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Mothering a large family is my calling and my vocation. As a result, I am a conundrum: a rather outmoded sort of woman, ridiculed by modern career women, vilified by the earth’s prophets of doom and sanctified by the religious right. I was the least likely candidate to have a lot of children. I had never even held a baby before my first born.You would think having nine children would have turned me into a frazzled wreck with a figure like the Pillsbury Dough Boy and a brain gone to mush, but I remain quite articulate, with a quirky sense of humour, standing at 5’1” and weighing in at 106 lbs. Not quite a rosy cheeked, robust, matronly looking mother of a large brood.
When the words The Joy of Mothering popped into my head as a sub-title for my short stories, it was like an epiphany for me, because those few words verbalize my experience living with little people. The very existence of a joyful mother of nine children seems to confound people. Embracing an outdated lifestyle on a traditional, small, family farm has been a struggle through confusion, guilt, and even public condemnation to finally reach the point where I can now shout loudly,
\”This is my call, this is my vocation, this is my witness to the world!\”
After the birth of our fourth child, Michael and I struggled to understand exactly how we were meant to live our lives. We were discussing an article by an author whose main premise was that letting go of control and trusting in God was not some abstract principle, but a day-to-day practical call that included the surrender of our fertility. Of course we practiced natural family planning, but I was one of those rare people who could conceive long before ovulation. God used the natural rhythm of my body as a key to my vocation, because everything does work for the good, to those who trust in God.
As my doctor said once, “Ah, I remember reading about a woman in New Zealand, two years ago, who conceived five days before ovulation.” I raised my hand and chirped, “Well, you can add me to that list!”
Although we could not imagine how large our family would become, the words of that article resonated within both my husband and me. Guilt lifted off us and a surge of excitement, a sense of purpose welled up from within. Although it took time to really believe that none of our children were simply a failure of the natural family planning method. Many small experiences kept reinforcing the truth for us that God called each of our children into being with our co-operation. We’d stumbled blindly at times and then a burst of clarity would shine light on our purpose.
For example, twenty-five years ago, I once again slipped into panic mode, worrying if I was pregnant with my fifth child. Suddenly a wave of peace enveloped me and my whole body relaxed. I heard these words within me,
\”This is your call. This is your vocation. This is your witness to the world.\”
All sorts of objections rushed into my head, “What on earth do you mean a vocation or a witness, a vocation to what?- stupidity? People don’t understand. They just think we are irresponsible or idiots……” Then unexpected joy bubbled within me, and I sensed these words in my spirit,
“I am with you.”
Once again a blanket of peace wrapped like a blanket around me. It was an actual physical sensation. My mind was calm and my spirit felt strong. That was it for me; I understood and I said, “Yes to mothering as a vocation.\” Though I still cringed under disapproval from society, I always understood that my children were saving me by compelling me to dive deeper into my spirit, discovering the power of eternal Love at my core, a love that can stand strong against all opposition. That is my call. That is my vocation. That is my witness to the world.
© 2014. Melanie Jean Juneau. All rights reserved.
11 thoughts on “This is My Calling, This is My Vocation”
Melanie and WSquared-Thanks-You both make it so clear-many folks today think that their vocation is their call to God with their list of what they would like to do, enlisting His help for them to achieve their “career goals” which often do not include what happens to them after their bodies die-and you both make it so clear the call is God calling us – or in my case, hitting me over the head with the phone. WSquared-check out -true story-GEM Anscombe besting and confounding CS Lewis in public debate-I think it was re: existence of God. Guy McClung, San Antonio
Guy McClung, I shall have to check out that story of Dr. Anscombe. Thank you!
enlisting His help for them to achieve their “career goals” which often
do not include what happens to them after their bodies die-and you both
make it so clear the call is God calling us – or in my case, hitting me
over the head with the phone.
That’s frankly a lesson that’s learned and relearned, and I don’t presume to have learned it well! While writing a dissertation, I had to learn to see it and my topic as a gift from the Lord– and I also prayed through it, offering it up, and asking the Lord to guide me, and to help me do that work in a way that was pleasing to Him. I also think more about doing that work with Caritas more than I ever have.
There’s also nothing wrong at all in telling God what you would like– as well as your hopes and your dreams. But as many a wise priest and spiritual adviser point out, the reality check is ending that “list” of wants with “I ask this in the name of Our Lord, Jesus Christ, Amen.” The St. Ignatius of Loyola prayer is also helpful (“take, Lord, and receive all my liberty, my memory, my understanding and my entire will; all that I have and possess. Thou hast given all to me. To Thee, O Lord, I return it. All is Thine, dispose of it wholly according to Thy will. Give me Thy love and Thy grace, for this is sufficient for me.”). Slowly, through practice, one learns to pray it with hope, and also in earnest.
