The Present Moment of His Peace

Every morning I read from some type of spiritual writing. Of late I have been reading the writings of the 18^th century Jesuit priest Jean-Pierre de Caussade. I began by reading his book Abandonment to Divine Providence, sometimes published as The Sacrament of the Present Moment, which I highly recommend.

The fear of death and of the judgments of God is a good thing as long as it does not go so far as to cause you trouble and anxiety; then it would be an illusion of the devil. For, what is it that makes you afraid? Is it because you have not yet done what you have not been able to do? Does God require what is impossible? Is it, as you add, because you have as yet, done nothing for heaven? Be careful again in this; it is a delicate subject for it seems as if you wanted to acquire merit for your own assurance. This is not real confidence which can only be founded on the mercy of God, and the infinite merits of Jesus Christ. Any other confidence would be vain and presumptuous, since it would rest on your own nothingness, and I know not what wretched works which have no value in the sight of God. Without depending in any way on ourselves let us try and accomplish, with the help of God’s grace, all that He demands of us, and hope only in His goodness and in the merits of Jesus Christ, His son (Jean-Pierre de Caussade – Letter XXIII – The Value of Good Desires).

Every day I read a section and meditate upon whatever might strike me. Yesterday it was the above quote. This is from a letter he wrote to a woman who apparently wanted to be a religious but was not accepted. I don’t know why she wasn’t accepted, or even who she was, but his words ring true for me in many situations in my life.

The first sentence:

The fear of death and of the judgments of God is a good thing as long as it does not go so far as to cause you trouble and anxiety; then it would be an illusion of the devil.

How true this is with so many things in life. The Peace of Christ should reign in our hearts. That does not mean that we should never be concerned or afraid. But if it is something that drives us to be overly anxious or preoccupies to such a degree that we cannot function it is indeed an illusion of the devil. I try to remember that there is no fear with Christ. Of course, I often have fear. Things happen that I don’t understand, don’t like, can’t see how they will end well, and my reaction is indeed fear. It is in these moments that, if I am spiritually awake, I can redirect my thoughts to Him and if nothing else, become preoccupied with prayer.

And what is it that makes me afraid? “Is it because you have not yet done what you have not been able to do?” Oh, how true. I forget that all things are possible with God and that my self-will alone is not sufficient. My self-reliance fails and I become fearful or worse feel that I am not good enough or become afraid of what others might think of me. It seems that I am often concerned with how I can make people, situations, or the world change so that I can be more comfortable. This is often the root of my troubles. I try to assert myself more and try harder thinking all the while that I can force some outcome that will indeed make me happy. I must remember that all I have to do is seek God and cooperate with his grace. Alone I am nothing. With God I have the power and capacity to accomplish his works. de Cassaude warns:

Be careful again in this; it is a delicate subject for it seems as if you wanted to acquire merit for your own assurance.

Am I trying to ‘be good’ for my own assurance? Am I doing my prayer and spiritual practices so I can pat myself on the back and say what a good person I am? Or am I doing these because I truly crave a relationship with God.

Sadly, I must admit that often I am doing my spiritual work out of habit. Sometimes not even paying attention to what I am doing. I do believe that as long as I persevere in the action the mind will follow but I also can try and ask God for the grace for a better relationship with him.

Alas, my holiness lies with Him alone and the myriad distractions of self only serve to confuse me or tire me. And how does faith really deepen in me when in fact, I just want to know, for my own assurance of course, that I am a good Christian. This then is not faith. It is, as he says, presumption as well as vain since indeed it rests upon my own nothingness. Can I be content with who and what I am? The place I am in my life? Can I simply relax into the present moment and be assured that this is all part of God’s divine plan? Of course, this is not a call to complacency. It is a call to acceptance and surrender. To continue to persevere in prayer and good works but with nothing more in mind than a complete and ultimate reliance upon God to carry me to what he would have me be. In each moment.

Without depending in any way on ourselves let us try and accomplish, with the help of God’s grace, all that He demands of us, and hope only in His goodness and in the merits of Jesus Christ, His son.

In his various works de Caussade returns time and again to relying with complete confidence upon our creator. A complete and entire surrender to what is in this moment with the full assurance that God will indeed take care of me. In the same letter he goes on to say:

You are right in saying that more grace is required to save us in the world than in religion. From this I form the opinion that, evidently, a much more distinct vocation is necessary for those who have to remain in the world than for the religious state.

Sometimes I think I must find more time to pray, more time to go to adoration, more time for Mass. Then I find myself beating myself up once again for my failure because life got in the way… again. My daughter needs something. A friend asks for help. I get a call from someone who just needs to talk. The dog needs a walk. The heating stopped working. The power went out. We’re out of milk! What is for dinner? My daughter got hurt at school and is being taken by ambulance to the hospital. The list of daily emergencies and mundane tasks often times pile up. By the end of the day I once again see that time slipped by and once again I had no time for my quiet meditation or adoration.

However, it is in these hectic and often unplanned spaces of the day that I ask God to remind me to pray. In those moments on the Tram or even during a conversation or on a walk, to become aware that God is with me always and everywhere. There is a time and place for silent mediation, loving adoration, Mass and the like, but in the chaos of the world the Peace of Christ reigns. I don’t have to look hard. It is in the center of my being. I must simply breath in and remember that it is God who gave me the breath of life (Genesis 2:7). And that no matter the problem it is better to rest in the present moment of His peace.