When You Face a Fall, Put a Fork in It

pray, prayer, praying, fall, fallen, conscience

When I opened the letter from my diocese I could not believe my eyes.  I had not been accepted into their diaconate formation program.  I was devastated beyond words.

For six years I had planned and maneuvered my life to make this last, final push for my dream of one day being a deacon.  My wife and I had completed the year-long application process filled with interviews, home visits, and even psychological testing.  I had patiently but anxiously awaited the pandemic to subside hoping for a letter informing me that my formation journey was about the begin in earnest.

All of the deacons that I know spoke of the application process as if acceptance into the program was nowhere near the biggest obstacle.  Most recalled the studying, attending, and revolving one’s life and schedule around this effort as the big hills to climb.  I was completely unprepared for this result. It literally hit me from out of the blue.  I was momentarily disoriented and lost.  Then I began to go through the familiar grieving process.

Following a Familiar Script

First, I denied that this was happening by imagining that there was a mistake.  Then, I was filled with anger and resentment that threatened to become bitterness about this decision.

Bargaining soon followed as I began to elaborate ways that I could perhaps appeal or clear up or reverse this process.  Then depression set in as I realized that there was no appeal.

I have now slowly moved into acceptance.  I realize that what is done is done and lamenting will get me nowhere but away from God.   The words of some of my favorite saints have helped me to process this pain.

Wisdom from The Saints, Scripture, and a Friend

St. Alphonsus Liguori once stated that “There is nothing more pleasing to God, than to see a soul who patiently and serenely bears whatever crosses it is sent.”  I know from other readings that this wonderful saint encourages us to see even our falls as blessings from heaven.  Our falls are  graces offered to provide us with the opportunity to grow toward God and better serve Him according to His Will.

St. Frances de Sales reminds us to “Practice patience toward everyone and especially toward yourself. Never be disturbed by your imperfections, but always get up bravely after a fall.”

St. Rose of Lima tells us that “Apart from the cross, there is no other ladder by which we may get to heaven.”

Proverbs 24:16 states ” Though the just fall seven times, they rise again, but the wicked stumble from only one mishap.”

My friend, Sam Guzman, no saint but surely a good and wise man, in his blog The Catholic Gentleman, remarks, “So it would seem that the truly Christian man transcends discouragement only by accepting it. No man can pass beyond an obstacle except by facing it and rising above it.”

My Definition of ‘Falls’

I have always been fascinated by the role of ‘falls’ in our faith.  Now, let me warn you, by falls I do not simply mean physical falls like slipping on ice or tripping on a pair of roller skates.  I also do not mean watching your favorite athlete fall to the turf ending a play or making things worse for his or her team.  Those are every day, mundane kinds of falls.

The falls I am talking about here are family, relationship, marriage, business, economic, academic, career, job, moral, and emotional falls.  In fact, my concept of falls involves any kind of stumble, setback, frustration, loss, disappointment, or lapse you can think of.  All of these things are falls in my book because they can all involve mishaps, reversals, or defeats to our plans or hopes.

Pointing Fingers and Feeling Sorry for Ourselves

There is something about setbacks that causes even the most faithful people to compare and contrast their slips with those of others.  One guy laments the loss of his job and another responds with “That is nothing, I had cancer last year.”   Another person cries over her loss of faith and trust in God, while another will immediately judge how authentic her faith really is.

Instead of simply being there to embrace and support each other, we sometimes tend to compare and contrast whose fall is greater or who should stop whining and move on.  Perhaps we should all apply the charitable habit of supporting and praying for others instead of judging them and their falls as well.

Falls are Crossroads

It occurs to me that falls are crossroads where we must choose between moving closer to God or farther from Him. Many of us move closer on some falls and farther on others.  Sometime we end up going nowhere in the end.

Others, unfortunately, consistently fall farther with each fall.  Few are able to consistently move closer to God with each fall they face and even less are able to turn those falls into blessings in the highest sense.

Humility and Trust are the Keys

I am often one of those people who worry too much about everything.  Sometimes I easily become agitated and upset when things do not go my way, or at least the way I expected things to go.  I had so many great plans for being a good deacon.  There are so many homilies in my head, and I had so many ideas about presentations, retreats, Lenten missions, and a long litany of plans just waiting for a Dcn in front of my name to become reality.

I have come to realize that the consistent word in all of these plans is “I.”  If I am completely honest, most of my plans were all about how I was going to serve God my way, on my terms.  In my haste to do things my way, I forgot to embrace the gifts God has given me and offer them up for Him to use as He pleases and see best, instead of how I elaborate and conjure them to be.

At the end of the day, I had to be more humble and trusting of God.  Instead of thinking that the Admissions Board messed up when they did not choose me, I needed to offer even their evaluation process to God.  I will never know exactly why they did not choose me and, as a lawyer and teacher, that sometimes drives me crazy. This is because my background is filled with the need for fairness, justifications, having your day in court, being allowed to explain things, and everything we commonly associate with fairness and due process.  However, true trust in God does not need any of those things.

Falls Need Forks

Trusting God invites us to experience true peace and comfort in asking God to help us be the instrument that Francis spoke of, in His time, His way, His terms, and His path.   

Crossroads are forks in the road. They are places where we must choose which way we will go.  For the follower of Christ and the child of God, that way must always be toward love, trust, humility, dedication, and faith in God and God’s plan for each of us.

This society sees falls as failures, as mistakes, as reasons to feel humiliation and shame. However, God’s plan is not our plan.  We must see each fall as a crossroad toward or away from God, and act accordingly.  The devil surely wants us to lose hope, to despair, to twist in bitterness and resentment. In so doing, we will strangle whatever good we can bring to this world, by our gifts, and to our own and others’ salvation.

Do not let the devil win by feeling bitter about your falls, by judging the falls of others, by parading yourself as a martyr of misfortune.  Rather, embrace your falls as golden opportunities to show God what you are truly made of, for He already knows.  You are destined for great things by God, if only you will accept and embrace that destiny.

Your falls are the medals you earn on your way to that greatness.  They are the front lines between God and the devil in your life.  Every time you fall, put a fork in that fall and make sure to choose the road that leads to the greatness God created you to do.

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3 thoughts on “When You Face a Fall, Put a Fork in It”

  1. Thank you so much for sharing your humbling experience. How many times have I hoped and prayed for something I thought was good for me when God had other plans. Never thought of the grief states but that’s what it often is for me too. May I grow to respond to great disappointments as well as you have.

  2. Your rejection from the diaconate reminds strongly of the following true event: Conchita, one of the seers of the fairly recent apparitions of Our Lady of Garabandal, Spain, (1961-1965), which the local bishops rejected as being of supernatural origin, wanted very much to become a religious. After a lengthy application process she was not accepted. Jesus comforted her in an inner locution saying that He wanted her to remain out in the world.
    Now she can say that Our Lady told her: many cardinals, bishops and priests are on the road to perdition; as a religious her lips would be sealed.

    1. Josephine, it is ironic that you mention Our Lady of Garabandal as I have written many articles regarding Garabandal and even have two Facebook pages regarding it as well. You have indeed reminded me of this experience by Conchita. Thank you so much for your powerful and, as it turns out, ironic, insight incorporating Garabandal which I know well. Thank you for making me feel another source of solace through what was a difficult and painful rejection. God Bless. Gabriel

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