society.
During this time, I felt abandoned by those around me. It seemed as though no one was on my side, and no one truly understood—or cared about—the inner turmoil I was experiencing.
After years of participating in this lifestyle, I realized that living this lifestyle was not for
me. In fact, I would say that I was not actually living, I was just existing. The only question was, how am I going to pull myself out of this despair? Again, persevering was not a priority at this point as I was running from not only accountability but also from God.
I made the life changing decision to return to the Church with an open heart and great enthusiasm. I realized I was going to have to persevere through this and see myself come out on the other side of this divorce a changed man. I reached out to my parish priest and he was instrumental in helping me persevere in this new chapter in my life. I participated in the Sacrament of Reconciliation for the first time in several years. After walking out of the Confessional, I remember feeling extremely peaceful. Never before had I felt a sense of belonging to the Mother Church and Her teachings. I never felt that with the drinking buddies I had previously partied with, none of the women I had pursued in my post divorce life with no serious intentions, and definitely not with anything that society had to offer. The secular world offered me nothing to help me get over this life event that rendered me confused on so
many fronts. The answer all along was the Mother Church. Perseverance was beginning to take hold.
As I walked out of my Church that day, I noticed a stack of books next to the door. Free to parishioners was a book titled “Resisting Happiness” by Matthew Kelly. This would set me on a collision course with faith based books that would continue to allow me to heal and help me persevere. I would go onto to read many other books including Father Benedict Groeschel”s Arise From Darkness: What to do When Life Doesn’t Make Sense. My healing began with reading books such as these.
It is around this time, I felt the arms of our Holy Church around me like I had never felt before.
To continue in my perseverance in healing, I increased my Mass attendance. I set a goal to attend weekly and every Holy Day of Obligation. The Mass exposed me to daily bible readings and homilies that stimulated my thought process on life in general. The teachings in the homily would many times relate to me on a personal level because it often times addresses things which were currently going on in my life at the time. For the first time in years, I felt I was in full communion with the Church.
Perseverance would also bring me to fully utilizing a tool our Protestant friends choose to not use. The Saints. I would find myself asking for the intercession of the saints to guide me through this difficult chapter in my life. For instance, a simple Google search would show me that there was a Novena Prayer to Saint Anne that would aid Catholics in their search for a Godly spouse. I utilized this nine day prayer several times over the years. I also noticed I was leaning on my patron saint, Saint Peter, more than I ever had. Our Lady would also hear me ask for her intercession in asking God for a suitable mate. It is nice to have friends in Heaven.
Persevering after divorce while not easy, is essential in the healing process postdivorce. In an odd way, I am thankful for my divorce. While I now better understand Paul and the thorn in his side better, I am also a better and more devout Catholic because of my divorce. I can honestly say that persevering through the divorce process has brought me in full, total, 100 percent in communion with the Holy Church and Her teachings.
