You Deserve God’s Love

I think I am harder on myself now than when I was committing mortal sins at the beginning of my journey. As I strive to be holier and live a virtuous life, I find that I get upset when fear rears its ugly head or when I worry about the future. Sometimes I get frustrated when I struggle with mental prayer which leads me to question whether I love God enough.

Even though I know God loves me, sometimes I wonder if I deserve His love. Lo and behold, when I think how pathetic I am at being His obedient servant, He speaks to me in scripture.

We Are Chosen – Abnormally

One day, prior to my mental prayer, I struggled to prepare and find peace. I meditate on the readings each morning and I got frustrated with my lack of focus, which must mean I have a lack of love for God. I gave up on the preparation and sadly moved onto the daily Mass readings.

The first reading (1 COR 15:1-11) was about St. Paul preaching the Gospel of Jesus and how God loved Him from a persecutor of The Church to one of the most important Apostles in The Church. There was nothing that St. Paul did to deserve God’s love. He was chosen by Jesus and through His grace was completely transformed.

Last of all, as to one born abnormally, he appeared to me. For I am the least of the apostles, not fit to be called an apostle because I persecuted the church of God. But by the grace of God I am what I am, and his grace to me has not been ineffective. Indeed, I have toiled harder than all of them; not I, however, but the grace of God (that is) with me (1 COR 15: 8-10).

I can relate to Paul when he says he was born abnormally. Let’s face it, we all are born that way. But through our daily battle to be holy, we please God with our efforts. He knows our hearts when we fall. I felt His love flow through His Living Word as I continued to read.

Our Alabaster Flasks of Love

The Gospel (Lk 7:36-50) was when Jesus was at the Pharisees’ house and a sinful woman entered with an alabaster flask of ointment. This is no ordinary ointment. Parents would give their daughter a jar of this expensive, fragrant oil for when she was going to be married. She would break it and bless her husband.

This was no small act for this woman of many sins to enter a Pharisees’ home, who do not associate with sinners. She showed great reverence and publicly displayed her repentance and belief in Jesus by doing this. The Pharisees said to himself, “If Jesus were a prophet, He would know this woman, who was touching Him, was a sinner.”

Jesus then told the parable of two people who were in debt to a creditor. One person owed five hundred days of wages and the other fifty. Since they were both unable to pay the debt, the creditor forgave them both. Jesus asked the Pharisees, “Which of them will love Him more?” We all know the answer is the one who owed more.

Then he turned to the woman and said to Simon, “Do you see this woman? When I entered your house, you did not give me water for my feet, but she has bathed them with her tears and wiped them with her hair. You did not give me a kiss, but she has not ceased kissing my feet since the time I entered. You did not anoint my head with oil, but she anointed my feet with ointment. So I tell you, her many sins have been forgiven; hence, she has shown great love. But the one to whom little is forgiven, loves little.” He said to her, “Your sins are forgiven (Lk 7:44-48).

Your Faith Has Saved You – Go in Peace

That morning I learned a lot from the readings. They taught me true love, forgiveness, and freedom. They taught me that genuine repentance has no limits and God’s mercy is poured out in love for me. They reminded me that the Lord loves me abundantly and chose me and all my abnormalities. He knows I am trying to be holy and knows my heart.

The disappointment I had with my morning prayer and my lack of focus slowly dissipated. I began to feel God’s love as if He said, “It is all right my dear child, I know you love me, and I love you – always.” I made a note to bring my lack of faith and forgiveness of myself to my confession to Jesus.

I am so grateful for the Sacrament of Reconciliation. I am blessed to receive His grace and love each week when I go visit Him in confession. Sometimes I am so grateful for His love that I cry as I am being absolved of my sins. What a grace as He lovingly accepts my alabaster oil of repentance and my soul rejoices in His forgiveness.

If we all do our best to live our faith in our hearts, in the public square, and act in service to our brothers and sisters, God will be pleased. He knows us better than we know ourselves. Let’s all try to love and forgive ourselves like Jesus does so we can be His light in our lives and to those around us. Our faith in Him has saved us, let’s go in peace knowing that He loves us – always.