Unless it’s with another believer.
“Invite people to come with you to church,” Father said. “Statistics have proven that 83% of people, if invited, would come.”
There are 20,000 families registered in our parish. Only 5,000 families are regular churchgoers.
No wonder Father is upset.
But how to deal with this problem? According to the Billy Graham Evangelical Association, 80 % of people who come to Christ were invited to church by someone they knew.
I love the following analysis.
What initially brought you to church?
- 6–8% Walked in by their own initiative.
- 2–3% Liked a program offered.
- 8–10% Liked the pastor.
- 3–4% Had a need met by the church.
- 1–2% Were Evangelized.
- 3–4% Attracted by Sunday School.
- 70–85% Invited by a relative or friend!
If that’s not convincing enough, Philip Nation, Director of Ministry Development at LifeWay Research, provides overwhelming evidence.
A study including more than 15,000 adults revealed that about two-thirds are willing to receive information about a local church from a family member and 56 percent from a friend or neighbor. The message is clear that the unchurched are open to conversations about church.
The Pope weighs in:
A Christian who is not active, who is not responsible in the work of proclaiming the Lord and who is not a protagonist of his faith is not Christian or, as my grandmother used to say, is a “rosewater” Christian (Pope Francis).
But how does one go about evangelization?
Evangelization Type One: Go door to door. The homeowner tells you they’ll think about it. Maybe they say an outright “no,” but the seed has been planted, and they do go.
Well, door-to-door is not my style!
In the pre-pandemic days, I had no qualms about going up to a stranger and saying, “May I Hug You.”
Those were the years when I told myself to hug a stranger daily.
Yet I cringe at the thought of approaching a stranger and saying, “Hi, I’m going to church on Sunday. Would you like to come along?”
Evangelization Type Two: I could chat with a neighbor I know well and casually bring it up. And then? That would put him on the spot, and we’d both be embarrassed, as he didn’t know how to refuse.
Evangelization Type Three: Inviting someone to share my morning walks with my dogs. I consider the Great Outdoors another Church. I look up and see the endless blue skies dotted with gossamer clouds, flitting, curling, changing shapes, and creating pictures.
An osprey perches high, waiting for an unsuspecting fish to swim past. A woodpecker chips away at a tree trunk brimful of fresh insects. Squirrels cross my path, chasing each other. The early morning sun creates diamonds on the rippling canal water.
I have long, out-loud conversations with God. I praise Him, thank Him for all the blessings, and ask Him for many favors.
This is a very special private time. I don’t want company.
But back to the church of brick and mortar
What is the real problem? Why don’t I want to invite people to come with me?
I love going to church by myself. I go early to have some time to soak up the ambiance of my church. I kneel, close my eyes, and allow the peace of my surroundings to sink into me, filling me with a wondrous feeling of light and love.
There is the anticipation of the service to come, the soft shuffling of fellow parishioners as they settle in, and my hands folding on the smooth wooden back of the pew in front of me. The silence hums.
Such peace.
If I have to share these moments, it must be with someone who shares my values and beliefs. I couldn’t bear to have somebody close by who questioned my faith.
It does not matter which denomination my guest belongs to or whether they see the Eucharist only as a symbol. What matters is that they should be present in the moment. They must be there to share the experience and not only to please me while wishing themselves somewhere else.
No, if anybody is with me, it must be a kindred soul. There are probably many in this vast and beautiful world, but those known to me are few.
The music starts. I sing, oh how I sing. My voice, never really that good, but not too bad either, rises and falls with the melody.
I love the music in my church.
I like to follow the Bible readings, listen to the responses, and listen to the homily. We prepare for the Eucharist, and I openly admit that this is the main reason I’m in church.
The Body and Blood of our Risen Lord
I sink to my knees, absorbing the mystical presence and acknowledging the strength that flows through me.
And I’m grateful, so grateful. My eyes are damp, and my hands are folded in prayer. I will remain like this for a long, long time. Then, the music, the final blessing, and “
“Go in peace, glorifying the Lord by your life.”
I respond, “Thanks be to God.”
The final recessional hymn. I sing my heart out. I leave. I walk on air to my car. I start my week.
14 thoughts on “Why I Prefer to Go to Church On My Own”
I once charitably told an older hippie VII type couple that I came to weekday Mass to encounter the Divine. I didn’t need “community” or “fellowship.” The only person I needed there was the Priest. I think they were there for socializing but of course wouldn’t know that infallibly.
I just seldom encounter God in others usually they are a distraction. Heck even at Sunday Mass I get in the zone and don’t even hardly even look at my wife till the dreaded meet and greet distraction.
If I’m not recharged by God I’ve got nothing for anyone all week.
Charity begins with me.
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I can certainly empathize with this, Ida. Great article!
Hello Nate.
Thanks for being here. I think many of us, especially parents, feel that way. But then again, as a parent, it is our duty to raise our children in the faith. And hope and pray that somewhere, something sticks and holds when it matters. And then grows. And the cycle repeats itself.
Best, Ida.
Indeed, Ida, indeed. Thank you!
thank you, Ida
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A great article, thank you. My wife and I invited our granddaughter to attend Mass; she accepted. Her pouting became my focus and the peace and joy I usually experience was gone.
