Your Father knows what you need before you ask him. (Matthew 6:8b)
In this Gospel passage Jesus speaks to us of the Father’s omniscience, His “all knowing” quality. So, if God knows everything, including our needs and what we would pray for, why do we need to ask? As usual, the answer is that we ask because the asking itself is a gift and a grace God wants us to have. In the asking I unite my heart and soul to the One who can supply. But very often, perhaps more often than not, the asking clarifies what I am yearning for, revealing that it is not the right thing. Perhaps I am yearning for someone to change. Perhaps I am yearning for some material goods to remove all of my anxiety. Perhaps I am yearning to be strong where God has intentionally made me weak and dependent on Him. The asking reveals to me, and releases me from, what I think I need. The asking allows God to remind me what I really need: deep union with Him and His Holy and Perfect Will for my life.
Whenever we imagine that we are in control of life – our own or someone else’s – we have fallen prey to the ancient whisper in the Garden: “You shall be like gods.” (Morning Prayer, Magnificat Magazine, June 20, 2019)
It isn’t for me to determine what others will or won’t do, or even what I do or don’t need in my life. Mine is to pray simply, “Your will be done, Lord,” and then to let go and give the problem to Him. I do not have control and I need to stop trying to get it. Mine is to let my day unfold, tending to the duties which proceed from my state in life, then to consult with God when something comes up which disrupts this natural flow. Nine times out of ten His answer will be, “Give it to me and go on with your day. The solution to this problem is on the way.” Trying to solve problems that are not mine to solve is a huge source of anxiety and frustration. What is needed is relinquishing control, which I never had in the first place, to God who has all the power, is my Savior and is my friend.
This is very liberating, but it is not easy, and our minds are like that old garden hose that’s been left out in the yard all winter. Even if we manage to return it to a nice, well-ordered coil, it has a tendency to return to its tangled mess. Our job is not to try to water the world with our tangled mess, but, through times of prayer and union with God, to return our garden hose mind to a well-ordered coil, and water only what God asks us to water.
Not a Temporary Measure
This battle of letting go is not a one-and-done action. It requires me to constantly take my eyes off those flaming problems over yonder that I can’t control, rewind my hose, and water my little plot over here, where God has me stationed. Even in this little work there is a danger in believing I have attained some new perfection. If I do manage, one day, to mind my own business and leave the rest to God, I feel victorious and strong. Before I know it, I am taking on tasks that aren’t mine again because of the peace of this new-found “strength,” which is really just living within the proper confines of my God-given weaknesses.
Being “victorious” in little battles is a reason for praising God, not for taking back control over something I’ve worked so hard to let go of. This little prayerful exchange with God is not a system I work out and execute rigidly in order to survive a problem or crisis. It is a lifestyle of freedom of following His will in the moment to both survive and recover from the struggles of life. Increased strength does not mean increased responsibility. God is still in charge. Increased strength is simply the grace of stamina to ride and enjoy the emotional roller coaster of life, the life He gives, not the one I feel responsible to live.
God is not going to turn all the responsibility for all of the problems back over to me once I “get it right.” It’s God and me, together, all the way. As I relax into this more and more, I am free to deeply pray for that flaming problem over yonder that I can’t and won’t solve myself. In my cooperation with His will, and relinquishing control of what isn’t mine to mess with, I have the presence of mind to receive and enjoy the pleasant moments He provides each day. This is the desire of God’s heart: for me to enjoy the life He has given me to enjoy, to trust Him enough to handle everything that I see and receive the gifts He gives, and to keep watering my little plot, knowing He has a plan for what is beyond my control.
Turning It Over: The “How To”
The best part of letting go of everything beyond our control is that it is simple to do. Note: I did not say easy, I said simple. Big difference. But simple is good for our complicated and complicating minds. So the answer of “how to” turn things over to God, “how to” let go of what’s not yours to handle is prayer. For me that comes in many forms including a daily rosary, the Mass, Morning and Evening prayer, always simply tucking in the request so succinctly written by Servant of God Dolindo Ruotolo, “Oh Jesus I abandon myself to You. You take care of it.” After praying this, the constant work of training my mind away from the problem, onto what God has given me to do today begins. But, with training, it gets easier. Some days are better than others. Practicing an Examen of Consciousness at the end of the day allows God to show me how I am doing with this little work. Through the Examen I see what works and what doesn’t, and always, God encourages me to continue trying.
Letting go is a personal prayer process that will be different for every person who practices it, but will work best when it is naturally folded into your existing prayer life. It’s a slight shift of perspective that changes everything. Who’s in charge? God is. So, pray like it.
Thank You, Blessed Mother
Sometimes even this simple practice is too hard for me. Sometimes I cannot stop my mind from becoming a tangled hose again. It’s engorged with water and I haven’t the strength to budge it. So, I sit down and grab my lifeline, the rosary, and ask, “Mary, help.” The Blessed Mother comes and shuts the water off, releases the pressure, and slowly, gently sets my hose into a nice, tidy coil again. She holds my hand and shows me just where the water needs to go, and reminds me where my spray just can’t reach. She assures me that God, in His own perfect timing, will see to all of it.
Our Lady Undoer of Knots, even those in garden hoses, you desire that your children would trust God entirely in everything, and that we would receive, with joy and humility, the simple and abundant life He gives. Please help us to be relentless in one thing only, remaining in God’s presence, that we might water our little plots and let Him mind all the rest.
15 thoughts on “God Is in Control: Letting Go of What Isn’t Ours”
Thank you!!! I sent your article to my man friend who has
PTSD military Naval Sniper Captain related, Vietnam.
I will pray for him, Sandy. May our dear Lord heal him in every way. God bless both of you!
