Confusion, Contradictions, and Clarity

As we struggle to find our way, it is easy to go astray, especially when we are bombarded with inevitable contradictions of life.  Usually, we do not understand what is happening to us and the only thing we can do is to cling to God in prayer. “Contradictions put us at the foot of the cross and the cross lifts us up to heaven,” says St. Jean Vianney. He was such a simple man but full of faith and wisdom.

Contradictions

I had a close friend who suffered a serious accident. He was a person of faith. Those who knew him were left bewildered that such a faithful soul should not have to suffer so much because they believed God would protect him. Instead, we were left with a mystery. It still is.

Sometimes I get a bit indecisive. It can be a bit unnerving. Once I booked a flight a few times before I finally decided to go. It turned out well in the end, but the planning was difficult. We plan and organize things and then we second guess ourselves. It is an easy thing to do because we let our emotions come into play when it should be exactly the opposite. The trip was a great experience, but I was riddled with self-doubt.

Once I wanted to buy a new car. I walked into the dealership, test drove a car, bought it, and traded in my old one. It was that easy but not everything comes with ease and so quickly. I always go back to the same sentence, ‘Who are you following? Who are you looking at?” In this first letter to the Corinthians 14: 33, St. Paul tells us that God is not the author of confusion.

Confusion

Indecision does not come from God. St. Padre Pio says, “That the devil is capable of confusing the most brilliant mind.” Even the greatest minds fall but it is only through our faith in Christ that we are redeemed.

The Lord does not enjoy watching us suffer but we turn to Him and know that he is our rock, our fortress. When I was experiencing confusion recently; I do what I usually do – ask my friends in the Carmelite cloister about it. They always give me great advice. They reminded me not to carry my burdens alone and that heaven wants to help us, and we need to ask through prayer. There are saints and angels prepared to help us.

Are we prepared to ask with humility? I sat in my boss’ office one day. He is a good friend as well as a boss and he will always give me the best advice. Sometimes, it is important to trust our instincts, but it is also important to seek the counsel of intelligent people. For me, intelligence is important, but it is also true that someone who dishes out advice needs to understand and love your particular destiny.

Searching Clarity

Sometimes, the fog and clouds give way to clear skies at some point. It is not up to us to decide the time. Only through certainty do we know that Christ is leading us. St. Francis of Assisi said, “When I think of the happiness that is in store for me, every sorrow, every pain becomes dear to me.” Tough words to live by it would seem. It sounds a bit cliché, but it is not. It is in these moments of indecision do I realize that I need my silence.

Faith

Many Catholic greats have taught us to stay faithful despite the confusion. St. Augustine explains, “We must understand that God does not always give us what we want but he always gives us what we need for our salvation.” What does this mean for my life? I dream of a bigger house, the stellar vacation, and the adulation from work that I ‘think” I deserve. No! That is not our Catholic faith. It can never be. Our desires and our needs can usually be two different roads. Then, once we reach that fork in the road we need to decide.

For me, the decision is the result of an attraction. It is an attraction to something greater for my destiny. I try to find those who love my destiny and I want to follow that person, but it is not following a person it is following an experience. The experience of Christianity within the Catholic Church has for me only grown over time. It is not a moralistic good and bad faith. It cannot be. It is an experience that Peter, Andrew, and John witnessed when they first met our Lord. I think about that moment and how their hearts burned as it said in scripture.

Would I have even been able to ‘see’ Christ if he walked up to me then or even today? It is this attraction to the experience of Catholicism that has made my decision-making easier. There are so many distractions in our lives. We need to pay bills, repair our cars, and plan but have I made time Christ?

Words from the Wise

St. Padre Pio wisely noted:

The more you are afflicted, the more you ought to rejoice. Because in the fire of tribulation, the soul will become pure gold, worthy to be placed and to shine in the heavenly palace.

There have always been challenges in life. Those will not go away with a flick of a switch although it would be great if they did. Our road to salvation is not paved so easily. It is in this confusion that Christ reminds us how much we are loved. St. Francis Xavier tells us, “If you are in danger. If your hearts are confused. Turn to Mary.” Throughout scripture, psalms and prophets, and evangelists have reminded us to trust in Him, to cast our cares upon Him, and to know that our confidence in His mercy will guide us.

Conclusion

I become afraid sometimes. I wonder if my choices are correct. I wonder about many things. In the end, I realize that I wonder because I do not trust. The road is long, and the journey is arduous, but it is rewarding. When I feel defeated, it is Christ who rejuvenates my soul. It is then that the words of St. Faustina make sense, “Patience, prayer, and silence. These are what give strength to the soul.”