Recently, my grandson approached me with a question regarding forgiveness; it went something like this, “ Danny stole my skateboard. Two days later he returned it, saying that he found it in the street by his house. If I forgive him, is his sin forgiven?”
I thought that this was a pretty good question coming from a twelve year old, and I most certainly wanted to give him an appropriate answer. So, I did. I told him that when we forgive others, we are forgiving the person, but not the person’s sin. However, in my grandson’s mind the sinner and the sin are inseparable. So, I had to make a better distinction, as follows:
Yes, son, you forgive Danny for taking your skateboard, especially since he returned it. When you forgive Danny you pardon him for his offense against you, let go of resentment, anger, and that feeling of wanting to ‘get even.’ Your act of forgiveness is an act of kindness and mercy. This kindness and mercy given to him, returns to you, and by granting him peace, peace is given to you. In the final analysis your act of forgiveness is consistent with loving your neighbor as you love yourself (CCC 2842) , and by granting peace to your neighbor in your heart, that peace is returned to you ten-fold.
However, as far as Danny’s sin of theft is concerned, you cannot forgive his sin because you don’t have the authority or the grace to do so. “Only God can forgive sins because only God can restore grace when grace has been lost” (Catholic Dictionary, by Fr. John A. Hardon, S.J.).
This power to forgive sins has also been given by God to His priests in the Catholic Church when God works through the person of the priest in the sacrament of confession. Looking closely at the Lord’s prayer, we can see that we are asking God to forgive our sins, as we forgive the people who have sinned against us. It does not say, “as we forgive the sins of those who have sinned against us.
Our Father who art in heaven,
hallowed be thy name.
Thy kingdom come,
Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread,
and forgive us our trespasses
as we forgive those who trespass against us,
and lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us from every evil (CCC 2759).
In essence, the Lord’s prayer is saying the same thing, that you forgive the person, and infers that the forgiveness of his sin is a matter between him or her and God.
But here is the catch, and it is essential, unless you forgive those who have sinned against you, —that is, forgive them in your heart–then God will not, absolutely will not, forgive you. The Parable of the Unforgiving Servant clearly demonstrates this major premise: There was a servant who owed his king a very large amount of money. The king was going to send the servant and his family to prison. But the servant asked his master for mercy and promised to repay the debt. Moved with compassion, the master let him go and forgave him the complete loan. Later that same servant summoned one of his servants who owed him a lesser amount and demanded payment. His fellow servant begged him, “ Be patient with me, and I will pay you back”.
But his master refused to listen, refused to grant mercy, and cast the servant into prison. Other servants learning of this harsh treatment reported the incident to the king. The king, in turn, summoned the unforgiving servant and said to him, “You wicked servant! I forgave you your entire debt because you begged me to. Should you not have had pity on your fellow servant, as I had pity on you?” Then in anger, his master handed him over to the torturers until he should pay back the whole debt.” Jesus then concluded the parable by saying, “ So will my heavenly Father do to you, unless each of you forgives his brother from his heart” (Matthew 18: 23- 35, NAB).
So, son before you go to confession, be sure that you have forgiven every person who has sinned against you in any way, and be sure to forgive them from your heart, then you are ready to ask God to forgive your sins. And remember that salvation can be lost, if we fail to extend mercy and forgiveness, to the best of our ability, to those who trespass against us.
The intent of this article is not to reinvent the Lord’s Prayer; that would be heresy. The intent is to shed light on the mystery and meaning of receiving and giving forgiveness. The idea came to me through a conversation with another writer (not my grandson) who reminded that, “ Only God can forgive sins.” This same premise (also a fact of doctrine) is stated in greater detail and clarity in the Catholic Dictionary, written by Fr. John A. Hardin, S. J. The second intention of this article is to remind us that when we are not willing to forgive others, our Lord will not forgive us.
The full quotation from Fr. Harden is as follows:
FORGIVENESS: Pardon or remission of an offense. The Catholic Church believes that sins forgiven are actually removed from the soul (John 20) and not merely covered over by the merits of Christ. Only God can forgive sins, since He alone can restore sanctifying grace to a person who has sinned gravely and thereby lost the state of grace. God forgives sins to the truly repentant either immediately through an act of perfect contrition or mediately through a sacrament. The sacraments primarily directed to the forgiveness of sins are baptism and penance, and secondarily, under certain conditions, also the sacrament of anointing.
12 thoughts on “Can I Forgive Sins?”
To Xavier,
In the Lord’s prayer, we say, “…as we forgive those (people) who trespass against us.”
We forgive the person (or should do so) but not the sin; we cannot forgive the sin.
The offender’s sin remains until he or she repents to God and seeks forgiveness for the sin from God.
