Of all the things a human being can be, an ingrate is one of the worst. At least that’s my opinion.
When good things happen to you, when God blesses you, when family, friends, or a business have your back in everything and have treated you well, and you take it all for granted and are not appreciative, not showing your gratitude a terrible human characteristic.
The Gospel writer Luke 17:11-19 tells of Jesus’ encounter with 10 lepers and how ungrateful 9 of the 10 were:
11 As he continued his journey to Jerusalem, he traveled through Samaria and Galilee. 12 As he was entering a village, ten lepers met [him]. They stood at a distance from him 13and raised their voice, saying, “Jesus, Master! Have pity on us!” 14 And when he saw them, he said, “Go show yourselves to the priests.” As they were going, they were cleansed. 15 And one of them, realizing he had been healed, returned, glorifying God in a loud voice 16 and he fell at the feet of Jesus and thanked him. He was a Samaritan. 17 Jesus said in reply, “Ten were cleansed, were they not? Where are the other nine? 18 Has none, but this foreigner returned to give thanks to God?” 19 Then he said to him, “Stand up and go; your faith has saved you.”
The Fishing Charter
I had just finished a very successful fishing charter with six guys. We limited out with striped bass that ranged from 25 pounds to fish in the 40-pound range. In those days, we were allowed two fish per person, including the Captain and the mate, for a total of 16 fish. That was the striped bass norm for a successful charter fishing trip. Today we don’t take that many stripers. Now we take one fish per person, including one each for the Captain and the mate. Anyway, we had so many stripers and other kinds of fish that Bobby, my mate, could not finish filleting them on the ride home.
Once we tied up to the dock, Bobby continued to filet the rest of the fish. In addition to the stripers we also had a mess of bluefish and fluke. It was a very productive day of fishing.
Joe, the guy who booked the trip, started talking to me about going offshore for tuna. I gave him my regular description of what an offshore trip was all about. It entailed leaving earlier in the morning, traveling farther offshore, and needing more time during the day.
I also explained to Joe why an offshore trip cost much more than the inshore trip they had just completed. I told him what the group’s responsibility was in terms of a deposit and the total cost.
Our discussion was amiable, and I felt excellent about securing an offshore trip with Joe and his guys because of the very successful trip we had just completed. The fact that Bobby was still cleaning the fish they had caught was a testament to the trip’s success.
Say What?
Bobby still had more fish to clean, and Joe and his boys were hanging around the dock talking and watching the Bobby filet fish. Joe and a couple of his guys took off down the pier. I didn’t know where they were going. I figured they would walk around the docks or go to the tackle shop or to their trucks. It didn’t matter, and I didn’t pay that much attention.
In a while, Joe and his guys came back to the boat as Bobby was finally finishing up filleting their fish. Joe started to talk to me about a Captain (who I knew) on the other dock. The other Captain told Joe he could take him and his guys offshore for a lot less money! SAY WHAT?
Joe could have hit me in the head with a baseball bat! I don’t know if that would have startled me or hurt me more than what he had just said. His comments shell-shocked me. The word ‘ingrate’ immediately came to mind. The hairs on the back of my neck started to bristle straight up. I was so upset at him that all I could muster up was a meek…”Well, maybe you should give (the other Captain) a try.”
St. Luke doesn’t give us a feel for how Jesus felt when only one of the ten lepers returned to thank him. From my own experience in dealing with ingrates, I can only surmise that Jesus was not too happy. Jesus, speaking to Jews, notes that the leper who returned was a foreigner and a Samaritan to boot. I wonder if the hairs on the back of Jesus’ head bristled.
A Great Day of Fishing, A Lousy Day of Living
I wasn’t going to get into a bartering discussion with Joe or any of his guys. I asked Bobby as he was finishing the filleting to get the boat cleaned up so we could go home. After that I kept silent. I just busied myself with picking up rods, setting them aside so I could wash them all. Then I helped Bobby bag the fish. We passed the bagged filets to Joe and his guys as they put the bags in their coolers. Their coolers were overflowing with filets!
They tipped Bobby and then left, walking down the dock and talking about what a great day they had. I had a great day of fishing, too, but a lousy day of living! It was hard to believe what a bunch of ingrates Joe and some of his guys were.
I wonder? Was Jesus bothered over time by the lack of gratitude displayed by the lepers, or was the event over and done with immediately? My ingrate experience bothered me for quite some time.
Forgive and Forget?
Fast forward a year plus, and Joe calls me. He asks if I remember him and his guys who caught all those stripers, blues, and fluke. I said that I most definitely did remember. He tells me that he and his guys went out offshore with the other Captain and boat last year but didn’t catch anything. It was a bum trip. My reply was, “well, sometimes you get what you pay for.”
That year my price for an 8-hour inshore trip was $600. That was the same price as the year before when Joe and his boys fished with us.
Joe asked me if I had any days available.
I replied, “I do have some excellent days available, especially around the moon, just like your trip last year.”
Joe said, “Great…what’s a trip cost this year?”
I said, “For you, it’s $1,200.”
Joe said incredulously, “For an 8-hour inshore trip?”
I said, “Yes, for you, it’s $1,200.”
Joe said, “Seems like a lot, Cap.”
I said, “Why don’t you call (the other Captain)? You might not catch much, but I’m sure he will take you out for a lot less.”
