Spiritual Ambush

tradition

I recently had a very disconcerting encounter while traveling in Poland. I have several Polish friends who were raised Catholic but have left the Church. They often make comments to me about Catholics in Poland. A friend of mine from New Zealand who converted to Catholicism here in Poland has had the same experience. We often find it odd. Being from English-speaking countries people automatically assume we somehow are not as “Catholic” as the Catholics here in Poland. I often hear comments like “well, you might not believe that, but the Church in Poland does.” Like there are different doctrines and dogmas in Catholicism. At first, I tried to engage in this and make clear that the Church itself (meaning the Magisterium) does not espouse such things. Or I would suggest that looking into the Catechism is the best way to understand what we believe. Then I realized that these people had already made up their minds and so my best course of action was just to say, “Oh my, well, we don’t actually believe that.” And then let it go.

One example of this is a very close friend of mine. She believes (because she has been repeatedly told by others) that the Church teaches that her daughter is not really a valid person because she was conceived using in-vitro fertilization. At first, I tried to explain that this is not what the Church believes. However, now, I don’t argue with her. I just quietly let her know that these are not beliefs held by the Church and then try to be a loving and kind friend as well as a good example of what Catholicism really is.

I thought that the experiences my friend had were remote and uncommon as I have lived in Poland for over a decade and have never encountered such extreme views. Of course, we all know the self-righteous Pharisees among us who know the “law” and beat their neighbor unceasingly with it, all the while ignoring their own lack of charity. I have always put this down to the very human fear of not feeling enough and as a result of this feeling they point out the flaws of others in order to try and make themselves feel better. The old “well I know I’m bad, but at least I’m not as bad as him!” But I have never encountered a group of people who not only held such attitudes but proudly dispensed their opinions from an incredibly high moral hilltop.

A few weeks ago, I had the privilege of traveling to a small city in Poland to speak at a spiritual workshop. I speak very often at these workshops about my spiritual journey of overcoming personal difficulties through a simple reliance upon God through prayer, self-examination, and helping others. Polish is not my first language, I actually didn’t learn to speak Polish until about ten years ago, so speaking at these workshops for extended periods of time is exhausting. I began my day early and was speaking Polish from about 8:00 a.m. By the time we got to the restaurant for dinner after the daylong event, it was about 9:00 p.m.

In these settings, I generally do not speak in detail about my spiritual practices, specifically, that I am Catholic, or in any detail about my prayer life. I use general terms and open language so that anyone of any religion (or non-religion) at any stage of the path might feel comfortable in seeking God. I try and use St. Charles de Foucauld as a guide. However, at dinner, the topic moved toward the Church and I soon realized that I was among a group of practicing Catholics. I was asked a few specific questions to which I answered honestly. I had no idea that what I was saying was in any way controversial.

I revealed that I am completing a doctorate at the Pontifical University in Krakow. They expressed interest in that and were eager to speak more on the topic. I innocently and unassumingly, believed that we are Catholics and when they said they had questions for me I thought it would be for some type of clarification or discussion about God. It, however, was not. I had walked into a spiritual ambush. “Welcome to my parlor said the spider to the fly.”

The conversation turned to St. Thomas Aquinas. I openly admitted that I find Aquinas difficult to read and was told that I must be a modernist because if I were not, I would surely understand Aquinas and delight in his argumentation. I am often thankful that my Polish is not good enough to explain everything and I simply said that reading Aquinas in Latin is very confusing, which the men with whom I was speaking acknowledged and I understood from their reactions that they do not read Aquinas in Latin. However, on this point I must say that I do not connect with all the saints, nor am I moved by every type of spirituality.

The conversation continued to decline. They asked if I were a traditional Catholic, which I thought I was, but each time I thought I’d found safe ground or an uncontroversial topic their responses made me feel as though I was less of a Catholic or somehow not one at all. Grasping for neutrality I said that one of my favorite theologians is Ratzinger (Pope Benedict XVI). I was honestly surprised and left a bit speechless when one of the gentlemen told me that I am a modernist and so is Pope Benedict. Then he began to explain that modernists believe that all religions are the same and I began to understand that these people really didn’t know what modernism is and had clearly never read any of the theological works by Joseph Cardinal Ratzinger.

Again, my Polish failed me as I sat staring blankly at these people saying only that perhaps we had a different understanding of modernism. To which they explained that anything written by any theologian who lived during the twentieth century or later or anything declared or believed as a result of Vatican II was suspect. I tried to defend the Magisterium but was tired and found that I was a bit irritated as well, to which the man sitting across from me commented that surely, I must acknowledge my error because I am upset. And if I’m upset it means I’m wrong. At least I think that’s what he said.