I like that Ignatian prayer
well said- your phrase that God hit you ‘over the head with a phone’ is humourous but accurately portrays the fact that God was in charge, not you
As a result, I am a conundrum: a rather outmoded sort of woman,
ridiculed by modern career women, vilified by the earth’s prophets of
doom and sanctified by the religious right.
God bless you and your big family, Melanie. There was a woman with four little boys sitting in the pew in front of us at Mass once. After Mass, all I kept hearing from certain people was “I don’t know how she does it!” in a sort of “well, I never!” tone. I politely but curtly said: “a ton of grace.” That shut some of them up.
Dr. Elizabeth Anscombe would probably blow their minds for being a woman with seven children and a brilliant academic career, both of which (certainly the latter, period, given what so many perceive to be at stake) would be beyond most people. A lot of the time, we don’t think about the Church’s teaching on human sexuality in ways that foreground the range of magnanimity of what God makes possible.
Your words are absolutely correct; I had more grace than I realized. I will have to read up on Dr. Elizabeth Anscombe, thanks for the tip
It struck me how much any mention of grace tends to be absent from almost any and all of our discussions of Church teaching on being open to life and family size. And that lack of mention of grace tends to cut both ways, both among those professing to be Catholic, and those not. I think that shifting the focus to what the Church’s teaching and Catholic orthodoxy makes possible will go a long way in showing women how much the Church, who is herself female, will go to bat for them if they let her. Moreover, it’s having an enlarged sense of what the Church’s teaching makes possible that allows any couple to give their fertility over to the Lord, to accept whatever He gives them. Now, this can mean either a big family, or not. Self-control, no matter the size of one’s family, is necessary for self-gift. Both big families and small families can be the result of that kind of grace-infused generous prudence and self-gift, just as big families and small families can be the result of lust, sexual immaturity, selfishness, and contraception use. It’s not about the what, but the how.
I often mention both St. Gianna Beretta Molla and Dr. Elizabeth Anscombe together, because both taken together challenge the myths and sacred cows of both the left and right: both of these women were practicing Catholics, and they fall well within the Church’s teaching on human sexuality. What their examples tell us is that working and having a career are not going to stop a woman from being a good and holy wife and mother and a canonized saint, just as having a large family is not going to stop a woman from having a brilliant career (these two women in combination should be front and center in our minds when we hear Pope Francis talk about any “theology of women” and his exhortation that wherever important decisions are made, women need to be: this is not about women “taking over” or “women’s ordination,” but the fact that men and women steward differently). It matters immensely that the Church sees motherhood as spiritual and material, and not just biological. So the question then becomes: how does God use everything He gives any woman– from her talents, her career if she has one, her marriage, to her children– to make her a saint?
For my part, I wish somebody had told me that I could have a big family and be a professor with a Ph.D.– if that’s what God means for me, which means that He can make it possible. But nobody ever did. It’s easier to surrender, bit by bit, when one learns that God thinks bigger, even as He engages us on such profoundly intimate levels. While the broadness of what’s possible does not mean doing whatever one likes, it’s also nonetheless true that God doesn’t do cookie-cutter holiness based on superficial criteria. I think a lot of people mean well when they unthinkingly divide motherhood up into a series of false dichotomies, even calling it “practicality.” But these are still ways of misrepresenting what the Church actually teaches, even if unintentional, and they cause a great deal of harm and heartache if not confronted and rectified.
Those whose theology or philosophy or both do not account in any way for grace may be excused for not knowing any better. A person who professes to be Catholic arguably doesn’t have any such excuse: either we accept that belief in the Incarnation comes with certain logical implications about the relationship between matter and spirit, or we do not. It’s okay for the learning curve in this regard to be steep and hard. That’s where persistent prayer and receiving of the Sacraments come in. The bad fruits of ignoring Humanae Vitae are far more pervasive, more subtle, and reach broader and deeper than simply “fewer children” and “fewer vocations.” This is definitely an area where we need to be more aware and more alert.
you have planted the seeds fot another article- we need more intellectualslike you with their hearts and spirits alive and functioning
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Vision looks inward and becomes duty. Vision looks outward and becomes aspiration. Vision looks upward and becomes faith.”
– Rabbi Stephen S. Wise
love it, thank-you