Oh, Richard, I’m so sorry. You don’t say how old your granddaughter is. If she’s a teenager, it comes with the territory. But the seed has been sewn. You never know what impression it made, but as a teenager, it’s not cool to show appreciation.
So you pray, don’t invite her again, and don’t be surprised if she asks to come along. Wait a while and invite her again, ask if she has a friend who might like to come along. In the meantime, I’m praying for you and yours.
Good morning, new friend! Thanks for being here.
Daily mass? It’s heaven! I couldn’t agree with you more. I went to daily masses at 7.10 am with cloistered nuns while I taught an 8.00 am class across the road at the college. Yup, it was a mad dash from one to the other. When I stopped teaching that class, I went to a 12.00 mass, and yes, few people, quiet, and none of the hustle as at the Sunday morning mass.
Then we moved, and the daily mass here is at 8.30. It would’ve been fine had we not adopted 3 rescued dogs. I’m up at 5.00 am for my own quiet time. The rest of the household wakes up at 7.00. It’s walkies and food and clean up, and it’s half an hour to church, and I can’t manage it. So I settled for Saturday afternoon. I miss out on the choir (and they are good!) but it’s less frenzied than Sunday.
I find my God in the quiet. On my walk with my dogs next to a fast-flowing waterway, birds squawking are the only sounds – my choir in this wonderland, this outdoor church of mine. At home, we maintain silence. My view once again is that of flowing water outside my study window.
I so understand where you are coming from. Teaching those that want to be taught. I’ve been there.
And nothing beats that perfect sound of silence.
I wish you and yours a blessed day.
My church is a babble of conversation before Mass starts. There is no peaceful prayer possible. People don’t genuflect they just nod their heads. They receive Holy Communion standing and in the hand. After Mass its all chatter chatter. No prayer. No thanksgiving.
Can you understand why I prefer the sspx
Good morning Paul. Thanks for being here. I perfectly understand. While I was still working, I’d attend a small church with cloistered nuns at a 7.10 mass with visiting priests from various churches. There might be 10 of us in the small church; the only sound would be silence. After mass, I’d dash across the street to start my day teaching at the college swimming pool at 8.00 am. A perfect start. And in Richmond VA I discovered a church where half the mass was still in Latin, only the homily in English. I’ve been a very fortunate woman
If there were an SSPX around here, I’d also be there.
Our previous priest, where I am now, was Irish and forbade the clapping of hands after a good choir performance. He said all this was to the glory of God, not to people. I agreed with him
Our present priest is more into welcoming new people and visitors by clapping hands and also by thanking the choir. But before mass, silence.
So be it.
I come from a Dutch Reformed Church background where silence was a given.
So grateful that you took the trouble to comment.
Great article, Ida! Thank you!
I had a “rush” of thoughts as I read your treatise. There seems to be a “selfish” sort of ambience to the idea of wanting God all to ourselves…but truth be told…that’s exactly how I feel oftentimes.
The scripture from 1 Kings 19:11-13 came to mind wherein Elijah did not find God in the fierce wind, nor the earthquake, nor the fire, but rather in the “gentle whisper” that came. In other words, the best way to hear the voice of God is in the “silence” of His Presence which requires exactly that – silence!
I really like going to daily mass far more than going to Sunday mass for that reason. It seems that daily mass goers are there because they “want” to be there, rather than merely fulfilling an obligation to be there on Sundays. That surely would explain the countless distractions that accompanies Sunday mass attendance.
I’m reminded of the few years that I taught vacation bible school to children in addition to teaching regular CCD classes. The CCD classes (of course) were mandatory, but vacation bible classes were elective. The kids who attended CCD classes were very difficult to teach, as they really did not want to be there.
In contrast, the kids at vacation bible school were truly “excited” to be there every day…and were open to learning as much as they could about Jesus.
I think that there is a lesson in this (and yes, it may even seem a bit selfish). It is only when we become “teachable” – like excited children going to vacation bible school – that we can discover the awesomeness of God just like Elijah did in days of old!
Good morning, new friend! Thanks for being here.
Daily mass? It’s heaven! I couldn’t agree with you more. I went to daily masses at 7.10 am with cloistered nuns while I taught an 8.00 am class across the road at the college. Yup, it was a mad dash from one to the other. When I stopped teaching that class, I went to a 12.00 mass, and yes, few people, quiet, and none of the hustle as at the Sunday morning mass.
Then we moved, and the daily mass here is at 8.30. It would’ve been fine had we not adopted 3 rescued dogs. I’m up at 5.00 am for my own quiet time. The rest of the household wakes up at 7.00. It’s walkies and food and clean up, and it’s half an hour to church, and I can’t manage it. So I settled for Saturday afternoon. I miss out on the choir (and they are good!) but it’s less frenzied than Sunday.
I find my God in the quiet. On my walk with my dogs next to a fast-flowing waterway, birds squawking are the only sounds – my choir in this wonderland, this outdoor church of mine. At home, we maintain silence. My view once again is that of flowing water outside my study window.
I so understand where you are coming from. Teaching those that want to be taught. I’ve been there.
And nothing beats that perfect sound of silence.
I wish you and yours a blessed day.
PS I thought I had not replied to you as yet, then I found this somewhere else! So I did, reply only not posted where I should have.