For the Bride and Groom on the Day of Their Marriage

Summer is traditionally the season of weddings, but it can be easy for the spiritual side of the marriage vocation to be lost in the shuffle of the celebration. To try to highlight the spiritual aspect, here are some reflections on marriage.

Earthly Mirror

Marriage is first and foremost a covenant, and Catholic theologian Dr. Scott Hahn knows something about covenants.  He has written three books on the subject.

Throughout the covenants with Adam, Noah, Moses, and all the way up until the Book of Revelation, God ceaselessly seeks out His Chosen People. There is actually quite a lot of marital imagery in the Bible and it culminates in the wedding feast of the Lamb that begins in Revelation 19.

The point Hahn makes is that God loves us as a bridegroom loves his bride. The love of the divine bridegroom is a completely self-giving love. It is the only way God “can” love.  It is the same love that flows in and through the Holy Trinity. And it is that love that is our blueprint for how we are meant to love each other.

A new husband and wife, amidst all the celebrating, should take a moment to remove their metaphorical shoes. They approach the holy ground of the Trinity; they are taking a step into a great mystery. Their marriage is meant to mirror the love that flows between the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit.

“As the Father loves Me, so I also love you. Remain in my love” [John 15:9].

Goals

I think establishing a trinitarian tone helps in focusing the goals of marriage. A newly-married couple looks ahead to children, a family, jobs, building a home, and all sorts of aspirations. Grounding marriage in the love of the Holy Trinity has two helpful reminders among all the other good things that go along with it.

First, it reminds us that the vocation to marriage has love at its core. It is another seemingly obvious statement, but the key is carrying that love into practical decisions.

• Working extra overtime absent a need may provide well, but does a job love?
• Does the right car love our kids?
• Will a bigger house increase the love in a home?

We all would claim to know the answers to these questions, but love is a daily choice to will the good of one’s spouse and family.

Second, the goal of matrimony is heaven. It is the whole point of Christian living. And Jesus words to His disciples are especially true for husbands:

“Provide money bags for yourselves that do not wear out, an inexhaustible treasure in heaven that no thief can reach nor moth destroy” [Luke 12:33].

Moving Forward Together

Neither a husband nor a wife can exist without the other. A husband is not a husband without a wife, and vice versa. Why is this important?  Each spouse discovers an aspect of their marital vocation only in relationship to the other.

From my father, relatives, and friends, I had a fairly good idea (so I thought) of what it meant to be a husband. Yet it was not until my marriage that I learned what a husband is. Having to be a husband is different than thinking about being a husband.

Whereas our preconceived notion of being a husband or wife is unilateral, living it out is a two-way street.  This inevitably brings some opportunities for growth with it – for both husband and wife. This involves growing together, which can be extremely difficult and extremely fruitful.

“That is why a man leaves his father and mother and clings to his wife, and the two of them become one body” [Genesis 2:24].

Growth and Healing

Both the husband and wife come with wounds, and to think any different is either naïve or negligent. Wounds may come from sin, experiences, our family members, and more. We all have wounds but here’s the good news: Christ can heal them. Once healed through Him, the marriage and the spouses become stronger than they ever were before.

This is not Pollyanna optimism. Healing in Christ is one of the fruits of Our Lord’s Passion:

“He himself bore our sins in his body upon the cross, so that, free from sin, we might live for righteousness. By his wounds you have been healed” [1 Peter 2:24].

Jesus Himself told us to seek Him in this way:

“Come to me, all you who labor and are burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am meek and humble of heart; and you will find rest for yourselves. For my yoke is easy, and my burden light” [Matthew 11:28-30].

Healing larger wounds is tremendously difficult and will take time. In such situations, husbands and wives need to stand next to one another and help shoulder the cross. Struggling through the pain and suffering, however, is more than worth it. It will strengthen the marriage bond and allow the grace of God to transform both spouses.

The Common Thread

The common thread that ties up all these points is the humble seeking of discipleship. All of the things on this list naturally flow from a marriage where both a husband and wife actively seek deeper conversion. The love they seek becomes the love they share with each other, their children, and the world.

As Paul instructed the Ephesians:

“Live in a manner worthy of the call you have received, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another through love, striving to preserve the unity of the spirit through the bond of peace”[Ephesians 4:1-3].

And as he instructed the Colossians:

“Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, heartfelt compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience, bearing with one another and forgiving one another, if one has a grievance against another; as the Lord has forgiven you, so must you also do. And over all these put on love, that is, the bond of perfection. And let the peace of Christ control your hearts, the peace into which you were also called in one body. And be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, as in all wisdom you teach and admonish one another, singing psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God. And whatever you do, in word or in deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him” [Colossians 3:12-17].