Who is a Right Friend For a Shepherd?

Friendship is possibly one of the most cherished bonds in the life of humans built on selflessness, unconditional support, and mutual trust. Cicero, a Roman philosopher Cicero once said this about having a friend, “Friendship makes prosperity brighter, while it lightens adversity by sharing its griefs and anxieties.” A friendship pulls a person out of their afflictions (Proverbs 17:17; 27:10; Luke 11:5-8) and offers advice in confounding situations (Proverbs 27:9).

People find consolation in friendships, just as the Gileadite Barzillai consoled David who was on the run (2 Sam 19:31-39), or just as Jephthah’s daughter`s friends helped her grieve her premature death (Judges 11:37-38). Friends may help each other to dodge death, as the Arkite Hushai helped David by spying for him in Absalom the usurper`s court (2 Sam 15:32-37; 16:16-19; 17:5-16 ). A true friend does not flatter his friends, rather he becomes ever more faithful (Proverbs 27:6). The book of Ecclesiastes cultivates the friendship theme in the “two are better than one” reading (Ecc. 4:9-12).

One of the strongest friendships in the Bible is that of David and Jonathan – the two friends are closer than brothers are. Jonathan`s loyalty to David exceeded his loyalty to his own ambitions and to his father, Saul (1 Sam 18:1-4; 20:14-17). Upon hearing about Jonathan`s death, David`s lamentations prove how important a friendship is a person`s life (2 Sam 1:17-27). Paul`s talent for gaining friends is shown in the New Testament. He names many people as his unique friends in Christ in his letters. Included in Paul`s friend list in the Book of Acts is Asia`s pagan official who is known as Asiarchs (Acts 19:31).

Words by Pope Francis

On the feast of the Sacred Heart of Jesus in 2017 in Rome, Pope Francis addressed Serrans on being real friends to seminarians and priests at the 75^th convention of Serra International. Serrans are lay Catholic women and men who have vigorously responded to their calling of supporting and promoting vocations to consecrated life and ministerial priesthood in the Catholic Church. The Pontiff said the following:

“To be friends to priests, sustaining their vocation and accompanying them in their ministry: with this great gift you enrich the Church!  This is, above all else, what a Serran is – a “special friend” whom the Lord has brought into the lives of seminarians and priests.” The pontiff continued to say, “When Jesus speaks of his “friends”, he points to a hard truth: true friendship involves an encounter that draws me so near to the other person that I give something of my very self.  Jesus says to his disciples: “No longer do I call you servants… but I have called you friends, for all that I have heard from my Father I have made known to you” (John 15:15).

He thus establishes a new relationship between man and God, one that transcends the law and is grounded in trust and love.  At the same time, Jesus frees friendship from sentimentalism and presents it to us as a responsibility that embraces our entire life: “Greater love has no man than this that a man lay down his life for his friends” (John 15:13). We become friends, then, only if our encounter is more than something outward or formal, and becomes instead a way of sharing in the life of another person, an experience of compassion, a relationship that involves giving ourselves for others.

It is good for us to reflect on what friends do. They stand at our side, gently and tenderly, along our journey; they listen to us closely, and can see beyond mere words; they are merciful when faced with our faults; they are non-judgmental. They are able to walk with us, helping us to feel joy in knowing that we are not alone.  They do not always indulge us but, precisely because they love us, they honestly tell us when they disagree. They are there to pick us up whenever we fall.

This is the also the kind of friendship that you seek to offer to priests.  The Serra Club helps foster this beautiful vocation of being laity who are friends to priests. Friends who know how to accompany and sustain them in faith, in fidelity to prayer and apostolic commitment. Friends who share the wonder of a vocation, the courage of a definitive decision, the joy and fatigue of ministry. Friends who can offer priests support and regard their generous efforts and human failings with understanding and tender love.  In this way, you are to priests like the home of Bethany, where Jesus entrusted his weariness to Martha and Mary, and, thanks to their care, was able to find rest and refreshment.”

