This is a true story from a parish where I live on Long Island.
A Popular Priest
My mother was so fond of their parish priest. From the minute the ‘young priest’ arrived as the new pastor of our parish, my parents liked him.
In his 30’s, Fr. Brian was friendly, warm, funny, and Irish. That was the perfect combination of factors for my older parents.
Everyone said it was nice to have a nice, new pastor who clearly wanted to be very involved. Just about every ministry in the parish, he attended meetings of, offering his support and enthusiasm. He gave great sermons, always working in something relevant as well as something humorous, and made himself available if anyone needed a priest to talk to.
Fr. Brian was the priest assigned for the Saturday baptisms when it was time to baptize my first child. It was a beautiful Sacrament and I remember appreciating his words about how crucial it is today to guide our children to know and serve Jesus Christ.
The joyful time of my son’s babyhood was shadowed by my mother’s diagnosis of Lou Gehrig’s disease. Among the new programs and services, our new pastor brought to our parish was home audio hook up for hearing the Mass. The homebound raved about it, including my mother.
Treatment For Alcoholism
Sometime around this point Fr. Brian gave a different sort of homily one day. He said he’d been suffering from some personal issues, and that he’d be going to a treatment center for about three months. He asked for our prayers. There were plenty of hugs and handshakes and promises of prayer after Mass that day, from grateful parishioners. Many said how courageous and humble it was of a priest to openly admit an apparent drug or alcohol problem, and thanked him for sharing his struggle.
After his return a few months later, our beloved pastor received a standing ovation to welcome him home. Parishioners thanked him for sharing his struggle. His popularity grew.
Around this time my mother was dying, and the time came to call for the Sacrament of the anointing. I remember my mother asking me to wait until at least 8:30 am to call the rectory, saying she didn’t want to wake up a busy priest. Fr. Brian came to her bedside and anointed her. Could there be a more sacred moment than witnessing your adored mother receiving the final Sacrament? She died two days later.
Sick Rumors
It was six or eight months later that our pastor disappeared. This time he was gone for good. There was no announcement, except a brief note from the diocese that a new pastor had been appointed. Along with the shock came stories that I believed were sick rumors.
However, over the next two years, more details came out, and the rumors were true. This priest we thought was so gifted had befriended several young men in the parish, and after having too much to drink, tried to molest them. One family regularly had the pastor over for dinner and to their summer house, where apparently one of these incidents occurred with their 17-year-old son. When he was confronted, Fr. Brian admitted he was an alcoholic and said he didn’t remember the incidences.
The priest left the state and left the priesthood. It was quite a lot for parishioners to absorb, but of course, many of us thought, what heartache this fall must be for his parents. Even more tragically, about ten years after these incidences, we learned that his alcoholism consumed his life and that he died from alcoholism-related medical problems.
Part of me was disgusted that this man had been giving the honor of baptizing my son and giving my mother Last Rites. Part of me felt enormously sorry for his disordered life that he could not get a hold of.
A Call To Intercede
Five or six years ago, after not having thought of Fr. Brian for quite a few years, he kept popping into my head over several weeks. Suddenly I thought, it’s possible I’m getting a nudge from purgatory to pray for him.
I’ve been praying for him ever since.
10 thoughts on “My Popular Priest Was Abusive”
Been there. Done that.
Once Fr now mr. Brian was not abusive. He was a child rapist. He raped, tortured, kidnapped, boys in his van, rectory, parks, ski trips, in back of shopping centers and sacristy closets. He threatened these boys not to tell anyone or harm would come to them and their families. When finally thrown out of priesthood he moved to Florida and became a pvt duty nurse who specialized working with sick boys. Some of his victims became addicts, some killed themselves. But all survivors had their lives destroyed.
People go to hell for these sins. But not our priests? Nonsense. These are the sins that cry out to heaven for vengeance. Brian died an evil sick man. Protected by his family and the Church. When will we stop this compassion for the priest perpetrator, the rapist, the torturer? Nothing he did to his victims was human. It was demonic. Priests do go to hell!