What’s that old saying, “Forgive and forget.” It’s very important to forgive and let go of any bitterness or hatred for anyone that has wronged or offended you. Doesn’t it say in the Bible to turn the other cheek if we get slapped on one side. I believe forgiveness is the start of our road to Heaven.
Francisco, thank you for your comment. You said a lot in just a few words, “forgive and forget.” It is what we need to do to properly forgive, even though it can be very difficult sometimes.
I really appreciated this article. Beginning with a child’s question made the message so relatable—it reminded me that faith often becomes clearer through simple and honest questions.
The way you explained the difference between forgiving a person and forgiving their sin gave me a lot to think about. It helped me realize again that forgiving someone doesn’t mean excusing what they did, but choosing to let go of bitterness and trust God with the rest. That perspective was both clear and comforting.
I also found the connection with the Lord’s Prayer especially meaningful. It reminded me how my willingness to forgive others directly shapes my openness to receive God’s forgiveness. That is both a challenge and an encouragement to live forgiveness more sincerely each day.
Thank you for writing this—it was clear, thoughtful, and it left me with a deeper sense of peace and reflection.
That word “brother” has a distinct meaning throughout the New Testament. It means “fellow believer” except in a few places. This is especially true in the Book of Matthew, where Christ twice refers to his disciples as his “brethren”. In the parable that follows, the Servant is punished for failing to forgive his “fellow servant” who has acknowledged his debt and begged for mercy. Jesus then ends by saying “so also my heavenly Father will do to you, if you do not each forgive your brothers from your hearts.” There’s that word “brother” again.
There is a parallel passage in Luke 17:4, where it specifically says “if he repents.”
Of course none of this forbids anyone from forgiving whomsoever he wants to. The question here is “What does this parable actually teach?” The evidence, from the text itself, indicates that it does not teach a mandate of universal unconditional forgiveness. [Comment Edited due to length]
Cyndi, that is a beautiful prayer. Thank you.
Reply to G. Poulin,
Thank you for your comment. I will talk to my pastor about the necessary extent of forgiveness. However, my perspective was based on the forgiveness Jesus offered (through the Father) to those who crucified Him: “Father, forgive them, they know not what they do.” Luke 23:34.
The Parable of the Unforgiving Servant does not teach unconditional forgiveness towards everyone who has offended. It teaches forgiveness towards fellow Christians (brother, fellow servant) who acknowledge their fault, promise to do better, and beg for forgiveness. Jesus is not teaching forgiveness as a universal principle; he is telling Christians how they ought to treat each other, for the peace and well-being of the Christian community. We need to pay more attention to what the text actually says, and not be in such a hurry to get to our favorite theological points.
G, you wrote, “It teaches forgiveness towards fellow Christians (brother, fellow servant) who acknowledge their fault, promise to do better, and beg for forgiveness. Jesus is not teaching forgiveness as a universal principle.” Please prove your statement. In other words, please prove that a Christian is required to forgive ONLY fellow Christians who acknowledge their faults, promise to do better, and beg for forgiveness.
If we **only** have to forgive our Christian brethren, then we make ourselves as God— the judge of another’s heart as to whether they are a true believer. That’s a slippery slope I ain’t skiing down. Besides, Christ told us not to judge, lest we are judged.
God said “vengeance is mine.” I certainly don’t want to take something that belongs to Our Father in Heaven. Who am I to have such authority?
Forgiveness and repentance are the hardest things to do. And unfortunately I must do it every day, all day long. I made up my own prayer that I say over my enemies. Use it if you like 👍.
“I love you. I forgive you. I apologize (for being offended). I bless you. I release you.” Then I humbly ask Our Father for His Forgiveness and mercy. And repent.
Sometimes, but VERY rarely, that person will finally apologize to me. I tell them with pure love: “I forgave you a long time ago.” ❤️❤️❤️
It’s MUCH easier to apologize when you know you are already forgiven, right? It is just like asking God for forgiveness because we are already forgiven through the death & resurrection of His son, Jesus Christ. We are called to emulate the love of Christ.
(Please pardon the typos, misspellings, and grammatical errors as I am still recovering from Lyme Disease.)
I think you may be conflating forgiveness with the effects of forgiveness. Forgiveness, which is the willingness to forego the pursuit of the consequences the offender should suffer in justice, should be universal and unconditional. That willingness has an immediate effect on the soul of the forgiving person, but it has no effect on the soul of the offender. Our obligation as Christians to always forgive “those who trespass against us” points to the way we should react when someone seeks our forgiveness, and what kind of internal disposition we must cultivate regardless. Always. Whether we should publicly manifest that internal disposition –like Christ from the cross– might be advisable or unadvisable, depending on the circumstances. [Comment Edited due to length]
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