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Invariably, before reading the various news sites in the morning, I first scan the Drudge Report. Generally, the headlines are not toasty fuzzy to say the least. Yesterday, for instance. Murder––suicide––animal cruelty––Iran being Iran, that’s bad––Israel being Israel, not good but understandable––GDP and durable orders in freefall––politicians tap dancing on semantics––social unrest in socialized Europe––and even a drunken horseman leading police on a slow-speed chase, which is sort of funny in contrast.
The quick perusal of world events only revs up my angst. I begin to redline however, when a usual preoccupation, of late, comes to mind––my life in quasi-crisis. Quasi in that it appears so but it’s not really.
You see, I’m a follower of Jesus Christ and that is earth-shattering fantastic. The fact that personal and professional fronts are not rosy, this too shall pass––I hope.
Therein my problem. Trusting and accepting God’s will, from my perspective, is like bungee jumping. Screaming towards the third planet from the sun at Mach 12 and this rubber band is going to save me?
Nevertheless, I’m getting better at this trust thing––much––as a result of a not-so-distant moment in the mountains. Things were not going well then, either. But God changed all that. He spoke to me.
“Excuse me?” some of you might be saying. “God spoke to you and yet you struggle with trust?” I know, it’s not rational. The Old Testament Jews were adrift in the desert for 40 years, and time and time again they were exposed to miracles. And still they grumbled. It’s in our nature.
A word of caution however, to those more traditional. I’m not. Apparently, I have some dominant-recessive gene combo that makes it (sometimes) impossible for me to react appropriately to those special moments in life. And talking to God is, like, number one. Where one might assume they would get down on their knees in complete awe, reverence and thanksgiving––which would be the absolute proper response––I handled it another way.
It’s 2009. I’m in my Colorado home and I’m telepathically awakened. Apparently, my dog Lani is the mysterious force––she’s staring at me, intently, her adorable muzzle inches away. I’ve yet to get out of bed and I have obligations. If she doesn’t eat within seconds, she’ll starve to death.
It doesn’t take me long to get food in her bowl. I’m watching her eat. It’s fascinating. I don’t think she breathes at all; anaerobic gorging. She finishes, licks her chops and looks up at me with those big browns wondering if I’ll feed her again as an act of love.
I can see the dialogue bubble over her head. Not going to happen, is it?
“Nope. You know, on those occasions when you’ve stealthily taken meat off the counter, your feeding frenzy would scare the uninitiated. You’re a Lab but sometimes you’re more like a cross between a wolf and a piranha.”
Bubble again. It’s the genes. You can only take domestication so far.
“So when you look at me, do you see your master or food for a week?” I asked a reasonable question.
Truthfully, it’s an ongoing struggle. Ultimately, your fate will depend on whether you give me seconds. In the meantime, I pray for strength.
My dog. Such a kidder.
At some point after the morning feeding––five shots of espresso fueling my day––I must have stepped in a pool of estrogen. Not only did I step in it, but I slipped, fell face first and swallowed a cup. How do I know? Later that day, I watched an underdog win a big car race and I cried. Switching channels, a golfer pulled out of a tournament because his wife had breast cancer, and I cried. And after a bachelor dinner of microwaved sausage and bacon, I watched West Side Story for the umpteenth time––and I cried. With beautiful, dead Natalie Wood in my thoughts, my grief inconsolable, I headed for the bathroom for a towel; tissue wouldn’t suffice, I was wailing like a newborn. A tearing Niagara.
Then I heard, internally, not audibly,
“You can’t love or be loved until you love me.”
For the next seven steps, besides murmuring “Whoa,” my mind raced.
What just happened?
“God? Is that you? Jesus?”
The Holy Spirit perhaps. Boy, this Trinity thing is labyrinthine. No, it had to be my imagination; I’ve been a basket case all day. But what if it was Jesus? I can only love if I love Him? I can’t love if I’m an atheist? Is that theologically correct? Wait a minute, God is never wrong. He’s talking to me directly. He doesn’t think I love Him. Is that what He’s saying? I do, don’t I? Of course I do.