Thank you for reading ❤️
I just read this, and I am grateful. Right now I really struggle after I broke up with my boyfriend almost 3 years ago. And I can’t let him from my mind and this is really torturing me because I think he already has a girlfriend right now. I’ve been prayed to God about this, but I don’t know maybe I can’t fully surrender of these thought to Him, but I don’t know how to. I don’t want to force things. I want follow His plan. Please help me
Dear Monica,
The Lord hears your prayers and your sorrow. Your desire to let go is a good sign, even if it feels like you aren’t making any progress. Let go of this, too. Sometimes when we feel like we are not progressing God is doing a deeper work of healing that goes beyond what we are praying about.
It’s good that you don’t want to force things. God is gentle with us and we should be gentle with ourselves. All that He asks is that we try. You already recognize that you desire to let go. This is God’s work in your heart.
Now simply try each day to do what God puts before you to do according to your state in life. Work, rest, read, pray as your life permits.
When you have a day where it’s very hard not to dwell on the past, run to our Lord and tell him how much you want to trust His plan for your life, but it’s hard. That’s all. He loves you and is so pleased at each little effort you give Him.
You are doing well. Just keep trying, keep being patient with yourself, keep praying and keep close to our Lord. Spend time in His presence at a Catholic Church if you are able.
I will pray for you.
God bless you,
Suellen
Suellen,
It’s been over a year since you wrote this and commented to fellow readers; I apologize for lifting up an old post.
Thank you so much for your candidness and allowance of the Holy Spirit to move you to write AND post this.
Please pray that I learn to hand all over to God and that Jesus shields my family and I.
Thank you and God bless you!
God bless you and your family, Matt! I will pray!
Suellen
For me is so hard to give up control in respect of my daughters physical appereance ( I know it sounds awful), but Is so hard for me to not nag about what she eats or how she looks, I’ve bern doing some soul searching and I realize it bothers me because. A) I’m afraid she won’t find anyone to share her life. B) probably of what others might think of my mothering c) because issues of my own.
I know rationally that all is dumb and awful. And still I can’t let go….
It doesn’t sound awful, Maria. It sounds honest, and that is the path to freedom; the truth shall set you, and your daughter, free. Letting go is first and foremost a process. You are already in the process because you recognize you are trying to control something that is beyond your control and now, WOW, you are receiving insight as to why you are trying to control. This is grace at work in your beautiful motherly heart. This grace is revealing fear. What is needed, and this is the work of a lifetime, but one we are absolutely called to, is trust. Trust God that your daughter’s vocation and possible spouse is in His hands, not yours. Trust God that He is working on your daughter’s heart and gently nudging her towards all that is right and good for her. Trust God that He loves your daughter even more than you do. And you know, that’s a lot! As to what other people think about your mothering, when I slip into this behavior (ie: daily), I remember a quote from Eleanor Roosevelt, “It’s none of your business what other people think of you.” This reminds me that I am responsible only to God for what I do and don’t do in my life. He alone gives me the proper authorities to obey in my life and that doesn’t usually include “others” in a situation like your daughter’s appearance. Just keep practicing this thought, the letting go, and the grace will come. Finally, your own issues; thank you Lord for the healing graces you are pouring out on Maria. Please help her to be open to them. Help her to know she is your beloved daughter and you love her just exactly as she is, and will finish the good work You have begun in her, unto the perfect day. God is revealing a lot to you, Marian. Thank you for being open to this grace. I will be praying for you and your daughter. Please pray for me, too. He is Risen! 🙂
My daughter tend three grandchildren may have to lose their home because of a pending divorce and I am helpless
O Lord have mercy. Blessed Mother please wrap this family in your mantel and keep them close to your Immaculate Heart.
Rich we are often powerless to help situations in our loved ones lives, but we are not helpless. The very act of letting go into our God’s hands allows His power, His help to come to us in His way and His timing. It is hard to see a child, and grandchildren, suffer. Your love, care and prayers are pure gold for them. Trust, pray and do the “next right thing” that God shows you to do. Whether that be making a pot of soup for them, listening to your daughter tell you about her difficult day, or just playing a game with your grandchildren, your help is priceless. And powerful. I will be praying for you and your family good man.
“Trying to solve problems that are not mine to solve is a huge source of anxiety and frustration. What is needed is relinquishing control…” Part of the problem with me is trying to understand what it is that I need to let go. There are so many issues that I have a difficult time figuring out what is and isn’t my business. Some things are blatantly obvious, such as things about me that I need to fix; but then there are peripheral things that involve me, not necessarily directly, but nonetheless affects me. It is a difficult concept to manage. Sometimes I feel like I need a post-graduate course of life management and staying in my lane.
Yes, frustration! Chris that is a word I’ve been pondering quite a bit lately. Frustration to me is when I feel I am responsible for a problem, but don’t have the authority or the ability to fix it. This feeling is an alarm bell for me to dig deeper and examine whether I am actually responsible or just feel that way. If I’m not, I work on letting go. About 90% of the time this is the case. But if I am responsible to address the problem, I pray and ask God to show me how, and then let go for a bit. Usually the solution comes to me, as I patiently (please, God) wait and trust. Even with the “things about me that I need to fix”, God is still in control of the process. Admitting that need to change is an enormous first step. Next I ask for willingness to allow God to change me. Then He gently shows me the baby steps I should take toward the virtue I’m in need of. Always patience is the key, as well as humility to allow His timing when what I really want is to be fixed now! 🙂
“Sometimes I feel like I need a post-graduate course of life management and staying in my lane.” Love this! Me too!
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Thank you. I needed that.
I’m so glad, Mary!