While I’m not judging this Priest or others mentioned in letters, this is a common M O of sexual predators to use a religious cover to access victims. In her book, “Predators” Pedophiles and rapists, Sharon Salter, PhD travelled the nations prisons to interview these Predators. They intentionally chose careers such as teachers, coaches, and Religious clergy to have access. Religious Predators told of hiding behind a cover identity that would elicit the same one we heard about Fr Joe in our parish. “Not Fr Joe!” “That man’s a Saint!” One defrocked Priest said he had such trust of the parents, he was able to rape a boy right inside the boys room while the parents were next door. AND how many of these Priests used booze to loosen the inhibitions of boys who could not hold their liquor? Remember St John Bosco telling of his vision of the Shepherds standing by while the wolves devour the sheep (boys)? How many of the Bishops either molested or protected the Predators while transferring the wolves to other folds? One last thing. These religious Predators also used oir own Christian demand to forgive and give mercy and second chance against us.
I’ll start by saying we pray and intercede for priests daily in our family.
I find it conflicting that the prevailing attitude is one of “they’re only human” when it comes to their sinful, destructive actions. The addictions, homosexuality, molesting of children and young men, have all been the absolute downfall of the Catholic church. It is now hated and despised by many because of actions such as the author described. The Catholic Church, because of these sins is now in league with these secular movements to normalize sodomy, homosexuality, same sex marriages, etc. It is essentially destroying the priesthood. Have our standards become so low that we now just dismiss these sins as weak human behavior in priests? There is a major deception at work in the Catholic Church and I wonder if God has not permitted it because we no longer have a love of the Truth, no longer speak the Truth, or even expect the Truth any longer.
Priests are called to a higher standard by God. More is expected of them. If that is unacceptable to them, they shouldn’t enter the priesthood. Better discernment is needed in those that are recruiting men for the priesthood. It has become quantity, not quality unfortunately.
Like I said, we pray and intercede, including suffering for priests daily. It is that very prayer and intercession that is bringing to light the grave errors in the priesthood and the Church. Praise and thank God for His infinite mercy and patience, it will not last forever.
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I belong to a prayer group especially for priests. At every last monday of the month at 10.30 A M we get together to pray the rosary for them. You can joint us in spirit if you like. Holy Marie pray for us. Amen.
Reading this, I cannot believe how similar this is to a story I could tell. A priest who I cared greatly about because of his care for a non-Catholic friend of mine crossed my mind one day. What he did for her was life-changing, in a spiritual sense. Thanks to the internet, I decided to see where he is now. It turns out he was an alcoholic who was accused of molesting a large number of boys, even the boys of friends, when he was drunk.
It was hard enough to read about his life, but then I read that he had died. It shook me up. I have no idea, of course, what the state of his soul was. So I have frequently prayed for him.
Thanks for writing this.
God forgives so much easier, than does man. The priest who mentored me when I joined Mother Church . . I later found out his crimes were much as the priest in this story. His Bishop offered him, to be laicized, or voluntarily enter, “what I call”, premiant exile with the Servants of the Paraclete, there he performed twenty plus years of penance, for his actions. When I met Father, I knew nothing of his past failings and personal flaws. When I found out, I kind of went through the Kubler-Ross Stages of Grief . . but I came out on the other side asking myself, how can I hate, or even throw-away the man who introduced me to Jesus Christ and His Church. The man who baptized and confirmed me? For years, I’d take a road trip yearly to visit Father. God forgives so much easier, than does man. But for man, forgiveness is not an option.
A ‘Hail Mary’ for Fr Brian. I’m sure Our Blessed Mother appreciates it. She loves all priests with a motherly heart, regardless of who they are.
Your story touched me on so many levels. I don’t know why we think our priests should be above all human failings. Please note I’m first in line!
But human they are, as open to sin and human flaws and shortcomings as their parishioners. And I too, pray for them. A lovely piece, thanks for sharing!