By the time I returned to the couch, towel in hand, honestly, I was smiling about my overactive noggin. However, a part of me wasn’t entirely convinced. The voice did come from left field. The only voices I ever hear through the thin walls of my brain are my garbled musings or the occasional argument between my psyche and Beelzebub (or his minions). Yet this was so sublimely different.
Was God finally able to get a word in edgewise? Did I hear His voice?
Yes, I did. And no one can convince me otherwise––the timing was just so perfect.
St. Ignatius would be proud of me. The spiritual exercises he taught to discern the voice of God work. Even for me. The voice spoke of love, the foundational tenet of Christianity. And if anybody was off-kilter regarding love, it was me.
“Lord, you have my attention. Anything else you want to share?”
Although apprehensive, I sauntered from my couch to the backyard. I was hoping for another communiqué. The night was clear, the stars intermingled among the galaxies, and I stared to heaven.
“Where are you?” I asked.
The silence continued but no answer. For now, I guess He’s finished.
“Thank you, Lord. I don’t know what else to say.”
So there it is. Unlike this Sunday’s first reading in Numbers, the Lord did not bestow me with any of Moses’ spirit and I didn’t start prophesying to my neighbors. But then again, I’m a beat-up 1985 Yugo; Moses is a 1962 Ferrari.
Afterwards, my life in Christ began anew.
Under the canopy of a Colorado sky, I began to rediscover Truth. In time, I learned to cherish my relationship with my Creator. And thankfully and finally, I became tethered to God, who loves me beyond words. I would wish this for everyone.
Fast forward to today and someone might ask me, “Has your life changed by walking with Jesus?”
Such a simple question.
I would answer as follows:
“So much of my life has been focused on empty pursuits. I guess it shouldn’t be surprising that I was living a hollow existence. Not anymore. With Jesus, there’s fullness to my life. The chaos has been muted. The contrast is startling, thankfully so.”
They might ask, “Has life become easier?”
“Problems still remain. But they’re manageable and they don’t send me over the moon. I’m both grounded and supported by God. I’m also at peace. I know who I am and why I’m here. There’s a wonderful wisdom in that.”
The fact that I can share this story is evidence of God’s amazing grace. Notwithstanding my lighthearted approach, it was an extraordinary gift.
© 2013. Marcus Allen Steele. All Rights Reserved.
9 thoughts on “My Encounter with God”
This time it started in 2014 when I saw ‘11,11’ everywhere and for days.
A dove kept showing up outside on my balcony.
At Saint Johns day I felt an urgent feeling that I should pray, so I did. Then my soul suddenly popped out begging to come home. A voice behinde me said “Make happy” I was alone, but still i heard the voice very clearly .. immediately I became very joyful. Then one night an angel woke me up telling me I had to meet the Lord. I flew out of my body from my balcony and saw a huge crystal stairway.
I was so amazed that I had to sit down on it for a while and looked around. There was nothing else but the stars and the shining crystal stairs that made rainbow colours because of the light from the crystal. Soon after I heard a voice saying “Sarah, come”, so I stood up.and continued to the top, where I saw two doors; I chose the one I could hear music from, and now I was in space, when He (Jesus) came flying on my right side. We then went to Orions Nebula (Messier 42: https://youtu.be/tcQfeDsCosE) where He opened up a black hole or a tunnel with the four stars on the Nebula – he used some kind of spell word. Meanwhile I walked around and checked out the cloud. I wasn’t worry at all, just happy and fascinated to be there with Him, and suddenly I recognised and remembered I knew Him from sooner in life, but had forgot about it…
As we walked through the tunnel I looked at the “walls”‘. It was kind of flickering electric but still I had a view to cosmos that was around us… He said that I should’nt look to much because it would drain the faith out of me…
When out again, we flew in space. As we approached our destination I saw multiple glittering colors and music. He told me “that is inspiration to people on earth” and then he said that I would soon “fall apart” as we get closer but that he would “fix me” again when we get there…Then I woke up on his lap as a baby in the New Jerusalem (a star; all stars are homes for our souls) He smiled and nursed me and I was emencely happy to be in my REAL Fathers arms…
I was growing up VERY fast, my whole past away family was waiting on a little bridge in front of me. We hugged each other, some of them I did not know but I knew they were relatives – all of them was young again. I asked my aunt who had died the exact same year “Do you know who this is?” She answered “Yes, He is always here!” I had some alone time with them and we went up in what looked liked an old mill tower to talk a little. I remember that there was a big old closet behind the door and the floor was decorated with red tiles and I saw a little round window in the small room on 1st floor from where my aunt pointed out her house.