Joe was silent.
Avoid the Ingrates
I have never heard from Joe again, and quite frankly, I don’t care if I ever do. Customers like that I do not need, nor do I want. Ingrates are some of the worst kinds of humans.
I’m not sure where it comes from, maybe having everything handed to you on a silver platter when growing up or expecting things because you feel you are entitled somehow, I’m not sure. What I am sure of is that being an ingrate is a very ugly human trait.
I do think that Jesus is critical of the nine who do not return to thank God. Then again, the nine lepers were probably so happy to be cleaned and healed that they wanted to hurry back to their former lives; they probably were distracted from thanking God. The parable is not so much about their cleansing or healing, but that only one out of ten returned to thank God.
How often do we get so distracted in our daily lives that we fail to return to God to thank him for all our blessings? We often fail to recognize all the little miracles in our lives that could only happen through divine intervention. How many times do we fail to acknowledge that God is always good and is good in all ways?
Ingrates Not Allowed
The funny thing is if Joe had consented to the $1,200 inshore fee, I most likely would have dropped the price right back down to $600. I would have then had the opportunity to tell him how bummed out I was on his going offshore with the other Captain.
Any inkling from Joe that he regretted his decision and his ingratitude when he was treated so well on my boat would have turned the tide in his favor. But it was not to be.
As far as ingrates are concerned, I would rather avoid such people as Saint Timothy suggests in 2 TIMOTHY 3:1-5. No, thank you, no ingrates allowed!
6 thoughts on “Dealing With an Ingrate Can Be Trying”
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Unfortunately we are all ingrates at the end of the day, as we routinely fail to extend to others the immense mercy God shows to us everyday. Jesus said to forgive them because they know not what they do. I seriously doubt this guy knew what he was doing either.
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I do realize that ingratitude is very trying on our patience and sense of charity, but…this was a business endeavor after all. Shopping around for a good and affordable price is a part of it. I wouldn’t assume that a business owner, “out of gratitude” should cut his usual price for a regular customer. So why should that same customer out of “gratitude” be expected to do anything other than pay his fee (and in this case throw in a tip) and give new business out of loyalty, which if earned usually happens over many encounters over
period of time? Had it been me, I think I would have welcomed the opportunity for repeat business. Who knows, it may well have resulted in recommendations to others to use your services. As it is, forget about that.
Dennis, Your article spoke to me loud and clear. Having dealt with ingrates more than once in my time, I know exactly how you feel. Your article helped me understand that, pardon the pun, I’m not in the boat alone. Thanks . . .
Dear Dennis,
There seems to be a fair amount to unpack here, especially as one who was in sales and the hospitality business for quite some time. Given that, this doesn’t seem like ungratefulness at all but rather, and perhaps, a lack of loyalty by the customer regardless of your prices. I’ve lost many a sale due to uncompetitive prices and worked for plenty of bosses who thought that our customers should be loyal to us regardless of our prices. That is not how the world works, and hasn’t for almost 20 years.
You know as well as we all do that no one wants to pay any more for a product or a service then they have to and if they are going to pay a higher rate, it’s usually due to a lack of market knowledge, immediacy, or exceptionally better customer service (and the relationship from it). That doesn’t happen after only one encounter but it can be ruined forever after only one bad one. So, rather than chalking the experience you described up to ungratefulness, especially since they tipped you and you didn’t hinder you in any way, it would be better to look at that as an opportunity to gain some perspective and be less defensive.
The perspective I’m talking about is the one I mentioned for people pursuing the best deal and the opportunity I’m talking with being less defensive is to have integrity (for pricing) even when you are upset. Doing otherwise is dishonest and a form of retaliation, neither of which we are called to as Christians. The men who charted your services do not owe you their continued business, so be thankful for obtaining it the first time so you can use that experience to hopefully earn their business again in the future.
To many service businesses of all stripes today act like the customers work for them and they are doing us a favor by taking our money and providing us service. Nothing could be further from the truth because it is a mutually beneficial agreement that both parties need to live up to and have no obligation to continue even if they do. Also, plenty of people , like myself, have been taken advantage of many times over for having a far too trusting practice of business loyalty with others. I’m sure you have as well, which means you should be understanding about it and considerate when it might not work in your favor.
I’m sorry you didn’t feel good about having a customer ask you to lower a price to be more competitive with another provider after having such a great day fishing, but so what?! Is it really that foreign of a concept or an unexpected experience for you? It shouldn’t be if you’ve been in any customer service position for a while, because we all do the same in one way or another in order to save money.
The more professional thing to do would’ve been to talk to the customer about it calmly and maturely by putting his needs and desires on par with or above your own. In doing so, you may have been able to come to a compromise where he would have been more than willing to pay more, due to the great day fishing he had with you (and your expertise at finding fish that your implying), but he still may not have been willing to pay as much as you would’ve liked. That is what disciples of the Lord do! They are more than willing to compromise when it doesn’t involve sin, but they don’t double a price out of spite!
Seek the good of the other, and be less concerned about yourself. In other words, be loyal to the Lord even when you don’t believe others are being loyal to you in the same way; specially since you can never expect to receive from anyone what you are unwilling to give of yourself.
Please give what I said some prayerful thought and reflection with the Lord, especially since He wants you to be able to catch men for the Kingdom and not just fish out of the water.
In Christ,
Andrew