Priests Needing Friends

According to figures that were published in the Vatican’s official statistical record, the Annuarium Statisticum Ecclesiae, the number of men in seminary training for the priesthood fell by nearly 4,000 between 2012 and 2016. The Vatican described the fall in numbers as the “crisis of vocations”. Have you ever wondered why vocations to the Catholic priesthood are declining? Vocations to the ministerial Catholic priesthood might be declining because there is a shortage of people who can offer a true friendship to priests and aspiring priests.

The Type of Friend Every Priest Needs

It takes a very distinct personality to be a true friend to a priest or a seminarian; such a friendship is a unique calling and could also qualify as a ministry. People who befriend priests are those who are emotionally strong and intelligent; these people are called to pray intensely and to be nurturers. Most importantly, friends of priests have to be grounded in their faith. A person does not need to have a theology or philosophy degree to befriend a priest or seminarian, but they do need to have a certain level of understanding about the Catholic priesthood – the priesthood is delicate, it is a mystery and it runs deep.

Mehmet Murat Ildan once said,

There is only one way to understand a lonely bench in a park: Sit on it; watch whatever it is watching; listen whatever it is listening to! Sit in spring, sit in winter, sit in summer! To understand something deeply, you need to live its life!

Mehmet`s words also apply to friends of priests – as a friend to a priest you will have to live in his world and in some instances, you will have to live like him so that you can deeply understand his life as a Catholic priest. Since a Catholic priest walks in the footsteps of Christ, suffering like Christ is inevitable for him. He will suffer at the hands of his enemies, he will go through the agony in Gethsemane and there will be times when he even dies spiritually; in all that, he will need a friend who will be strong when he is weak.

It is not possible to live in isolation without a friend or two, God created human beings as a community. The lack of genuine friendships can be very detrimental to one`s soul. In the introduction of his book ‘Devout Life’, St. Francis de Sales describes the role of a bond between friends and he uses Jesus`s friendships and that of the saints to highlight how even the most powerful and intelligent people had friends who were like reinforcements in their lives.

No one can deny that our dear Lord loved Saint John, Lazarus, Martha, Magdalene, with a specially tender friendship, since we are told so in Holy Scripture; and we know that Saint Paul dearly loved Saint Mark, Saint Petronilla, as Saint Paul Timothy and Thecla. Saint Gregory Nazianzen boasts continually of his friendship with the great Saint Basil. Saint Jerome, Saint Augustine, Saint Gregory, Saint Bernard, and all the most notable servants of God, have had special friendships.”

There is no doubt that there is a distinct difference in mission, character, and role between the ministerial priesthood and the lay faithful, however, different vocations in the life of the Church are not meant to be divided by the difference. Priests are brothers to the laity, and they are also fellow companions on the journey to holiness. They too are human; they not only need support and prayers from the lay faithful, they also need friends. Just as some relationships form easily between people, friendships between some people and a priest form easily and they last for years. Some friendships between priests and laypeople form over an occasional gathering or meeting and the friendship is short-lived, but as long as the friendship contributed towards a greater good then it was worth the effort.

Friends of A Saint

St. John Paul II became friends with Polish-born American philosopher Anna-Teresa Tymieniecka and their friendship lasted for over 30 years. The two became friends in 1973 when Ms. Tymieniecka communicated with Cardinal Karol Wojtyla who at that time was the Archbishop of Krakow, about a philosophy book that she had compiled. After her trip to Poland, Ms. Tymieniecka and the future Pope started communicating frequently through letters. After being elected as the Church`s Pope in October 1978, St. John Paul wrote a letter to Anna-Teresa, and in it he said,

“I am writing after the event, so that the correspondence between us should continue. I promise I will remember everything at this new stage of my journey.”

Another friendship that St. John Paul had was with a Krakow psychiatrist, Wanda Poltawska who advised the late pontiff on family matters and health. They met each other in the 1950s. After two months of being elected as Pope, St. John Paul informed Ms. Poltawska that she would continue being of assistance to him in his papacy; the saint declared Wanda as one of his personal specialists. In a letter, the saint wrote to Ms. Poltawska he said,

“You followed my priesthood step by step and participated for so many years in uncovering its meanings and values. You can`t say you don`t now see ‘any place’ for yourself.”

Final Words…

God reinforces a priest`s priesthood through a true and authentic friend.