After a while Jesus came to get me. He and I went outside in what looked like a courtyard with pillars. We sat down on a little fountain and he gave me gifts; toys I had as a kid. I became so full of joy to see them again and to see the marks I had made on them while using them growing up, they were still there – and because of that it confirmed to me that it was the same toys I’d once owned. He laughed out loud when I was silly.
At one point I got the idea to pinch my arm and I felt it.
I still had my body even though I knew that I was out of my body.
I looked up in the air; there were no sun but still everything shined like a beautiful summer day.
He called for a small cloud that came right above me, it was some kind of “cloud screen” on were he showed me my whole life and some of my future. The cloud somehow surrounded me, and I was reliving scenes from my life, sometimes from another perspective; for example I saw myself playing with my brother and sister when we were younger. When the scene was over the cloud left me and I was still sitting with jesus. At one point I was shown that he was the one that “installed” my soul in my body the day I was born; I actually was in the hospital watching him kiss my forehead one second before I came into the world.
When I was with the Lord my soul didn’t care much for my body…I was still me but in my soul it felt much more important to please and obey Him. Jesus also showed me the several times when he saved me in life; one time He saved me from a car accident. He also showed me many of the times I prayed as kid, it felt like I was reliving all the scenes again.
He then gave me some paperthin flesh like papyrus that he wrote his name on with his own blood. I had to eat it… Before I did so I asked Him if I could see His hands – He smiled and showed them to me; I could clearly see that He had huge nailmark scars in them. He then began to teach me with words from the Testament, but in some sort of “code” – words I had “to heal with”, he said, and names and words was flashing fast on a screen; all the deciples names and some letters. I said “It’s so simple that a child could understand it!” (It was so so easy there!) He then showed me a stonepillar that someone named Symeon Stylites used to sit on and something about the “ANKH”.
In the end he showed me myself as about 80 years in a nursing home and that he will come and get me the day that I die. He then gave me eternal life, while he did that, he drew something on the ground and said that I should try to endure the daily temptations and stop saying harsh words in anger. Then He hugged me and a big bright warm light surrounded us and we had to go back to my body. On the way back we were very close to Saturns rings and walked on clouds…
I’ve been there two times now and everything He said came true (in the first experience I was sitting with Jesus looking out on a sunset and a beautiful wheat field, he then told me it was going to be a hard life but the outcome will be good for many and that i will be allowd to see more of heaven when 25 years has past and that promise he keept
Behind me was a large tree with fruits I’ve never seen before and a ladder that angels and I used to transport to another place…
Later He took me to a throneroom where I saw two chairs; in one of them in front of me on my right hand I saw an old man looking exactly like God, you know from Micheal Angelos painting of The Creation of Sun and Moon. Ont the wall behind me I saw a big old wooden wheel with saphires between the spokes.