I’m not sure how I managed to find my way out of this, but exhausted I made my way back to my hotel for my evening prayer and examination of conscience. I tried to sort this out, I had after all been accused of being a heretic as had Pope Emeritus Benedict XVI, but I must say that the feeling which was most evident to me was that of great and deep sadness.

I realize that I’ve opened a topic which may seem controversial to some. What came out of the conversation I had that evening was that these people believe that only the Latin Mass is valid and the bishop under whom I operate as well as the Pope and Magisterium are all suspect and not really true to Catholicism. I was frustrated and saddened and immediately upon my return to Krakow contacted my spiritual director.

Several weeks have passed since this incident and by chance, I stumbled upon the article 10 PROBLEMS IN THE TRADITIONAL CATHOLIC MOVEMENT by Fr. Chad Ripperger. After reading it I have a better understanding of what I encountered. Let me say at the outset that I love the traditional Latin Mass and that the problems he points out are not contained to this particular group of people. But I must also make clear that I have never experienced anything like it in my 53 years of being a Catholic. As a result of this encounter, I felt strongly that I want to avoid not only interacting with such individuals but also to stop speaking to anyone at all about my personal journey and belief in God.

Fr. Ripperger made several points, but I can only speak to a few of them. The problem of Gnosticism or elitism was clear. They had an isolationist attitude which followed from their elitism and, quite frankly, their open disrespect of authority and the Magisterium was shocking.  Their loose and reckless argumentation were difficult to address because the men with whom I was speaking clearly had been misinformed as to the heresies they were discussing. And yes, I felt bullied. In the end, the last point Fr. Ripperger made was that this attitude was one which made me feel that I wanted nothing at all to do with this group. I was grateful I had an early train as the reason I could not join them for Mass the next day. And when I returned to Krakow I was delighted to attend Sunday afternoon Mass with my daughter at the Dominican basilica.

I am incredibly sad to say that I was completely unaware of these types of problems in the Church. The Catholic Church, along with any other groups of people, has problems. Many real and serious problems. So, what is the solution?

I must admit that I did not handle the situation as well as I would have liked. To begin I should have taken the advice I give to my daughter. Don’t dance with the devil. Not to say that these people are the devil but simply not to enter into a discussion with someone who is more interested in being right than seeking understanding. After prayerful consideration, self-examination, and conversation with my spiritual director I’ve come to the conclusion that to continue on seeking unity is about the only thing one can do. Pride, fear, self-centeredness, and lack of trust in God are all part of the human condition.

I can do nothing in regard to the individuals I met in that small Polish city. If I meet them again, I can be kind and loving as well as try to seek common ground. I can examine myself to be assured that I do not display the same lack of charity and that I try my best to always listen with an open mind and open heart. That I may contribute and bring harmony rather than discontent and confusion. That I may truly embrace the Church and be obedient to the Magisterium. St. Catherine of Sienna is an excellent example of this as are many other saints who lived through times of division and disunity.

Above all, I will continue with the prayer given to us by St. Francis.

Lord, make me a channel of thy peace;
that where there is hatred, I may bring love;
where there is wrong, I may bring the spirit of forgiveness;
that where there is discord, I may bring harmony;
that where there is error, I may bring truth;
that where there is doubt, I may bring faith;
that where there is despair, I may bring hope;
that where there are shadows, I may bring light;
that where there is sadness, I may bring joy.
Lord, grant that I may seek rather to comfort than to be comforted;
to understand, than be understood;
to love, than to be loved.
For it is by self-forgetting that one finds.
It is by forgiving that one is forgiven.
It is by dying that one awakens to Eternal Life.

 

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6 thoughts on “Spiritual Ambush”

  1. Sydney,
    Thank you for your profession of faith. You are well-schooled and have a solid foundation on which to stand and to build. My prayers are with you in your quest and in your sharing.
    Fr. Tim Murphy: Your father’s high school classmate.

    1. Fr. Murphy,
      Thank you so very much for your prayers and words of encouragement.
      God Bless!
      Sydney

  2. an ordinary papist

    I am incredibly sad to say that I was completely unaware of these types of problems in the Church.

    In any case, you are very good at self flagellation.

  3. When people want to prove themselves as being pharisicial in their rigid arguments one tends to feel unloved. There are many ways of worshiping God in the Catholic Church and all are valid as they follow the same readings and the same sacrifice of the Mass. Question as a Catholic, am I trying to catch you out to prove I am right:It’s the first step to pride and the last step to the love of God. Righteousness can be a major fault closing the eyes and ears to Jesus right there before them. Are you inclusive or exclusive?

  4. Pingback: Spiritual Ambush – Catholic Stand - Alex Walia Yoga Updates

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