Am I Like Thomas? Oh, Lord, That I Might Believe

We don’t know how the Apostle Thomas came to know that the centurion had thrust a lance into the side of Jesus as His dead body hung on the cross. Either someone told him about this or he actually witnessed it, perhaps hiding in the crowd at the base of the hill of Calvary. Only one Apostle saw this first hand, only John, so young, probably still a teenager, standing and then kneeling by the cross.

Thomas Doubts

So long as Jesus remained dead, it was not cowardice, but prudence for Thomas to deny Him. So the demand to put his hand into the wound was safe unless Jesus was the Divine son of God and could raise Himself from the dead but only a resurrection could prove Thomas wrong; Thomas was a coward, along with all the Apostles who had abandoned Jesus.

After the crucifixion of Jesus, Thomas found where the other Apostles were hiding but they would not open the door until he convinced them he was alone. With false bravado, he scoffed when they said Jesus was alive. Holes in hands and feet made by crucifixion nails were common, but not a spear wound. So Thomas thought his demand would go unsatisfied and his  “I will not believe” would end the matter. No one could call him “unfaithful.”  Jesus was dead. Thomas wondered why they were so insistent that they had seen Him. Still, he stayed with them for over a week.

Jesus did come to them again.  He did not accuse Thomas, shun him, or question him or condemn him. Jesus would not let this sheep be lost. He would do whatever was needed to save him. So He told Thomas, “Touch my hands and thrust your hand into my side”.

Thomas realized Jesus was offering him everything that he had demanded and more. Sorrow was instant, overwhelming; and the peace he felt was beyond comfort. His belief was total, as he said: “My Lord and my God.”

Jesus Knows What We Need to Believe

Today do we have only Jesus’ words “Blessed are they who have not seen and have believed”? Is this all we need?  Jesus met all of Thomas’s requirements, appearing personally to him, and all we get are these centuries-old words? Is it true that we have not seen, seen anything that would help us believe?  Perhaps there is more for each of us.

Jesus wants each of us to believe. He has made each of us free; we can choose to believe or not but just as Jesus knew what Thomas needed to believe, He also knows what we need. He comes to us daily, in the person of all the full-of-wonder folks He lets us live with, including those whom we will encounter only once on this earth. We get to see the holes of the nails in each of Christ’s brothers and sisters. We are invited to place our hands in the wounds in the sides of everyone. Each of these persons is a reflection of divine love through whom Jesus says, “Touch me”.

We are privileged to believe and to say “My Lord, and my God”. Several times in Holy Scripture, Jesus says to someone He has healed that He did this “because you believe”.

But Thomas, one of the twelve, called Didymus, was not with them when Jesus came. The other disciples, therefore, said unto him, We have seen the Lord. But Thomas said unto them, Except I shall see in his hands the print of the nails, and put my finger into the print of the nails, and thrust my hand into his side, I will not believe. And after eight days again his disciples were within, and Thomas with them: then came Jesus, the doors being shut, and stood in the midst, and said, Peace be unto you. Then saith Thomas to Thomas, Reach hither thy finger, and behold my hands; and reach hither thy hand, and thrust it into my side: and be not faithless, but believing. And Thomas answered and said unto him, My Lord and my God. Jesus saith unto him, Thomas, because thou hast seen me, thou hast believed: blessed are they that have not seen, and yet have believed. And many other signs truly did Jesus in the presence of his disciples, which are not written in this book. But these are written, that ye might believe that Jesus is the Christ, the Son of God; and that believing ye might have life through his name ( John 20: 24-31).

Thomas can validate his cowardice as prudence if indeed Jesus is dead and not coming back. Yes we were conned but at least we have escaped and are alive and can start over; we can deny ever really following the Man. But “we have seen Him!” Thomas knows if this is so it confirms the fact that he is a coward, a traitor, a betrayer. He saw the spear thrust into Christ’s side. He saw Him die, saw Him hang lifeless, and heard His last words.

Why is Thomas not there the first time Jesus appears? Well, he is hiding in fear. So knowing about the spear wound and that it was done after Thomas saw Him die, perhaps the others there did not know or did not see, but Thomas knows this is the proof of His death; he saw the blood and water pour forth.

Lord, That I Might Believe

So, okay, would my conditions for believing be if I put my hand into Him into that wound, then I would believe? Thomas also knows the nails. He knows it all. He saw from the time of the nails being pounded in, to the spear thrust. Thomas knows. He says I will believe if . . . Thomas’ conditions for belief are also my conditions.

And Jesus says, ” Fine, you are Mine and I want you back and I will do as I have always done for my Thomases and for my lost Thomases. I will do whatever I must to get you back to me.  So yes, Thomas you are, so put your hand in, just like Thomas, put your hand into me and believe”.

So now, Jesus, what about me? I was not there even as a coward. I did not see what Thomas saw; what about me?

“What would you have me do?”

Lord, that I might believe.