I heard a loud voice saing “‘Bend for your master !”, so I did and now Jesus was sitting in the other chair but I still felt like He was both of them. He told me that I had to save a girl from doing drugs. I met her later on in real life and manage to convince her; she is now working for the Government (when being “spoken to” it wasn’t done with sound and words, it was going on telepathically but I could still think and feel). I’ve also been filled with the Holy Spirit twice; the last time it lasted for five days – I was full of pure joy and love, infact I’ve never felt more joyfull and happy in my whole entire life. I was “glowing” for days and the dove outside on my balcony kept showing up.
One evening I saw tall blue/grayish men in the sky flying up and down everytime I heard an ambulance in my town. I also saw “energies” in purple/turquoise colors like rain coming towards us from the sky all the time (maybe Neutrinoes).
I forgot to tell that.Jesus’ hair was VERY big and beautiful, like the mane on lion and His beard was just as beautiful and on His neck He had some sort of an ancient “hammercut style”. His robe was light blue and He wore old sandals…
The following days I saw His face in everything; in shapes, in trees and shadows and in almost everything living on earth…
When I came back into my body I checked out the name Symeon Stylittes and I realized that He really did exist! I had no knowledge of the term “pillarsaints” before I was with the Lord, and I still don’t know why I was shown this.
UPDATE: A few days later I saw the old man sitting next to Jesus in the throneroom; he cam flying right towards me in a vision when I blinked my eyes for a short moment.
Painting of jesus as i saw him⤵
https://goo.gl/images/iDGP9V
The old man in my vision and the troneroom⤵
https://goo.gl/images/xTJFG8
Orions Nebula with the 3—4 stars jesus used to open the tunnel with on the left side ⤵
https://goo.gl/images/v78FbA
Symeon Stylites Stonepillar⤵
https://images.app.goo.gl/HibAfhNAwQw5kdzc8
Throughout all of my experiences I didn’t feel any jugdement, only understanding and directions to be a better person!
Since my experiences I’ve come to remember some of my earlier life, some parts as a kid and some as old; for example I recall that I lived in the time when Jesus lived on earth and I was killed alongside many others by the sword of Romans on horses by the sea in or near Jerusalem…
Marcus, this is Marcus. Your honesty is welcoming and informing. I’ve asked this to other Catholics (not a Catholic myself) but why did you chose the Catholic faith over others. Was it geographical, is that where you went as a child, did you consider other denominations, etc.
This may be beyond the scope of this post, but Mary Ann’s “cradle Catholics” gives me the impression that one can be born into Catholicism without having to experience conversion themselves, is this correct interpretation? Or Mary Ann can answer too, is this because you grow up believing or is there some spiritual reason for it?
Forgive my ignorance, I guess I could read up on Catholicism myself but it’s good to hear from practicing people I think on things, gets away from the philosophical and to the nitty gritty so to speak. As I’ve said elsewhere, I come from a Protestant pov, and some in my neck of the woods (not myself) think Catholics are not “true” Christians. So it interests me as to what Catholics really think. Have you read Fritz Ridenour’s “So What’s The Difference”. Would be interested in your take on his interpretation of the Catholic church and the church’s stand on “authority” and on “salvation”.
Enjoyed reading.
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I myself have found now that I am retired and moved away from the daily stress that the world gives helps me
know what is more important today than yesterday. I start my morning by going to early Mass (most people have given up on traditional faith) and wow! I find the whole world can be conquered! We just have to let go and find God. Only Jesus rose out of the tomb. The tomb is our world and our own lives. We must let go and listen. Great article Marcus.
I think the best things happen to us in life when we are emotionally open. Leave it to God to jump in just at the right moment, and thankfully you were receptive to Him! In a way, we cradle Catholics envy you converts of that one, defining conversion encounter that dramatically turns your life around. Maybe that’s why we seem to ‘flat line’ so often and lack the passion we should have about our faith. I’m so happy for you! There’s nothing like the secure feeling of having Jesus beside you…. that’s true peace.
Well done! Love was offered and received. You are now in time and place to give away the gift of love to others. It will never run dry because it simply comes through you from God, the Father, his Son Jesus and their Holy Spirit.
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